Awaiting a Miracle

JOY riding

2012-01-29T15:55:00.010-05:00

This girl has to sit out for a whole lot of activities so whenever we can let her experience something...we go for it!
As you can see her daddy is more than willing to rig something and make it work for her enjoyment! Our 9 and a half year old girl only weighs a little over 40 lbs so a carrier still works. Her long legs dangle forever but who cares....as long as she is having the time of her life! AND she is completely buckled in and safe.
The smiles on her face are priceless. Don't you agree?
This pic almost looks like she is yelling in her daddy's ear, "Faster Daddy Faster!" And she so would...
Look at our Ava. She has only been riding her bike since this past Spring and already she is like a pro...
Always ready with her game face smile. These two little girls are so precious to us!
I hate it that Shep's gorgeous green eyes were closed in this shot...but it was too good of Caroline not to share:)

Last but not least...here I am enjoying my Christmas present....and throwing out a kiss to the man behind the camera. Oh how he melts me.

Taking Comfort in the Uncomfortable

2012-01-25T12:59:00.002-05:00

My devotion this morning illuminated a very familiar passage for me. The focus verse was Psalm 23:4. You know..."Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

So many of us are used to hearing this verse at funerals that we rarely want to pull it out at other times due to its association.

Today I didn't have a choice. It was the topic of my devotion...so Almighty God must have wanted to broaden my narrow perspective on this verse.

I have always associated this verse with sadness and sorrow. Again, probably because of the numerous funeral readings.

But....I believe this verse speaks volumes to those of us living and breathing.

The writer of my devotion gave numerous examples from his own life experience of ways that God's rod was a form of support, protection, and security for him.

Now I don't know if you would agree but someone who has gone on to heaven has little need of support, protection and security anymore. They are sealed and satisfied forever with Jesus.

But me? I could use some...

He said to think of God's Word as our rod or staff to use when traveling through unfamiliar, treacherous, and scary times.

Listen to the way the Message states this verse as opposed to the NIV...
"Even when the way goes through Death Valley, I'm not afraid when you walk at my side. Your trusty shepherd's crook makes me feel secure."

Can you see the difference?

I am not implying that one version is superior to the other but I do like to compare verses to maybe expound on the meaning or my own understanding.

Death Valley can represent many things to me. Someone can actually die. Or you could be dealing with the death of a dream. How about the death of something that God has told you to put down...like an addiction or stronghold? Loss of material possessions or friendships...or maybe God has just said no.

What comes next? HE, our Sustainer and Friend, walks right beside us. We are never alone. Maybe we want to walk in silence. Maybe we want to yell and scream. Maybe we want to ask a boatload of questions. Whatever....He is there. He doesn't walk away.

Then he gives us something to hold onto. Whether you picture your own hand holding the rod or Christ guiding you with it...it still makes me smile.

He knows that we are people who feel. We have a need to FEEL secure. We need something physically touching us so that we sense the nearness of our guide. When rocks move under our feet we can instinctively grasp that rod and not fall.

The author of my devotion took it one step further and quoted appropriate scripture for the circumstance that was looming over him at the time. That was the way he pictured the rod. The rod for him was the Word. It steadied his feet. It lit up his path. It spoke louder than the questions. It calmed him in the midst of the storm.

I hope this passage has come alive for you in a different way today.

It may be a funeral favorite but it seems more appropriate for my day to day journey....

He guarantees Himself as our comfort...what a Savior!!

Tess and I go to Texas

2012-01-23T12:24:00.009-05:00

This past weekend was a whirlwind but oh so WORTH IT! This picture is Tess and I waiting at the airport gate early Friday morning. Our destination was Houston, Texas. We were part of a group of women that had taken the challenge to learn and memorize 1 scripture every two weeks last year. (Can you tell we are beyond pumped?!?)

Beth Moore issued the challenge on her ministry blog last January. Tess and I wanted to "up our game" spiritually. So this had our names all over it. Not to mention that we would have each other to hold accountable all year long. This trip was both our reward and a rejuvenation! Beth held a small gathering (like 1000 or so ladies) at First Baptist Houston for those who had finished the course and followed through on their commitment.

By the grace of God Tess and I had done those things! We now had 24 verses locked in our beings and in our brains that were not housed there a year ago. God promises that His Word will not go out and not accomplish its intended work(Is. 55:11). We pray that our lives and our commitment will reap the harvest of His promise.

Before I indulge in the spiritual details of our weekend let me brag on this sweet girl that was my traveling companion. God made sure that our paths and hearts collided with an instant connection over 4 years ago. Our relationship began as me taking the role of mentor. That sentence can be a bit deceiving. Tess, in many many ways, is heads and tails ahead of me spiritually. My only edge on her is that I have been living life a few years longer than she has. We have a lot in common. We are both girly girls who love shopping, shoes, purses, and lip gloss. But we also crave the attention of Jesus Christ like no one else. We are shameless in our pursuit of Him and we can't contain our passion to speak of His goodness. We try to spur one another on in the Word of God on a weekly basis. We enjoy praying together like most women enjoy getting their nails done. She is a breath of fresh air! Her insight, gift of writing, and teaching ability far surpasses one of her age. God's presence radiates from her inner being and I delight in calling her my friend.

(I must say that we agreed that God's blessing must have rested on us this weekend because He made sure that a Galleria mall was within 1 block of our hotel. We could see Nordstroms, Saks Fifth Avenue, and Nieman Marcus from our window. God was speaking our love language. ;)
Here are Tess and I standing outside of Houston First Baptist Church. We could hardly stand the anticipation. We met several other ladies from our hotel who had also completed their scripture memory verses. We couldn't wait to sit under Beth's teaching!!
God used Beth to speak HUGE truths to us. One in particular came from 2 John vs. 8. "Watch out that you do not lose what you have worked for, but that you may be rewarded fully."

I had never given much thought to the fact that my enemy wants to steal from me that which I have worked hard to gain. We haven't worked hard to gain Jesus. He is our free gift through faith so we can't lose Him. BUT there are countless areas in my life where God has indeed changed me, freed me, and grown me up in Him.
If I am not intentional then my enemy can sneak in and take ground that the Lord and I have worked hard to conquer....is this speaking to anyone else??

This was my view during praise and worship. Travis Cottrell and his amazing team lead us in anointed worship to our King. Isn't this a beautiful sight? Look at all of those hands lifted to the Lord. Some of them in surrender, some in awe, some in joy, and some are lifted as a sacrifice during heartache and sorrow. I can't describe what worship does to a believer's soul. But this kind of corporate worship just does me in. I am a mess. My hands were raised as well. My praise was flowing from a thankful heart...humbled that He still takes a gamble on a fickle faithed girl like me. I truly felt the weight of His matchless love and grace during this time...

I came home just before midnight on Saturday to find this sweet sign made by the little hands of my babies.

It warmed my heart so much.

Now the work must begin.

Welcome Home....and walk your talk!

A Decade of Deciding...

2012-01-17T10:47:00.002-05:00

Shep had just pulled of the the Dalton Walnut Ave. exit and we were headed up and over the mountain (that is what my kids call it) to his parents farm this past Saturday. It was a gloriously sunny day and we were out to enjoy the rays....and endure the wind and cold. It is January, after all.

As my trusted minivan trudged up the hill I heard the first words of a song that I had not heard in a really long time. Shep burned a cd for me as a Christmas gift and he wanted to play it for me.

"The pathway is broken
and the signs are unclear.
And I don't know the reasons
why You brought me here.
But just because you love me the way that you do
I'm gonna walk through the valley if you want me to."

I almost couldn't move. Has it really been almost 10 years since I first heard this song? The days when I had to make myself sing the lyrics because I couldn't pray.

Yes.

It has been almost 10 years.

Almost 10 years ago (just 6 months shy) were the days of survival and heartache.

Many of you know that my journey of faith began when Caroline was born. I had been a believer in Jesus since the age of 9. But I did not really believe God and His promises until I was 24. Believing upon Him to save your soul is one thing. Believing Him to direct your path and control your life can be quite another.

This June 11, 2012 will mark 10 years for us.

Ten years of believing.
Ten years of persevering.
Ten years of trying.
Ten years of living.
Ten years of learning.
Ten years of standing.
Ten years of waiting to see God's miracle unfold.

In her....and in us.

As I listened to the rest of the song I was catapulted in my mind back to those days.

It was so hard.
We were so exhausted. In every sense of the word.

I am thankful now that I didn't know we would still be here 10 years later BUT...God is still working.

He hasn't told us anything different. In fact, He has told us again and again to continue to stand, believe, hope, persevere, and believe Him for the impossible.

We aren't moving off of His promise.....even if it is 10 more years....or 10 more years.

Let me just tell you how difficult it is to type those words. It makes the hair stand up on my neck. It makes my tummy flutter. Questions and doubts take turns jumping rope in my mind.

But this I know.

My God is faithful!!!

10 years of deciding each and every day to keep believing Him has worked some serious faith muscles in my life.

Those muscles serve a purpose for me and bring ultimate glory to Him!

I will end with the rest of the lyrics to Ginny Owens song. If you don't know her story behind this song, you should look it up.

Now I sing this song and I still pray the words. Some of it makes more sense to me now but not all of it. If we had all the answers we wouldn't need God.

The pathway is broken
and the signs are unclear.
And I don't know the reason
Why you brought me here.
But just because you love me the way that you do
I'm gonna walk through the valley if you want me to.

Cause I'm not who I was
when I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You.
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to.

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that's not my home.
But You never said it would be easy.
You only said I 'd never go alone.

So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself.
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help.
And I remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley if You want me to.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1q8pWgDsv1E

The man behind the message..

2012-01-11T15:55:00.003-05:00

It is mid-week and these eyes are dying to squint at the sunshine.

It has been the rainiest December and start of January that I can remember.

My outdoor time has seriously been infringed upon and my antsy children are about as bad as their momma.

There is a trampoline to be jumped on...
There are bicycles to be ridden...
There are swings to sway in...
There are walks to be taken...

You get the idea.

I have just completed my first week of homework in our new Ladies Bible study. Folks that know me probably joke that I am a bit fanatical about staying in a cycle of doing bible studies. Literally ONE AFTER THE OTHER. But for me, one who is so prone to stray off of the path, I must stay in the Word. Period.

Right now we are doing the most recent study written by Beth Moore called James: Mercy Triumphs. It centers on the book that James penned and on the man himself. This would be James, the brother of my Jesus.

He obviously has a unique perspective. He grew up in the shadow of the Savior of the world but he didn't accept His gift of grace until Jesus was resurrected. I can't wait to learn more about him.

Knowing the man (or woman) behind the message that they preach is huge for me.

I want the goods on folks.
I want to know that they have struggled.
I need to hear that they have dealt with doubt, fear, anger and unbelief.
I also need to know that they have persevered and taken the road less traveled.

It levels our ground.

And it opens my ears.

I don't like to give my attention to anything that is less than authentic.

So far I have learned some things about James that have taken me on emotions ranging from mad to sad to glad.

I am sure it would be the same if someone were learning all about me.

I pray that my testimony brings Jesus some serious glory but my hands and feet of clay could give anyone plenty of reasons to not like me or at the very least to be disappointed.

Thankfully we are to only have ONE that we look to as our standard.

James, me, or you will fall terribly short....

but still we strive.

"But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness." James 3:17-18

Theirs and Mine

2012-01-08T20:56:00.003-05:00

Shep left early on Thursday morning to go hunting with his brother and best friend from law school. They try to do two trips per year. I hate it when he leaves but I love the chance for him to get away. I will tell you that I certainly adhere to the saying that, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." When he is gone...I miss him like crazy. The kids and I count the days until he comes back home.

My mom and dad came to hang out with us most of the time that Shep was away. They are a huge help to me. Plus, I really enjoy their company. I spent a lot of alone time with them in my growing up years. My brothers were seven and nine years older than me so I was kind of like an only child. My brothers were out of the house by the time I was 12 years old or so. I have a ton of memories singing, laughing, eating, traveling, and playing with my parents. They are a trip. My kids really like the additional time with them....AND it makes daddy being gone a little more bearable.

Shep made it safely back home today and there was endless rejoicing with his return. Each kid took their turn of individual attention and hands-on time. They love for Shep to hold them, tickle them, throw them up in the air, wrestle with them, and build forts. That quickly became the decided upon activity. So, after I got my own chance of individual attention, they disappeared upstairs to build their fort.

I took the same opportunity myself.

As you can see I built myself a little fort.

A fortress of solitude.

I heard that their fort was made using chairs and a blanket.

Unfortunately our cat, Belle, destroyed their fort by jumping on top of their blanket ceiling.

Meanwhile...I was hunkered down in my own fort.

Complete with my two over sized pillows for maximum comfort.
My electric blanket turned on high for this nasty rainy day.
My bible and bible study book of James.
My latest fiction read.
A twix candy bar....and a coke.

Bliss I tell you. Pure bliss.

Welcome home Shepard. Thank for letting me enjoy my own little fort.

Opportunities to be overwhelmed

2012-01-05T15:05:00.003-05:00

It is funny because I have had several opportunities in a very short amount of time (like 3 days) to be overwhelmed in very different ways.

Sometimes life rocks on in the mundane sort of way. Breakfast, work, school, laundry, homework, errands, bath, and bedtime seem to be the routine of every single day.

But then unexpected things happen and your reality shifts.

Tears fall.
Your breath is taken away.
Dinner doesn't make it to the oven.
Schedules have to be changed.
Changes to your budget have to be made.

We have all experienced this. This is life. We moan about the mundane until something happens to shake us up....and then we are longing for the mundane days once again.

I will confess that I have given in to the sin of worry and unbelief during a few of these overwhelming moments.

I didn't stay there though.

The Holy Spirit gently nudged me onward and upward.

Here they are...I am pretty sure that it is obvious to distinguish the times of sin, sadness, strength, and sheer delight.

Tuesday, January 3rd 2012 at 12:25 pm I received a phone call from a dear friend. Her voice is different. I immediately know something is wrong. She says, "Kim's mother is dead." I just sat there. If you follow this blog then you know that this same Kim is a girl that I sing with on a regular basis. We are a part of a trio. AND her mother-in-law just passed away in early November. Now this......
I know how close she is to her mom. I know how close her children are to their grandmother. How could this be? Her mother was only 59 years old? The shock of it nearly knocked my breath away. I immediately began to pray for God to intervene and hold them as only He could. But I felt so small and insignificant. My prayers felt useless. This overwhelming devastation began to creep over me. It was like I was becoming overwhelmed for my friend.

Well, nothing about that is good. I needed to be an advocate for her in prayer. Hope is ours to have no matter how hurt we may be. This situation was awful. The heartache was real. I could pray when my friend could not.

Wednesday, January 4th 2012 at 2:30 pm Ava runs to my car with a pained expression on her face. "Momma," she says, "_______'s brother said that Caroline is ugly in her wheelchair." Sensing her hurt I begin to explain that his words are wrong and very hurtful. Going on she says, "Momma, I see the ugly faces people make at Caroline when she drools. I don't like it."

Mind you~Ava has NEVER mentioned any of this before. Ever.

I got to tell you that my heart was bursting with pride and I was overwhelmed with pleasure over my 6 year old's fiercely insightful and protective heart. She has begun to notice the uncomfortable part of having a severely disabled sister that people stare at and talk about. I love that she doesn't like their responses. I love it that she keeps it that simple. She and I went on to have a very interesting conversation. One I hope to remember and cherish for a long time.

I struggled as a mother to help Ava navigate through these tough waters. I did the best I could to answer her questions but truthfully God has allowed her to live this life with these circumstances. She has been chosen to be Caroline's sister. A calling that has been both rewarding and really hard. The way she responds to Caroline and those who are mean will help shape her into the godly woman that she will one day be. So I offered insight but I really wanted her to feel and experience the weight of it because that is the best way we learn and remember.

Wednesday, January 4th 2012 late evening I sat talking with Shep over the many financial hurdles that we have jumped for the past couple of years. Unfortunately it seems that there are still many more ahead of us. This economy has crippled so many people and we are just like many others who have felt the pressure of "too much month at the end of the money." When we sit and look at it on paper I immediately start rubbing my temples and fill the uneasiness settle over me. The situation seems endless. The possibility to get ahead seems impossible. BUT God has provided miraculously so far and I believe He will continue to do the same. But at that moment the overwhelming "What if's" started making their way from my mind to my mouth and before I knew it I had us as paupers living on the street.

Silly I know. But I bet you can relate in some way. Our fears get the best of us sometimes and we give in to how we feel.

Fortunately Shep began to testify to God's goodness and grace. The fact that we have made it this far speaks to God's provision. He is to be praised. Instead of focusing on what-could-but-may-not come I should look to His Word and stand firm upon it. I stood corrected.

Thursday, January 5th, 2012 8:40 am I quietly entered a room in our church. I was about to kick off our brand new study of James by Beth Moore. The women would be arriving soon and I always sneak away to pray and make myself ready before the Lord. As I dropped to my knees in this familiar place I was immediately moved to tears. Suddenly I was overwhelmed at the journey that God and I have walked together for the past 10 years. It has been no secret that Caroline's birth catapulted me into a serious desperation for God and His Word. Bible study has been my lifeline. It has kept me sane....and thriving. It occurred to me that I had done Bible study in this very hallway for the past 7 years. Those rooms held my secrets. Those walls had seen my tears and my vulnerability. It seems that I learned to walk on steady spiritual legs in that hallway. With each study God had and was making into a woman of faith. I have so far to go but I can look over my shoulder and see the fruit.

It was an intimate and sacred moment with my Lord. It was as if He was saying, "Here we go again, girl. But let's reflect on all you have let me do in your life."

See I can remember fighting Him most of the way. I can remember when I wore bitterness like a garment. I can remember when my faith was just about salvation and not my way of life. I remember when I only picked up the bible for church on Sundays. I remember when the truth of God's Word began to really penetrate and break through my depression. I remember when I realized God really was trustworthy. I remember when He began to speak to my heart.

I was overwhelmed and undone before Him. It was marvelous.

A Nit-Pickin New Year

2012-01-02T11:05:00.003-05:00

I mentioned in an earlier blog post that we were so blessed (a bit of sarcasm) with a lice outbreak during our Christmas break.

The Wednesday before Christmas we discovered Ava's little critters.

I mentioned before that I barely maintained sanity. However Shep and I got on the ball. We washed with the lice-killing shampoo. We washed and dried sheets, clothes, jackets, and anything else that could have been touched.

We vacuumed everything. The floors, the beds, the furniture...nothing was off limits here. I became a lice killing machine.

Ava was the only one who had them and we wanted to keep it that way.

Shep checked my head. I checked his. We kept a close watch on Zeke and Caroline.

All the while we continued to do daily checks on Ava.

Then the unthinkable happened.

Almost a week to the day later.....(silly me thinking we were done with this dreadful pest) I found evidence of more.

This time....on my head.

Even typing it now sends a mixture of nausea and itchiness through my entire being.

See at this point I had become a pro at detecting a nit in the hair. A nit is the little egg that attaches close to the hairline. It is oblong in shape and it sticks like glue. It wasn't long at all before I saw these same little nits in Caroline and Zeke's hair as well. (For those of you who are new to all things lice...a nit is the egg laid by the lice. The eggs can hatch 5-8 days later so it is imperative that you remove all of them!! And do a repeat lice killing wash every 7 days. This covers all of your bases.)

The second wave of anger, frustration, and overwhelmed paranoia swept over me.

The truth was I wasn't as grossed out this time. It had already had a week to sink in. But...I was mad. Mad that we had to deal with it all over again. The washing, the vacuuming, the drying, the picking, the worrying.

We are now almost another whole week out and I think we are finally on the way to complete pest elimination.

Our heads have never been cleaner. I have learned a lot about a subject I would rather know nothing about but at least a bit of new knowledge is worth something.

I began this new year ready to forget the past few days of the last one.

But I must say I get a little bit giddy over the newness of it all.

I love new in the way of new starts.

A new year....new possibilities. New chances. New places. New people. New lessons. New reasons to smile. New victories. New defeats. New memories. New problems. New encounters. New blessings. Maybe even a new miracle....we'll see.

Happy New Year to You! I pause in thanksgiving to my Savior and Lord for bringing us safely through 2011. I look with great hope and anticipation for what He has planned in 2012.

God help us if it requires more nit-pickin....

Happy Christmas!

2011-12-27T12:20:00.020-05:00

This is our tree at night time. My favorite time...there is just something about white twinkling lights that is somehow inspiring to me. It is best enjoyed with complete quiet and maybe some coffee or hot cocoa.
What a difference, huh? This was our pretty tree early on in December. These were the first of the gifts that I wrapped...we took a picture because the kids were so excited to finally see presents.
Me and him....yummy. He still melts me after almost 14 years.
It was not proper in my family to get all dolled up on Christmas morning. So we took pictures as we were....complete with morning eyes and breath (coffee) and pajamas.
The trampoline was Santa's big gift this year. The story will have to wait for another time but it was a monumental hit with the our kids. Unfortunately the rain has kept them off of it way more than they want to be.
Ava is usually the first one in the room to see Santa's surprises...I love capturing her surprised face.
Shep giving his big girl a squeeze! Caroline is so eat up with her daddy...it is ridiculous!
Ava strumming her guitar from Ms. Linda. She provided our background music while Shep read "Twas the Night before Christmas".
My handsome Zeke. He is 3 and a half...and finally got Christmas half-way figured out this year!
Me and my momma

Me and my daddy
Uncle Paul (my brother) letting his nephews and niece call Santa!
Homemade Christmas candy...the peanut butter balls are my absolute favorite! My grandmother passed away several years ago and I can't pop one of the delights in my mouth without transporting myself back to her kitchen.
My mother-in-law always gets into the festive decorating...I love her taste!
Real mistletoe shot out of a tree on the farm...
Real apples in that centerpiece...
Can you say carb fest?? My mom and dad always do homemade apple and chocolate fried pies.
Shep graced us with a batch of his delicious biscuits!

Christmas 2011 was a memorable one. Shep's dad is still recovering from his heart surgery...but doing well. There were ups and downs to this season. But Christ told us that would always be the case. The constant through it all was our reason for rejoicing...Him. Our Immanuel that came and lives this chaotic life with us day after day. I don't think I could even lift my head from the pillow each morning if I didn't have the promise of His Word to always be with me. He is the only reason we live and have breath. We give gifts to honor the greatest gift we have ever received...salvation. I pray your Christmas was a good one! Hope you enjoyed a sneak peek of ours...

Christmas Curveball

2011-12-23T09:08:00.003-05:00

I have hesitated about writing this post for the past two days.

First of all I don't want to talk about it.

Second of all it makes me feel embarrassed.

But...this blog was started because God challenged me to be real and transparent with my faith. If you have followed this blog for any time at all then you know I really try not to hold back with my insecurities, failures, disappointments, victories, blunders and the like.

God is God over it all... the good, the bad, and the uncomfortable.

So, with that being said, I will continue.

Wednesday night we were all sitting at the table eating dinner and I leaned over to love on Ava. She sits directly to my left at the table. As I looked at her, something caught my eye. My eyes landed on what looked like dust in her hair. Upon closer inspection I realized this was not dust because dust doesn't move on its own. This was lice.

Ahhhhhhhh! Even typing it makes me want to throw up and scratch my own head at the same time.

Well I wish I could tell you that the godly self-controlled part of me reacted to what I saw. Unfortunately that did not happen. The crazy lady with control issues took over and I began to slightly freak out.

Thankfully Shep is always as steadfast and calm as an oak tree and he took charge of the situation.

The night progressed with getting a lice kit for Ava and then washing and vacuuming anything she had been in contact with for the past few days. It was a mess. I felt chaotic, unsettled, and frustrated. I could see my control issues rising to the surface and I hated what it revealed about me.

In order for me to be happy I need to feel a sense of control.

Nice, huh?

But true.

Now that we are three days into this I can tell you that I am better. Yes, because three days have passed. But also because I have seriously been talking to God about it. You may laugh that I am taking my requests about lice to God but you don't how bad I would be if I weren't.

And I firmly believe that God wants us to take the real stuff to him....right now, lice and nits are very real to me and I want them gone. But until they are I want to be a godly momma for my children.

This isn't what I wanted for Christmas but it is what I have been given to deal with so I might as well get all I can from the experience, right?

There are positives too. No one else has it in our family. We have checked Zeke and Caroline multiple times and Shep and I have checked each other. (Actually I have made Shep check me over and over because somehow I feel like I can feel them crawling on me. But so far....so good.)

And...we caught it quickly and the lice are gone.

Pray for us now to get rid of all the nits. These are the eggs that the lice laid. There are many of them. They are stubborn and hard to get out. Ava has to sit patiently while Shep and I nit-pick for an hour at a time.

Ava has been a great sport. She is not nearly as bothered as I am and I am thankful for that as well.

Another positive is that I have awesome friends who have offered wonderful support, encouragement, and tricks of their own from dealing with this not-so-desired pest. They have empathized and laughed with me! Seriously, if I don't laugh I will cry.

Ok so I am signing off for now. HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY LICE-FREE CHRISTMAS!!

Helping a momma out...

2011-12-19T15:43:00.002-05:00

Yesterday Ava and I went to a production of "The Nativity" put on by Steps of Faith Dance Studio. Ava takes ballet from there and we knew several girls who would be dancing. We wanted to show our support and see the show.

Well it did NOT disappoint!

The entire production glorified Jesus Christ and his miraculous birth. Nothing else.

It was a chill-bump kind of thing.

These girls were not professional ballerinas. They ranged in age from 7 to 22. But the message that they delivered through dance was profound. I believe any time the story of Jesus' birth is told that it carries magnificent weight, power and significance.

During the second act of the performance they showed Jesus as a man. They showed him teaching, caring, loving, healing, and dying on the cross.

Ava leaned back into my chest and whispered in my ear, "Mom I hope Caroline will be healed when we get home."

I was speechless and a lump made its way to the bottom of my throat.

My little six year old got the message.

This baby Jesus came to change the world. He is the reason we celebrate Christmas. He brought hope into the world and his message of hope has been thriving ever since.

Why?!?

Because we live in a fallen world. We are surrounded on all sides by problems, grief, fatigue, worries, questions, doubts, sickness, and defeat.

Because we know these things all too well, we long to hope.

We are desperate for hope.

Without hope...Ava could not have whispered her heart's desire to me.

Without Jesus....there would be no hope.

That is Christmas in a nutshell.

Today I sat down in the floor and opened my Bible to several different passages. I read in Isaiah of the prophecy concerning Jesus birth. I flipped over to the gospels and browsed through some other familiar scripture. Something in Luke's gospel spoke of hope without mentioning it exactly.

Gabriel appears to Mary and tells her that she is highly favored of God. That God is with her and that she is not to be afraid because she is going to give birth to the Messiah. He goes on to describe how great her son will be and that the Holy Spirit will overshadow her.

None of this is new to me....but Gabriel's last words to Mary offer the reader hope beyond description.

"FOR NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD" Luke 1:37.

I am sure Mary needed these parting words to help carry her through the next nine months and beyond.

But guess what?

Those powerful words weren't meant for Mary alone. They were sealed in scripture for all to read and apply to their own lives.

Just like my Ava did as she watched the Nativity and hoped for the seemingly impossible healing of her sister.

Nothing is impossible with God really means what it says.

NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!!

I know that God is not our genie in the sky for us to ask for any and every thing we desire. But he is our intimate Father and he knows our needs. He knows every secret we keep. He knows every dream we have. I firmly believe we walk through most of our lives without being filled with hope to believe Him for great and mighty things.

I'll leave you with this sweet picture in your mind. Zeke saw me sitting in the floor reading my bible today. I heard his little feet running on the hardwoods. He came back holding his little bible and joined me. He and I didn't speak. He would just mimic me. As I flipped back and forth he would do the same. Then I heard him start mumbling to himself. I couldn't understand everything in his 3 year old garble but he seemed to be talking about "the Lord, Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus".

Then he began to hum and sing. The tune was very familiar although Zeke's version didn't use all the right words.

"He knows my name.
He knows my every thought.
He sees each tear that falls,
And he hears me when I call."

This was his little diddy and he even added hand motions for me too. I loved it. Somehow his little 3 year old mind knew that as he and mommy were looking through the Word of God his song would be the perfect accompaniment.

Confession

2011-12-15T14:51:00.002-05:00

A basic fundamental of the faith. Confession. Admitting our faults and agreeing with God that they are wrong.

We run head long in the opposite direction of this very thing. This act that holds a mirror up to our faces so we can see the reflection of our hearts. Why?

Because in confession our sin is revealed. Out there. Seen. Exposed.

This week I have been both the recipient of confession and the confessor myself.

I felt like God was prompting me to blog about this one.

So here goes.

A couple of mornings ago a scripture caught my eye. It was James 5:16 which says, "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

I meditated briefly on this verse and then went about my day.

Until lunchtime.

I had the pleasure of eating with a friend who began to talk with me about certain areas in her life that she wanted me to pray for her. The more I listened and heard her heart the more I realized that this was exactly what James 5:16 was talking about. Confession.

We need other people to know our struggles and to pray for our freedom in these areas.

Confession.

God knew that once we confess our sins and weaknesses openly with someone else that accountability would naturally follow.

After lunch and into the afternoon I thought more and more about this concept of confession and why I hate doing it. My dislike for it results in my doing it less and less. God slowly opened my eyes to see that my lack of confession was creating distance between me and Him.

By the time bedtime rolled around I was primed and ready.

I went to the person who has vowed to love me always, my man. Bless his heart he didn't see this one coming.

He was sitting there enjoying his late dinner in front of the television set.

I barged in and flopped down on the couch.

I said, "Shep, I am just eat up with jealousy. It isn't just one person or one thing....it is many people and many things. I hate it. I am embarrassed. I don't want to feel this way."

And there it was....confession.

Out there. Seen. Heard. Exposed.

We went on to talk about what I had said. Never once did Shep condemn or preach to me. He simply said he understood and that he hated it too. He knows that I know I am wrong. But confessing it was a step toward right. He said he would pray for me...and his word is his bond. He would pray. And so would I.

So here are the benefits of confession from what I can see.

There is accountability. There is humility. There is unity. And ultimately...there is MORE prayer. It isn't just you fighting the fight. You've now got others praying on your behalf.

So why do we fight it so?

Pride is the culprit I am sure.

I've often teased that I wish we could all walk around with our sins and weaknesses written on our foreheads for everyone else to see. I don't really want this of course. But wouldn't there be a lot less pride and a lot more grace to go around?!?

I'm just saying....

Pepto & Immodium...my BFFs

2011-12-13T15:08:00.003-05:00

Sorry to have been out of the cyber world for so long. A lot has happened but unfortunately I was hit by a violent tummy bug this past Saturday. It is Tuesday and I am feeling better....FINALLY!

All I can say is that the toilet and I fought many rounds and it won every time. Yuck!

My last blog post was completely dedicated to my mentor, Marjorie Rothschild. We celebrated her home going on Saturday. It was truly a pleasure to gather with other believers and praise God for her life and her legacy. Most of us feel truly overwhelmed to try to walk in her shoes....but we must. There is no calling more noble than to live radically for the One who died for us.

As I mentioned before...I felt the tummy bug beginning to hit me at the funeral. I just didn't feel quite like myself. The thought of food made my stomach turn. By the end of the night I had already begun my treks to the bathroom.

In the early hours of Sunday morning I decided I would not be going to church. I knew I was terribly dehydrated and weak. Shep gave me meds, tucked me back in and took the kids on to church. I slept until lunchtime.

Then a realization hit me.

I was supposed to sing in our Christmas program that evening.

It would have been one thing for me to sing with the choir but I had a pretty big solo.

And I felt horrible.

I began to pray.

All I can say is God completely tagged team with the Immodium and helped me make it through the night.

Our choir did a fantastic job! I hated not singing with them but honestly I thought I might just faint. Instead I sat in the back and only walked out to sing my song. God showed up....sang right through me and I went and sat back down.

Glory to His Name!

When we got home Sunday night I could feel the fatigue and stomach churns starting again. It basically stayed that way until this morning.

Oh.....it feels so good to feel better!

I know we are supposed to praise God in all things. So my biggest praise from all this sickness is that God showed great kindness to me through Pepto and Immodium. I am truly grateful for these wonderful over the counter aids. I do hope that I am done with these though and that I can get on to praising Him for other things soon AND that none of my other family members get to praise Him for these medicines too!

89 Strong

2011-12-07T11:01:00.004-05:00

Today my mentor in the Lord went home to be with the lover of her soul...Jesus.

Fifty-five years my senior, Marjorie Rothschild exuded nothing less than joy, passion, strength, hope, and steadfast BIG faith for anyone who had the honor of knowing her.

I sit here crying not because she has left this world but because this world will never be the same without her. She has left her mark on anyone she ever encountered.

I hesitate to even try to describe her and her amazing attributes for I feel I will utterly fall short of all that God displayed through her life. But I will try because I got to be a recipient of much encouragement, hope, and grace throughout the years.

We all knew her by this enigmatic smile that lit up her entire face and a steady walk that seemed unshakable. I have never known anyone who loved her Lord more. She delighted in Him every second of every day. She seemed giddy and excited at any and every opportunity to come before Him in prayer.

I can just picture her lifting her wrinkled face upwards as she would go into her prayer closet (ringing her bells) completely confident in the One who she called Savior.

Anyone who met her would be appalled to learn her age because she acted and lived like she was 25 to 30 years younger than what she really was. She had a cell phone, e-mailed her friends and family, and even joined Facebook. The vibrancy with which she lived her days was nothing short of mind blowing. It was as if each step she took had purpose and meaning. People were drawn to her like bees to a hive of honey. She oozed kindness, joy, and compassion. But my favorite of all of her traits was her FAITH.

It was her life.

She prayed like it would move mountains. Because she believed it would.

She is one of the very few people who has believed with me about Caroline's healing since her birth. I still treasure a card she sent me when Caroline was just months old. She was claiming and believing then just as she was as she drew her last breath. She was fierce about it. She would rally to my side any time she saw the slightest change in my demeanor. She could tell if I was struggling and she would immediately speak hope and faith to me. More than that....she would pray on my behalf. There is no telling the hours that she has spent interceding on my behalf.

I remember giving her an ultra sound picture of Zeke when he was in my womb. The doctors were concerned that he possibly had Downs Syndrome because he showed some strong indicators. She immediately wanted to add him to her daily prayer time and she wanted a picture as a reminder. She put it to her heart (most likely pinned to her bra strap) and kept it there until he was born. I remember when she gave it back to me after he was born....it was soft, faded and worn away from being inside her shirt all those months. Wow. What a woman!

Just a month and a half ago she got to come see Caroline get baptized. It was such a joyous occasion. Marje was so thrilled to see her girl. She would always say that she and Caroline had their own secret language. I had no clue that Sunday morning that the next time I saw her would be in a hospital bed...and it would be my last.

In early November I got a call from her daughter telling me that Marje had cracked several vertebrae and was in immense pain. They were gonna do an outpatient procedure to fix the problem. However, that never came to pass because during the procedure the doctors found cancer. She was already in stage 4 and the cancer had spread.

I knew I needed to go see her in the hospital and I am so glad I went when I did. My dearest friend, Deana, went with me. She too has been so blessed by knowing Marje. We entered her hospital room and her daughter told me that she may not be awake or know me.

I went as close as I could and grabbed her hand. She looked so frail. I hated it. I hate death. I wanted her to be the Marje I knew. She was always completely fixed up. Her hair would be done...make-up exact....and matching jewelry would be dangling. But this was real life and it was her life drawing to a close.

I leaned down and whispered her name. She jolted a bit when she heard my voice and then she said, "Oh, Andrea!"

I told her that Deana and I were there and we loved her and we wanted to pray for her. Her next phrase makes it very clear as to why she was my mentor. She said, "Please pray that the Holy Spirit would help me make it through this season and that I would glorify Him!"

Of course I began to cry and cry. Oh what faith and resolve.

Deana and I prayed over her through our tears and sniffles. We asked God to give her strength and special delights during her last days. She wanted to stay strong until God took her home. She desired to honor him even in the midst of her unending pain. She had complete confidence in her best friend, the Holy Spirit. She knew that He would be with her every single step of the way.

That is dying well ya'll.

That is the way we should all strive to live and die.

Knowing that the Holy Spirit is our guide and trusting Him in the most vulnerable moments of our lives.

Her legacy will live on in me and countless others I am sure. I pray that I can touch others and infuse them with the same hope, passion, and faith that she has affirmed in me. Isn't that our calling, after all???

A couple of verses that I memorized this year seem very fitting to end this post about my mentor, Marjorie Rothschild. She embodied this piece of scripture to the very end.

May I do the same...

"Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:11-12

Flowers or a Crown

2011-12-06T15:23:00.003-05:00

If you are anything like me then December has barely begun and we are feverishly planning, purchasing, and preparing for Christmas.

Last week was a complete bust for my family. We were gone every single night of the week for some occasion or another.
(Shep's dad is recovering from his heart surgery and doing well!)

This week has been a little better but only marginally.

There are still events to go to and practices to attend.

I climbed in bed last night lamenting our hectic and sometimes hard schedules.

Then I opened my "Streams in the Desert" devotion book.

My mistake.

Kidding....God had something to say to my heart.

I just wanted it to be an encouraging word of peace and rest.

Instead it was a very moving poem written by George MacDonald...

I said, "Let me walk in the field";
God said, "No, walk in the town";
I said, "There are no flowers there";
He said, "No flowers, but a crown."

I said, "But the sky is black,
There is nothing but noise and din";
But He wept as He sent me back,
"There is more," He said, "there is sin."

I said, "But the air is thick,
And smog is veiling the sun";
He answered, "Yet souls are sick,
And your work is undone."

I said, "I will miss the light,
And friends will miss me, they say";
He answered me, "Choose tonight,
If I am to miss you, or they."

I pleaded for time to be given;
He said, "Is it hard to decide?
It will not seem hard in Heaven
To have followed the steps of your Guide."

I cast one look at the field,
Then set my face to the town;
He said, "My child, do you yield?
Will you leave the flowers for the crown?"

Then into His hand went mine,
And into my heart came He;
And I walk in a light Divine,
The path I had feared to see.

Somehow I want Christmas to not be hard. For me.

But the essence of Christmas is all about God the Father sending His one and only Son to die.

If that isn't hard then what is?!?

We get to enjoy the benefits of Christmas. We got the ultimate gift.

But here I am complaining and griping because I get inconvenienced in some way or another.

Too much to do...
Too many places to go...
Too many practices...
Too many scheduling conflicts...

Big deal. Really.

Just like the person in the poem I feel like I am saying to God...."Let me just chill and smell the flowers."

He has a different purpose for me.

I am to go into the busy, dark, noisy, and sinful world. I am to let my Light so shine before men that they may see my good works and glorify my Father who is in Heaven.

It isn't smelling flowers but I pray that in the midst of my hustling I would humbly accept His invitation to shine my Light this Christmas.

Lord help me to smile and be filled with joy. Give me kindness in my attitude and actions. Help me to go out of my way for people and sacrifice willingly. Others will see You when I yield to what You would have me do instead of focusing on myself. I need Your help to do these things because I am selfish. Give me more and more grace so that I would in turn be gracious to others. Thank you for the ultimate gift of eternal life through Jesus. He alone is the reason for this and every season.

It will find you...

2011-12-02T16:55:00.002-05:00

Because this week has been crazy and assaulting for my family I couldn't wait to sit with my awesome group of friends at Thursday morning's Bible study time. We are currently NOT doing any written work of a study but instead we are watching videos from various studies we have done in the past.

(We will start Beth Moore's new "James" study in January so come join us!)

It is so fun to revisit these topics and God never fails to show up and speak something fresh and new to us!

This past Thursday we re-watched the first video on Esther. Beth was teaching on the PROVIDENCE of God. Sometimes His ways and His presence are very obvious in our lives and other times we feel like we can't find Him at all. However because we can't see Him or feel Him doesn't mean He isn't very much present with us.

Anyway she said something that God used to speak loudly to my heart. She said, "If you are seeking God....His will for your life will find you."

BAM! Good word.

I wonder so often if anything I do really matters in the grand scheme of things?
Do my prayers really matter?
Does my sacrifice mean anything when others don't seem to notice?
Does God see the daily heartaches, questions, and concerns?

Of course the answer to all of those questions is a resounding YES!

But, in the quiet, we still ask them.

I was so thankful to hear confirmation that my job in this life is to simply seek Him.

Seek Christ. Do what he tells me to do.

And if I do that........His will is gonna find me.

I also saw a parallel in God's word.

"And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them..."
Luke 2:8-9

This is such a familiar Christmas passage. But do you see the confirmation? These shepherds were just doing what they do. They were going about their lives. I am sure they had kept watch many nights before but this night was about to rock their worlds. This night God's will was gonna find them right smack in the middle of their mundane, sheep-watching lives.

I can relate to this. I feel like I am "keeping watch" so to speak.

I am "keeping watch" over my marriage, my children, my obligations, my friends, my walk with God....and I bet you are too.

As they were keeping watch God was about to swoop down and scatter some crazy glory.

Can you even imagine?

A field full of sheep and shepherds became an audience for a holy showdown of heavenly hosts singing songs of praise that couldn't be contained.

Remember...HE is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

If He would do this for some shepherds keeping watch...why not for you or me?

As you seek to do what He has for you right now He might just show up and scatter some crazy glory and turn your dull day into a divine encounter!

Glory to God in the Highest!!!

Quiet

2011-11-29T21:50:00.002-05:00

The only sound anywhere in my home (other than this keyboard) is complete quiet.

I must tell you that I welcome it after the day I have had.

Today Shep's dad underwent triple by-pass surgery. This was NOT a scheduled procedure but a necessary one. It has caught everyone off guard. The surgery was scheduled for 9:00 am. Then it got pushed back to noon....then 2:00...and ultimately they started somewhere around 5:00 this afternoon.

Long day.

I also learned some sad news that my uncle passed away today. He had been sick for a while...but still...dead doesn't quite seem right.

This week is packed to the gills with activities, practices, appointments, deadlines, commitments and such. Every single night there is something already planned...who knew we could adjust even more for an impromptu surgery and out-of-state funeral?

I passed by the television tonight and heard a quote that made me shiver in my soul. "People aren't made in the crises of life but they are revealed there."

Ugh. Sigh.

Mirror held up to me.

I am seriously about to lose my mind because I am feeling completely overwhelmed by my circumstances.

But.

Overwhelmed is NOT at all who I am supposed to be in the midst of trouble or hardships.

So why do I revert to that behavior?!?

After the kids went to bed I decided I needed a serious dose of truth poured over my freaking out overwhelmed mind.

2 Peter 1:3 says, "His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness...".

I either believe that or I don't.

It could not be more simple.

His divine power lives inside of me AND He has given me everything I need for my crazy, busy, overwhelming life.

I stopped short a bit but the verse goes on to say that He has given me everything I need to be godly as well.

I can tell you with every bit of confidence in me that the last thing I feel right now is godly.

This is why His Word must be my life and breath.

My own feelings will constantly cloud my judgement.

I must trust His Word and rely upon it.

Easier said than done....but at least I am taking a step in that direction this evening.

It is way better than how I started off the night.

Progress is something right...

Treasures at Thanksgiving

2011-11-27T15:46:00.007-05:00

Sometimes life gives you some awesome opportunities to make lemonade out of a hand full of lemons. This was the case with our Thanksgiving this year on both sides. Shep's dad has been having some heart issues so his extended family wanted to stay close by. My family has been dealing with a wayward loved one and so our plans were a little different as well. But....despite the changes...it was a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Like most other families we had mounds of delicious food. The day itself was clear, sunny and perfect for rolling around in the yard, climbing trees, or napping in a swing.
My kids made some pretty fabulous memories. They were jumping in hay bales before 8:00 a.m. They got to sleep in sleeping bags piled on the floor with their cousins. They nuzzled cows and climbed on tractors. They played Battleship, Monopoly, card games, and dress up. They watched ELF a half dozen times and ate enough sugar to last them until Christmas!
It is funny how the role changes in our lives. It seems like it was no time at all when it was me doing all those crazy things....now I just watch and smile as they do them. Thanksgiving is a time to reflect upon each and every blessing that we enjoy and then to also return thanks for those blessings. There is a little verse tucked into the book of Luke that gives us insight into the mother of Jesus and I feel like it is appropriate for how I took it all in at Thanksgiving...

"But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." Luke 2:19

I pray that I will continue to treasure these times with those I love and cherish. May the pondering of my heart provoke me to prayer and faith in the One who has given me so much!

As Morning Dawns..

2011-11-22T07:15:00.003-05:00

This morning didn't begin as I would have liked.

Ava is spending a couple of nights with her grandparents and Caroline isn't one bit happy about not having her sister and room-mate around. So~ she decided that she needed to grace my bed at 5:30 this morning. Shep was slipping out early for bible study and heard her rousing so he brought her to me. Needless to say, the next hour was fitful.

Although 5:30 is early, it wouldn't have normally been that bad. But I didn't get to bed until after 12:30 a.m. My three best childhood friends and I went out to dinner and shopping last night. We only see each other 2-3 times a year so we usually squeeze every ounce of time we can get out of one of our meetings.

Last night was nothing new. We hit a delicious restaurant, then visited Belk, the Avenues, Starbucks, and Target. Whew. By 11:00 I was being the party pooper but I did have the farthest to drive home.

Our time was too short but well worth the childcare and effort to be together!! I would do it again in a minute.

But all of that resulted in a short sleep for me.

So after endless kicking and squirming on Caroline's part, I finally got us both up.

I started the bed-making process and doing the morning routine until I felt completely pulled again to the bed to open God's Word.

I don't know what today holds but He does and He knew I needed a minute of refreshing for my weary soul.

I do know that I am planning to go visit my mentor and dear friend who is in the hospital. She is 88 years old and her faith rivals that of any biblical giant. She has spurred me to believe God since the day Caroline was born! She prays like no one I know. My heart is sad and truthfully I don't know quite how to deal with seeing someone who is "larger than life" in my mind look so weak and depleted in reality.

There are other things too. People I know of and see who are walking dangerous paths in their lives. Paths that have long since parted the way of truth, honor, and righteousness. They are suffering and others will as well. All because the path of pleasure is easier than the narrow way that demands sacrifice, self-control and obedience.

Then there are those who I know are leaning on God for provision, miracles, direction, children, and blessing. These folks pour out their lives in pursuit of Him but the answers seem to delay in coming....

Shep and I are among these people. The hope that must be renewed each day is crucial just to make it to the next sunrise.

I don't say that to sound spiritual....I say exactly what it is. Truth.

God's Word grants me the hope I need to make it through this day and every day. Some days I don't make it an hour or two before running back to it or my scripture cards.

It is life and breathe to me.

It sustains me.

It offers again and again what this world tries to steal.....HOPE!!!

I am inspired to praise Him yet again today for His Word and this blessed HOPE that I know only comes from Him!

I will leave you with my last quote from my morning devotion....a breathe of fresh air...

"We have a God who delights in impossibilities and who asks, 'Is anything too hard for me?'"
Andrew Murray taken from "Streams in the Desert"

With Me

2011-11-18T15:48:00.004-05:00

I don't know about you but I like being with people I love.

Texting is fine. E-mail is ok. A phone call is nice. A real card or letter is awesome. But enjoying the actual presence of someone I love is very high on my list.

As I muse over some of my favorite people to be around I can't help but laugh because God so made me this way. I want to see the facial expressions behind the voice. I want to smell the cologne of my husband or my daddy. I want to hug my momma's neck or see Deana laugh. I so enjoy watching Tess light up as she talks about her Lord.

These are just a few examples of why I like the WITH part of being around my loved ones.

In our culture we have completely neglected this part of our lives. I am guilty myself.

We keep things simple, brief, and for heaven's sake, practical.

But I would really argue the point that being WITH those we need to be WITH is none of those things.

It is almost never simple or brief or practical.

The best things never are....but they are still the best things.

I think God took this particular topic pretty seriously.

He became GOD WITH US.

Immanuel.

It wasn't enough to be on His throne.

He needed closer. He needed to see, taste, feel, touch, hear, and experience all we endure to really be with us.

As the festive time of year rolls around I always get nostalgic. I reminisce of days gone by and people I wish I could spend time WITH right now.

But the truth is I have a whole host of people who have been placed in my life. Some are long standing....some are new....some need my help...others help me.

As believers in Christ we are to do just as He did.

We are to be WITH people.

Believe with them.
Stand with them.
Hope with them.
Walk with them.
Break bread with them.
Open the Word of God with them.

I am filled with thanksgiving over the countless people who have invested time, energy, prayers, and support WITH me.

I want God to constantly remind me of the kind of person I would have been without those folks who were WITH me...I promise you the picture isn't pretty.

Lord more than anything else I want to enjoy Your Presence with me. It is only after I am filled with you that I can pour any goodness into anyone else. Give me time, patience, gentleness and understanding to be WITH people. So many times I am tempted to judge and condemn in my heart. I don't want to be that critical person, but so many times I am. I confess that to you and ask Your forgiveness. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being a WITH-US God! Help us follow Your lead...

Held

2011-11-15T15:10:00.012-05:00

There was a dance in town today for all of the special needs students in our local schools...here are a few pictures of the people who hold up my girl on a daily basis....

This first picture shows Caroline resting in the arms of her favorite man...her daddy. They had just finished a slow dance when I snapped this shot.

The other fella pictured in the second shot just happens to be THE BEST substitute teacher around. My girls lights up when she knows she gets "Mr. Papaw Wes" for the day.
Look at the strong arms on Mrs. Barbara. Oh if I could go back and show you pictures of this sweet lady working with my girl when she was just months old. We have had the awesome privilege of having Barbara as Caroline' s therapist her entire life. I think Mrs. Barbara may have been the first person to ever put Caroline in time-out. And, believe me, that was the first of many fights that were won between Caroline and Barbara.

Here is our latest love....Mrs. Deidre. She has come in our lives this year and works with Caroline every day at school. She is basically Caroline's hands and feet. She feeds her, changes her, teaches her, talks to her, pushes her, and for today's purposes.....she danced with her.

After I gave Shep the camera I threw Caroline over my shoulder and we commenced to doing "The Electric Slide." It wasn't pretty but it was fun.
People ask me all the time how I hold Caroline. Well, I don't know. I just hold her. I don't know any other way. I hold her now just as I did when she was a baby....now she is just my bigger, longer, and lankier baby.
How we look to the day when You fulfill Your healing in our girl...but until then Lord...we thank You for strengthening our arms to handle this load. It is heavy but humbling. You have taught us things that we never would have looked twice to learn. I truly understand heartache and hope in breathtaking new ways! You are so good to us Lord and she is such a blessing. We also thank You for the many others who help us HOLD her in their arms. She isn't a bother to them. She is a joy and delight. She teaches others truths that could never be learned in a book. Bless them Father for they are such blessings to us!

Same Song....Second Saturday

2011-11-13T15:38:00.003-05:00

I couldn't wait to blog last Saturday. Truth be told~ I was about to burst with joy, thanksgiving, and gladness over the wedding of my friends.

This Saturday was quite different....and only 7 days had passed.

Last Saturday I got to sing for a bride to walk down the aisle and meet her groom.
This Saturday I got to sing for a weeping family saying goodbye to a wife, mother, and grandmother.

The weird part was that it was the exact same song.

I have mentioned before that I sing on our vocal team at church. But, in addition to that, I get to sing with two friends of mine that I met through church. We have kind of formed a little trio.

We have no name...we can't seem to agree on one that we all like. Isn't that just like three women!?!
Our trio gets asked to sing for funerals, weddings, banquets, and civic functions. It is such fun and an honor to think that other folks would even want to listen to us.

On Saturday two -thirds of our trio got to minister to the other.

You see it was our friend's mother-in-law who had passed away. She wanted us to sing the song "Under His Wings". She knew that she would need to sit with her husband and their family during this tender time so another awesome friend and vocalist stepped in to do our friend's part in the song.

It was a bit surreal.

We had just done this song a week before.

Last Saturday we did it with such flair, jubilance, and gusto. The tempo was upbeat and the passion was heard in our voices.

This Saturday was every bit as passionate but the tempo was slowed and the ache was real. Our hearts were hurting for this family but we knew that the words of our song were like balm to the broken places.

God is sovereign....in good and in bad.
God will hold us close in joy and in sorrow.

These back to back Saturdays showed me that. One was a day of rejoicing and the other was a bittersweet farewell. However, both days were seen and very felt by our Father who is ever-present and crazy about us.

I will leave you with the words to this powerful song that both proclaimed the entrance of a bride and the exit of a saint....

Under His wings
I am safely abiding
Though the night deepens and tempests are wild
Still I can trust Him
I know He will keep me
He has redeemed me and I am His child.

Under His wings
Under His wings
Who from His love can sever?
Under His wings my soul shall abide
Safely abide forever.

Under His wings
O what precious enjoyment.
There I will hide til this life's trials are o'er
Sheltered, protected, no evil can harm me
Resting in Jesus I'm safe evermore.

Under His wings
Under His wings
Who from His love can sever?
Under His wings my soul shall abide
Safely abide forever. Amen.

Seranaded by songs...

2011-11-09T15:00:00.003-05:00

My day was a little bit different for me.

I don't know about you but I like a little diversity sometimes.

The older I get the more I like routine. But occasionally I like the jolt of spontaneity.

After a planned morning of helping some friends prepare their home for three new adopted children, (in addition to their own 3 children) I had some spare time to kill.

What a concept.

Spare time....to do as I please....I didn't want to waste a moment of it.

I headed down to take lunch to my mom and eat with her.

It was a really sweet time. We ate our McDonald's salads, caught up on life, laughed at funny things, and cried a bit over some heartaches hitting our family at this present time.

As I left her company and headed home I decided to listen to some music.

Immediately one of my kid's music cds began to play.

Nope.

Not today.

I did not have a single child in the car with me so....I hit the cd changer for some grown-up girl time.

The sound of Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood filled my car. Ahhh.......

It was the cd my handsome hubby had made for me.

I listened for most of the ride back to Cartersville.

It was really sweet.

Shep was not with me....but it was like he was.

He had burned this cd especially for me. He had put songs on it that remind him of me....
-When A Man Loves a Woman
-She's Got a Way
-The Way You Look Tonight

You get the picture.

For the majority of my car ride it was like my man was serenading me with songs.

It was immediately comforting to me.

I love music. But when the music has been carefully chosen just for me.....that takes it to a whole new level.

Then God spoke.

I don't know about you but He will speak to me when I least expect it.

He said, "I sing over you too."

I turned off the music and just thought about that for a moment.

How true.

My Lord does sing over me....he sings songs of deliverance, peace, and hope.

Just this week I experienced this. But I don't even think I noticed it at the time...but God is a great reminder.

Earlier in the week I had battled against some real fear and doubt in my life. I petitioned God for help because I felt sapped of strength and I just wanted to quit. I asked God to strengthen me and to give me unbelievable joy because mine was gone.

As I went about my day doing the things I had to do I noticed a subtle change in myself. Nothing had changed about my circumstance. But something on the inside seemed lighter....stronger....even, dare I say, joyful.

That was him.....answering my prayer...singing over me.

Zephaniah 3:17 is one of my favorite verses and it sheds light on this very awesome phenomenon that took place between me and my awesome Lord God...

"The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."

Profound Moments

2011-11-05T20:43:00.004-04:00

I had to get permission to write this blog post because it centers on someone other than me or my family.

It eventually gets around to me because this person's life has affected me.

Her name is Heather O'Dell Jordan. Today it became official. She married the second man of her dreams.

Today was a "full-circle" kind of day.

Don't you love those?

When the wait is finally over and you get to see God work something out to completion.

I am jumping ahead but my heart is so incredibly full and I can hardly stand it.

But I need to back up for you to understand why today was what it was.

I only know Heather and her precious kids through church. I first met her years ago when she had two young boys and was married to Chris. They were a vibrant couple. I would see them in the halls and during the worship service. Before long we learned that Chris had been diagnosed with cancer. He would go on to battle this for a long time.

As this disease ravaged his body, a group of people in our church and in the community began to cry out for healing on his behalf. We would meet daily and pray asking God to heal him. By this time Heather and Chris had added two more children to their family. We couldn't fathom or face the fact that God would potentially take this husband and father to heaven at such a young age.

As anyone reading this blog knows...I am believing God to heal my daughter. So believing God to heal Chris was not a big jump for me. Chris also believed with us. Anytime we would gather to pray over him for healing he would say, "Where is Caroline. Let's pray for her too."

My girl has sat in his lap. She has been in her wheelchair beside him....and in the last days of his life...she was laid next to him on his bed.

It was what he wanted us to do. Pray for his healing and hers too.

It was in this last week of his life that I got the awesome privilege of watching Heather live out her faith and do it well.

Each day she did what she vowed to do on her wedding day....she loved and cherished Chris in "sickness and in health". A friend of mine who is very close to Heather asked me to come and just stay with them during the day. Little did I know this would be his last day.

We spent most of the day sitting on top of the bed that Chris was lying in. Heather would attend his every need. We sang to him. We read the bible to him. We prayed over him every single hour.

I won't go into the final details but I was honored to witness my brother in Christ leave this earth for good. The moments that I remember and the faces that are forever imprinted in my mind are almost too sacred to talk about. The moments were truly sad but precious at the same time.

I will NEVER FORGET what happened next.

Just minutes after losing her husband and best friend, Heather grabs my hands in hers and says, "Don't you stop believing God to heal Caroline. Just because He didn't heal Chris here does not mean that He is not going to heal her."

I almost couldn't breathe.

How could she say these words to me?

How is she not consumed with anger and hurt?

The funeral was like a worship service. It was tender, sweet, and God honoring. During one of the songs Heather even lifted her hands toward heaven in praise to the very God who had not answered her prayer.

Wow. If that isn't a picture of the grace that He gives us when we need it most then I don't know what is...

(Fast forward a few years. Heather and the kids have kept going. They have lived life day after day. I don't want to minimize this time because I am sure there were more nights of tears in her pillow that we can imagine but ..... she has stayed faithful and committed to her God, her family, her friends, and her church.)

Several months ago I was sitting at my computer looking at Facebook. I just happened to see Heather's latest status. It was a picture of her and a handsome fella that I knew had to be something special. Her smile was telling on her. It was as if her whole face was screaming...."I am in love!!!"

Sure enough God had brought Heather another man.

Anyone could look at them and just tell that they were completely over the moon for one another. He proposed; and the date was set.

Saturday, November 5th, 2011.

It was a very intimate wedding. Family and family-like friends were the only ones invited. The only reason I even got to be there was because the trio I sing with was asked to provide a song.

And sing we did.

Somehow our voices got to provide the crescendo to this bride and groom meeting at their altar.

I honestly don't know how we got through it. There was not a dry eye in the room.

We were crying tears of absolute joy and redemption!

God had done what we love to see Him do! Heal...Rebuild....Restore....

I didn't get to stay for the entire reception but I did get to catch their first dance as husband and wife. Andy is over 6'5 and Heather is only about 5'4....so his frame protectively towers over hers. As they danced I could see how firm and steady he was holding her. All Heather had to do was relax in his embrace. He was leading her....holding her....guiding her.... safe in his arms.

Isaiah 61:3

"...and provide for those who grieve in Zion-
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor."

Oh yes I did!!

2011-11-02T14:58:00.012-04:00

Cute as a button....even if she is a Candy Corn Witch..
Can you even believe that I dressed up for Halloween at 34 years old? Such a sad little ensemble...my kids loved it though!
Ava asked to be a witch this year. This was a huge departure from princesses and fairies from past Halloweens.

Caroline was a throw back to peace, love and happiness with her momma...
I don't think this peace sign lasted for much of the night. She was quite a hippie chick!
Check out my strong little Iron Man...
There is that sweet smile behind the mask. The mask didn't last long either....it kept getting in the way of delicious treats going into the mouth!
Hippie girl in the arms of her grand-daddy...one of her favorite places to be!
The whole family cuddled in for a hay ride. It was a happy Halloween!

A little something extra

2011-10-31T13:01:00.003-04:00

We were watching a re-run of "Little House on the Prairie" and one of the characters used the word~ extraordinary.

Ava piped up and asked what extraordinary meant.

As I thought on it...I explained that it meant that something or someone was ordinary plus a little something extra.

I like to think in terms of food. French fries are ordinary; but french fries topped with cheese, bacon and ranch dressing for dipping makes them extraordinary.

We're talking a whole new level.

God used this to speak to me again last night at prayer time. We were watching a video by Jim Cymbala describing the work of the Holy Spirit in churches and in the lives of believers.

He explained that our entire belief system is supernatural. Not just natural...SUPER natural. Kind of like extraordinary, huh?

The virgin birth....supernatural.
The resurrection...supernatural.
The salvation experience....supernatural.

Yet we try to live and operate our everyday lives naturally.

Can you say frustrating????

You can't scrape cheese, bacon, and ranch dressing off of fries once they have been topped. It just doesn't work that way.

So why do we try to live like everyone else?

The deal is we are to be Holy Spirit filled...equipped with every spiritual blessing, ready and willing to be used mightily in the hands of a holy, creative, and powerful God.

So, as badly as we want to fit in and assimilate into neat little ordinary lives.....we weren't meant to.

We are extraordinary!

We are ordinary people but with a little (or how about a HUGE) something extra.

When I look at people that I deeply respect and admire I see this extraordinary quality at work in their lives.

They are completely ordinary people. There is nothing unique about them.

Life deals them heartaches, hardships, rejection, turmoil, and suffering just like everyone else...but something emerges above all else.

A fierce, passionate, determined joy and peace that blows anyone who bothers to look away.

Extraordinary...supernatural.

Let it be me!!!

Acts 19:11-12 "God did extraordinary miracles through Paul, so that even the handkerchiefs and aprons that had touched him were taken to the sick, and their illnesses were cured and the evil spirits left them."

Forget Not

2011-10-26T12:52:00.002-04:00

A piece of scripture tenderly assaulted my heart this week as I worked through my bible study.

It comes from Psalm 103.

It says, "Praise the Lord, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."

Do we forget?

Do we go on with our days, nights, and weekends and let the benefits of being God's child escape our present state of mind?

I think we were challenged not "to forget"because God knew that between the craziness of life and the blows of the enemy we would be tempted to do just that....forget.

Not intentionally mind you...we would never forget awesome things on purpose.

We just let the issues at hand (money, work, health, kids, etc...) become bigger than the benefits we are so blessed to have.

I don't know about you but I don't want to forget anymore. I want to intentionally remember!

I'm forgiven!
I'm healed!
I'm redeemed!
I'm crowned!
I'm satisfied!
I'm renewed!

As if that isn't enough to get your motor running for JESUS I'll leave you with more great benefits. Psalm 103 goes on to say...

The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
He does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

FORGET NOT THE BENEFITS OF BEING HIS CHILD!!!!!!!!!

Finally Fall...

2011-10-23T14:57:00.012-04:00

We hit the road on Saturday and made tracks to one of our favorite Fall places...the Apple Barn. Fall has finally arrived in North Georgia. We have had our first frost and I actually left the house in a sweater.
The view was spectacular. We were about a week before the peak of leaf turning but we still got an eye full of God's beauty on display...
We purposely take the long route so that we can go past this....
I have to tease my big girl because she gets her beautiful big buck teeth from me....thank you God for the orthodontist who will eventually correct this. But, until then, she is gifted at holding on to an apple!!
Ava had worn a sweater too. But it was shed quickly after running and playing in the sunshine.
Two peas in a pod. These boys (my boys) are a mess. They played hard all day.
When I saw this pic I was amazed at how similar Zeke and Ava's features are...check out their eyes and noses in particular. Crazy!
Boiled peanuts, fried apple pies, cider, and apples....HERE WE COME!!
I think we only had to threaten a spanking a few times to get these smiles. What is it with kids not wanting to pause to capture photo ops??
This is us...just being us. It was one fine fall day!

Zeal

2011-10-19T15:07:00.002-04:00

Yesterday afternoon Ava was in the middle of telling me all about her day at school when she stopped and gasped, "Mom, ______ doesn't go to church, or know Jesus, or have a Bible!"

I told her that she would meet many more who did not go to church or know Jesus or have a bible and that was a BIG reason that Jesus wants us to tell them.

She said, "I have an extra bible for ______."

I said "Great!"

Then our day went on and the discussion was a thing of the past in my mind.

Until this morning....

I walked Ava to her classroom to talk to her teacher about something. As I was talking I could see Ava out of the corner of my eye. She wasn't unloading her book bag like she was supposed to be doing. She has dropped her book bag and is walking over to ________ with the bible in her hands.

Of course, my attention was diverted. But not wanting to be a full on spying nosy mom...I pretended to still be talking to the teacher.

But, oh....my heart was bursting with pride and unfortunately a touch of apprehension.

Why?

Because of what I saw next.

________ did not want was Ava was offering.

Not being deterred, she held the bible out again.

Still ___________ did not want it.

Finally Ava walked back toward her book bag.

I finished up my discussion and walked over to my zealous little 6 year old girl.

I knelt down and said (trying to be completely casual), "Hey whatcha doin with that bible?"

She replied (with confidence) "Just putting it in __________'s cubby."

For those of you who don't know what a "cubby" is.....it is the first grade equivalent to a locker.

_______ may not have wanted it but Ava was making sure that _________ got it.

Zeal.

We could learn a lot.

Lord, flame this ember that is burning in my baby's heart. I pray that she, Caroline, and Zeke will passionately follow You. I know they will experience rejection but help them to plant many seeds in the name of Jesus.

O' Happy Day!

2011-10-16T21:02:00.011-04:00

Is it mean that we buckled Zeke in his car seat and quickly got to the deck to snap some pictures of the girls on their special day? Nah...
Shep and his girls.....Ava was so pumped for baptism day. Caroline was nervous, but trying to be a trooper.
It was officially time. The white robes gave the whole event some flair and made it feel quite ceremonious.
I could just eat them up....such a special day for sisters to share!
Because Caroline cannot sit up on her own, Shep also adorned a white robe to hold her in the baptismal. So...daddy got to really be a part of the experience.
This is Mr. Doug. He serves on staff at our church. Everyone loves Mr. Doug....especially the kids. He is more than willing to make a complete fool of himself for the sake of Christ...and he usually does during VBS every year. What kid doesn't love that?!? Ava and Caroline requested him to do the dunking.
This is Mrs. Lisa. She is the engine that propels our flourishing children's ministry. We are so blessed to have servants that passionately proclaim Christ and make Him come alive to our kids. She is always smiling and shows our kids that Jesus created fun!! (Can you see the fear in Caroline's eyes? She is looking at the water and isn't quite sure what to make of it yet.)
O' Happy Day, Happy Day! You washed my sins away....
O' Happy Day, Happy Day! I'll never be the same!!

Greedy

2011-10-12T21:55:00.002-04:00

The past couple of weeks my Bible study has focused on the abundance we have in Christ.

I have already blogged about it a little but I think the topic begs to be revisited.

We have more than we can imagine at our disposal through Jesus Christ.

He is the First and Last and Everything in between.

He is the I AM. He needs nothing and is in charge of everything.

I look at my own life and I see things that I want more of....money, time, patience, wisdom, grace, and faith. The list goes on and on...take my word for it.

As I studied people in God's Word who encountered Him....they walked away with so much more than they bargained for or imagined.

-The widow of Nain met Him at her son's funeral and walked away with her son who was made alive.

-Mary and Martha met him with tears of sorrow and left Him rejoicing with tears of gladness as their brother had been raised to life again.

-The woman at the well met Him thirsty for water from the well and left Him with Living Water that would never run dry.

-The leper met Him covered in putrid, life-draining lesions and left Him glowing with the newness of flesh and life.

-The lame met him from down low and left Him raised up and jumping for joy.

-The woman caught in adultery met Him with shame and sorrow and left Him with dignity, love, and hope for a new day.

There are so many others...but you get my point.

The way we meet Him is NOT how He plans to leave us.

He has an abundance of MORE!!!!

I am NOT saying that Christ always heals physically but He does always heal.

Something struck me as I studied the woman at the well. Her story tells that she left Him and went and told everyone she could find about Him.

See she couldn't keep quiet.

Her abundance was spilling out. It couldn't be contained.

More led to more.....

I want to be greedy that way. I want more of God. I want more people to want more of God.

Did you notice that the people I mentioned were not in ideal situations when they met Christ? They were hurting in some way or another.

And there He was....with them...in the midst of the pain.

Hurt produces the hunger.

Lord I will thank you again for the trials of this life. Each tear has been seen and kept by You. These trials help me tirelessly pursue You....and You don't disappoint. I love you so much, Lord.

Then sings my soul....

2011-10-10T15:20:00.003-04:00

This new week did not greet me with great news.

It just seems like there is no end to financial stress.....we are feeling it hard.... as are so many others we know and love.

But still.

It is here and it is ours to deal with.

Hard stuff.

This afternoon I am fighting off the self-pity stuff.

On top of the junk swirling around in my head, I have now had to put Caroline in time-out for the first of probably many times.

I don't know what it is about coming home after school. She will cry and pitch fits for seemingly no reason. This is the time when I wish she could talk to me. But she can't so she resorts to kicking furniture or other things to get my attention. Time-out has to come into play when she deliberately disobeys me. People give me mixed reactions when I discuss behavior issues concerning my handicapped little girl. There is a lot in her life that constitutes treating her differently but we don't coddle rude behavior in this house....even if you are disabled. Believe you me....Caroline's body can't work correctly but her mind is fierce and sharp.

It seems that the only thing that works with her is to be isolated.

But, seriously. I hate doing it.

And it seems like we do it every single day.

Yuck.

Also, Ava is not feeling too great from having her flu vaccine. She is burrowed down in our big chair with a blanket. She is a bit hoarse and continues to rattle off with an occasional cough.

Thankfully one Helton child is enjoying a nap....and I'm sure he and I both will be the better for it when he wakes up.

Anyway I wanted to blog and thank the Lord for an awesome opportunity yesterday.

Isn't that what we are supposed to do when we are tempted to jump head first into a huge pool of "poor pitiful me"??

Be thankful.

So that is what I am going to choose to do.

Yesterday I got to go and sing with two other ladies who I love to pieces. We went to a church about an hour away and put on a little mini-concert. We had the privilege of singing 5 songs in their 11:00 service. I just loved it. There is something pretty awesome about singing praise to the one and only Jesus Christ; but it is even more spectacular when you are singing and you get to see the evidence of blessing on the faces of those listening.

Why?

Not because we are that good.

No.

But because of who we are singing about....our amazing God!

Let me tell you....I know these girls I was singing with. I have known them for well over 10 years and I have personally seen God do extraordinary things in their lives. I believe that they would say the same thing about me. I have watched Him rescue, heal, restore, rebuild, protect, expose, uplift, bless, equip, change, provide, establish, and renew them...and me. Gratitude pours from each of us and we want others to know it. Singing gives us that avenue.

Sometimes I can sing it better than I can say it.

It's like singing gives my soul a voice.

"Then sings my soul my Savior God to thee.
How great Thou art
How great Thou art
Then sings my soul my Savior God to thee.
How great Thou art.
How great Thou art."

Colossians 2:6-7 "So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness."

By the light of the moon..

2011-10-06T22:32:00.002-04:00

I have been a little off this week in my bible study. I can tell too.

Andrea without the Word of God permeating her life is not a good thing.

It is fall break here and our ladies Bible study group (which I have the awesome privilege of leading) decided to take a week off from meeting.

Time off is a good thing but I tend to fall behind when I don't have something holding my feet to the fire.

When I know that I have to stand in front of those women, look them in the eye and give them biblical instruction....I better be prepared.

Anyway I have been lagging. It has been a good week. But I can feel the pull of my flesh. My thoughts wander. My heart gives way. My doubts and fears begin their incessant whisperings. I knew that I could not stand one more second away from the Presence of my Lord.

His pull on my heart was overwhelming.

Funny too. It wasn't a pull of discipline....like a parent getting on to a child.

It was more like the pull I feel when Shep has been out of town and I am dying to see him, hug him, and hear his voice.

That was more like it.

Isn't it cool that God wants us to yearn for Him that way?

So...I slipped out into the night and planted myself on our sidewalk. The air was perfect. The sky was full of stars and the moon was shining bright. Then I opened His Word.

My study was focusing on John chapter 15. Jesus is talking about God the Father being the master Gardener and how He is the vine. We, believers in Christ, are the branches of that vine. The Word talks about His love toward us and how we are to remain and abide in His love.

When we do....these branches called our lives will produce fruit.

I thought about the fruit in my life.

Am I producing any??

Do others want more of Jesus because they see Him in me??

Yikes. I'm not sure and I don't think good intentions count.

There are many days spent in fruitless efforts.

Days when I try to make things happen instead of just abiding in Him.

Maybe tonight was fruitful. Not that anyone saw me but I knew I was missing something...Someone. The day is over and done but my heart couldn't rest until I had met with Him. Maybe learning to abide is first understanding when you aren't.

Lord, Your love for me is just indescribable. Thank you for tonight. I loved our meeting under the stars. Your Word spoke to my heart...it always does. I know You want to produce fruit in my life. Sometimes I really don't enjoy that process. It usually hurts and requires sacrifice on my part. Still, I trust You and I know You are worth it. Once I have begun to produce some fruit I usually become satisfied and I want to coast for a while. Because of your great love for me...you aren't. You want to produce even more fruit....much fruit. Help me to be a compliant child. Increase my faith. Forgive my failures. Gain some glory!

Walking the walk

2011-10-02T14:13:00.006-04:00

These are Shep's favorite boots.
This is Shep's favorite little boy in them....notice they are on the wrong feet.
I love the thought of him wanting to be like his daddy so badly. So why shouldn't he get out his dad's big ol' shoes and go through the motions of walking in them??
Well, maybe this is why. These cumbersome and heavy boots prove to be too much for his little 3 year old frame. It is inevitable that he will collide the floor in short time...
But usually he gets back up and gives it another go....even if he knows he will fall. Just attempting to walk in his daddy's shoes is worth it!

This is exactly how I want to attempt walking by faith.

Of course I am going to fall sometimes.

My feet are going to seem unsteady. I may even think I am unable to walk the path that has been set before me.

After all God gives us some pretty big shoes to fill.

But progress is worth something.

Each day I grow and mature in my faith. At first the task seems bigger than I can bear. Until one day I put on the shoes and they seem to fit better. I seem to know how to maneuver better. They don't seem as heavy or cumbersome.

Growth has happened. All that practicing has paid off!

Oh Lord how I want to walk in a manner that is pleasing to You! Give me persistence for the days that I seem to fall over and over again. Just as our hearts swell at Zeke trying to be like Shep, I pray that You gush over your kids trying to be like You too!

My undoing...

2011-09-29T15:12:00.002-04:00

Just wanted to share a couple of things that might lead to my undoing....either in the size of my pants or the size of my bank account.:)

First of all my throwback favorite these days is a Twix candy bar.

I mean seriously. Is there anything much better than taking that bite and then watching as the caramel forms a thin string between the remaining bar in your fingers and the bite in your mouth?

So good.

Next on my list is the Starbucks Salted Caramel Mocha Frappaccino (pause for a moment...just to give respect to the goodness).

I really don't have words.

Try it and you'll see.

(A special thank you to my sweet friend who got me a Starbucks gift card for my birthday! I am still using it! Uh....actually I have one more purchase and I bet you can guess what it will be!?! It was a wonderful gift and I have loved using it for special treats!)

2011-09-26T14:11:00.002-04:00

One of the reasons I enjoyed going on a mission trip this past summer was because I got to be immersed in a place with LESS.

Less food.
Less comfort.
Less ease.
Less materials.

Never have I been more aware of the state I constantly live in at home: MORE!

Everyone I know...including me....wants more.

I am not so sure that this is a bad thing, in and of itself.

We start going downhill when we want more stuff.

My bible study this week has honed in on the concept of "more".....in a good way.

When we get a taste of something good. We want more.

I believe God gave this to us.

However, He should be the bottomless well that we are drawing our "more" from.

His mercies never end.
He lacks nothing.
He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

Listen to some of the portions from my study and see how they hit ya:

"He (God) calls us to the ongoing act of believing. For many of us the act of belief that secures our salvation is past tense and complete. We have already trusted Christ for salvation. We are now and forever secured, but tragically, too many live in past-tense belief, believing God for little more from that time forward."

"Is the scope of your belief in Christ in the past-tense security of salvation, or are you in the active, ongoing lifestyle of believing Christ? Are we simply nouns-believers? Or are we also verbs-believing?"

There are certain prayers that God will always answer on our behalf.

When we ask for more of the right things....He turns on the faucet and lets it rip!

More of Him.
More faith.
More mercy.
More hope.
More love.
More grace.
More forgiveness.
More goodness.
More kindness.
More wisdom.
More understanding.
More self-control.

Is there anything in your life that more of these wouldn't help?!?

Me neither.

Oh Lord, less of us and more of You. Thank you for knowing and creating us with a thirst for abundance. Let us crave and thirst for MORE of the right things. Everything else is an illusion to satisfy. Only You quench the inner desires and only You can give without running out....how we love You!!!

How They Roll

2011-09-21T15:08:00.012-04:00

Two Saturdays ago (when I was gone to the Women's conference) Ava decided to ride her little bike.

It is almost too little for her.

(Maybe Santa will catch that hint for Christmas:)

But she literally picked up the bike, figured out the balancing thing for herself and the rest has been history.

We have spent a lot of time the past two weeks hanging out in our cul-de-sac. We live at the end of the neighborhood so we don't have a lot of traffic coming through. Ava can pedal away. Zeke tries to keep up with her on his little tricycle.

Caroline and I sit together and watch the show and the smiles.

Not liking to be outdone....Caroline and I sometimes race them in her chair. We win!!

But I just love the joy of the whole experience.
Being outside.
A fall breeze blowing in the trees.
Smiles plastered on dirty little faces.

She will whiz past me and yell...."Mom, this is so much fun!"

I remember.

There is just something about that freedom of pedaling yourself, propelling forward and going (within limits) where you want to go.

I had to add this last one.....for anyone who has the awesome privilege of knowing my husband.

Are you surprised at all?!?

My Courage Ran Away..

2011-09-19T14:07:00.003-04:00

Zeke and I were browsing through the fruit section in our local Ingles grocery store.

As we rounded a corner, I noticed a young guy pushing a buggy with a little girl in it. There wasn't anything that stood out about him per se. It was the shirt he was wearing.

It was solid black and in the middle was a bold red cross. A white "X" slashed over the cross and the message underneath read, "Bad Religion".

I was awe-struck. Dumb-founded. I couldn't move momentarily. Finally I noticed I was gaping at him and urged myself to stumble forward.

How could someone have such an offense toward something that purchased freedom for so many?

I have kicked myself a hundred times already for not praying immediately and asking for help. Right then. Right there.

I feel sure that God wanted me to kindly approach this young man and say something like, "Excuse me. May I ask you about the meaning of your shirt?"

God may have just wanted me to listen to his reply and move on.

But I bet the young man would've asked me why I asked him about it or maybe not?

But if he had (and I'll never know now) I would have been able to tell him..

"That cross on your shirt has been my saving grace. It represents ALL that God went through to save me. Nothing about it is religious to me. That is too impersonal. No~ that cross means life, forgiveness, pardon, mercy, newness, restoration, healing, grace and hope. I know from my own experience. That cross gives me a DO-OVER every single day. I just hate it that someone or something has demeaned it for you. See for yourself. Seek the man who hung on that cross."

That was what I would have said......what I should have said.

1 Corinthians 1:18 " For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God."

A Helton Double Dip

2011-09-15T15:18:00.009-04:00

Are these two precious girls a "hot mess" or what?!?

They are growing up....too fast.

They crack me up.
They warm my heart.
They teach me truths.
They break down walls.
They open my eyes.

They are worth every laugh line, gray hair, and stretch mark I have gained to have them!

On October 16th (hopefully) they will celebrate a pretty huge milestone~ together.
Baptism.

I posted a while back(summer) that Ava and Caroline both accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior.

They want to proceed with the next step to acknowledge to everyone that they love Jesus and He is their Lord.

Their faith is so precious. I believe God's heart swells at the sight of those he formed in the womb learning to trust Him at such an early age.

Shep and I have prayed that God would draw them early to establish a foundation of love, trust and faith in Him.

So many pitfalls of life can be avoided when we learn to let Jesus be our best friend from the very start.

We are so excited for this event. It will be at Cartersville First Baptist at the 10:30 service. Anyone (especially those of you who have walked this journey with us) is welcome to come and be a part of our family on this day.

I will finish with this.

After we had Caroline and half-way adjusted to life with a very disabled child(years later), we desperately wanted another child.

Many people told us not to proceed in that way. There were a litany of reasons:

It would be too hard.
We weren't ready.
It wouldn't be fair to Caroline.
How would we handle it?
The demands would out weigh the benefits.

But still God said.....Proceed.

By far the very best gift I could have given Caroline, Shep or myself was Ava Ruth Helton.

She was the light in what had been a long dark tunnel.

We were all enamored and taken with her bouncing curls and easy personality. She motivated Caroline like no one else could.....and God knew that.

I love knowing that God used Ava to open the door for Caroline's salvation.

Through our conversations with Ava....we have seen Caroline's reactions and interest. She has let us know through her expressions, modified sign language and enthusiasm that she is on board. What a sweet thing for sisters to share!

Matthew 19:14
but Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven."

To know and be known

2011-09-13T08:24:00.005-04:00

Knowledge is power.

That is a popular mantra but it is also true.

Think about the things you KNOW.

I know that a hot Krispy Kreme doughnut is going to melt in my mouth.
I know that Shep's eyes find me whenever I walk into a room.
I know how my children smell and what they love.
I know how good a hot bath can make me feel.
I know now what a real friend is.
I know that every Goodwill store has a treasure for me to find.
I know that I pay too much for Starbucks coffee.
I know that walking into a super Target makes my heart beat faster.
I know that singing praises awakens my soul and satisfies a deep desire.
I know that God's Word can heal the broken places in my heart and mind.
I know that He hears me when I call.
I know that hiding His Word in my heart gives me strength beyond measure.

How do I know??

I know each of these things because I live and breathe them. Doing over and over becomes knowing.

Something else I love is being known to people.

I don't mean this is in the sense of popularity at all. I mean that I love really being known to a select few.

Those who have weathered the time-tests and have proven faithful, trustworthy, and true.

I love that I am known (really) to just a handful of people.

I am known as a wife.
I am known as a mommy to three pretty cool kids.
I am known as best friend.
I am known as a secret keeper.
I am known as an accountability partner.
I am known as an encourager.
I am known as a daughter.
I am known as a sister.
I am known as an intercessor.
I am known as a teacher.
I am known as a singer.
I am known as a desperate God chaser.

But there is One who usurps all others.

I am known to the great I AM.

I am fully known by Him.

Every desire. Every hideous sin. Every thought. Every tear. Every heartache. Every ugly motive. Every belly laugh. Every hair on my head. Every wrinkle. Every hope. Every tear. Every shaky step of faith.

I am known....

Ps. 25:14 " The LORD confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them."

Ps. 119:168 " I obey your precepts and your statutes, for all my ways are known to you."

1 Cor. 8:3 " But the man (or woman) who loves God is known by God."

My Sin

2011-09-10T20:51:00.002-04:00

I went to a local church today and joined with thousands of other women by way of a simulcast to worship and be taught by Beth Moore.

Let's be serious....God had a lot to say to me. He just used Mrs. Moore as his mouthpiece.

My mind swirls with the knowledge and revelation that these ears were privy to today. I pray that God uses the soft soil in my heart today to plant many seeds of wisdom and understanding. Goodness knows I will need them in days to come. Any woman trying to fall in line with the demands of this life is sure to need all the help she can get.

Anyway, I hope to share more as God hashes it out with me in the days to come.

As the morning began we started out singing praises to God.

Something happened.

My heart and the sin that resides there was exposed.

God flat called it out.

Worry
Cynicism
Doubt
Jealousy
Anger

I have been a worrying, cynical, doubting, jealous, and angry mess for the past few weeks. Not that most of you would notice, mind you. I am as good as the next girl at dressing it up to look cute. Normal even. But just under the surface lies a bunch of brooding issues that I stay content to keep at a low boil.

The more I sang about the greatness of my God and all of His attributes, I was amazed at how BIG He became and how small these other things really are.

The truth is He is never small. My perspective just gets thwarted. I start believing what I feel instead of what I know. Then my mind follows the leading of my ever-wandering heart and I stay defeated.

Needless to say, I repented. And fast.

Instantly I was caught up with His scandalous love for me and I was undone and overwhelmed. My praise was effortless and I felt like I could have done it for a thousand years and it still wouldn't have been enough.

How is it that my sin doesn't keep Him away?

I keep Him away by refusing to deal with my stuff.

He knew I would have a blast worshiping Him and He also knew that I couldn't do it half-way. I had to be right in my heart for it to really be meaningful.

What a God!
What a Savior!
What a Friend!

As we sang one of my favorite songs I was reminded anew of why these past few weeks have seemed like I was smothering under quick sand.

"On Christ the soild rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand."

He alone is solid enough for me to stand upon.

Everything else will leave me sinking into pits of depression and fear.

What are you standing on today?!?

Just a tiny detail...

2011-09-08T16:33:00.002-04:00

So today Zeke and I had to run some errands.

We left bible study. (so good today)

We got to have lunch with two good-looking men. (my man and my daddy)

Then we headed off to the local Wal-Mart. I seriously think my head begins to pound as soon as we pull in and begin the process of looking for a parking place.

After only an hour....we left there and headed to the Dollar Tree. (because, of course, we still needed a few things)

Upon leaving the Dollar Tree, we headed into Sally Beauty Supply. In case you are wondering what I could possibly need there...I will tell you. Hair nets. They do the trick for holding a bun in place for Ava during ballet class.

I must interject and tell you that Zeke has been a great sport. We have only had to detour to the potty once and so far, at least, we were "spanking" free.

Being unfamiliar with the store I had to look around to find the hair nets. Then I had to discuss the different options with the clerk. As I am getting my information and trying to pay...Zeke has decided to peruse the free-standing product table. There are a few other women standing in line behind me. All of a sudden I hear....

"Hey mommy. It's you. Look at your picture, mommy!"

Knowing there is no photo of me in this store. I pause from my conversation with the clerk, turn my head (along with the women behind me) and see what Zeke has found to remind him of me.

On a box is a picture of a pretty young woman. She has a big smile and lots of dark curly hair. A defining feature is that she is African American.

Of course, I am not.

The other women get a kick out of my 3 year old's observation. I already see the makings of a little man who needs to pay more attention to detail.

Seriously?!?

This little boy is with me every single day. He kisses my face. He sits in my lap. He wakes up to my face and goes to bed with my snuggles.

How could he miss this tiny little detail????

Technical Difficulties

2011-09-07T13:38:00.006-04:00

Ever wish you could just wear a sign that said, "Do not disturb. This person is experiencing technical difficulties. The problem should be resolved soon and they will be in working order shortly."

That is the sign I would wear today. Maybe for a few days....:)

It seems like everything in our world can break down. If a computer gets overloaded...it will freeze up. If a refrigerator, washing machine, or microwave has put in enough time...it eventually wears out. Clothes break down and become threadbare after too many wears and washes.

If left to our own pitiful selves....we will do the same thing.

Shut down.
Break down.
Give out.
Quit.

The Christian life has to be intentional. It must be lived according to faith. Faith accepts what can't be seen.

When I settle for what I see.....I lose heart. I feel terrible. I literally start to waste away.

2 Corinthians 4:16
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.

Oh God. Hit the refresh button in my life. I feel like I am one step away from overload and exhaustion. Please renew me from the inside out. I need a fresh perspective. Your Word brings life and healing. I know this is true. I know where You found me and where You have taken me. I am thankful for the ways You have worked. I just want to see the waters stirring again. Help me to be intentional in my walk with You. Help me to live focused on eternity.

On a lighter note...

2011-09-04T15:16:00.011-04:00

My posts last week were pretty intense.

So....I decided not to say much at all and give glimpses of the little people who high light my days the most.

The one person obviously missing from these pictures is my handsome husband.

Just know...He is my favorite person on earth. Although he tends to shy away from photo opportunities.

God's score

2011-08-31T09:01:00.005-04:00

The world has such a flair for winning!

When a runner crosses the finish line first....there are cheers and a medal.

When a boxer wins with a knockout....there is a championship belt.

When a politician wins the election...there is party and victory speech.

We love to win.

We love how it feels.

When Shep and I sit and cheer on our Georgia bulldogs...we enjoy the wins even though all we did to contribute was watch and yell!!

Winning feels great! The adrenaline is pumping. You can't help but smile from ear to ear. Somehow current difficulties seem to vanish in light of what has been accomplished. The load feels lighter. The air seems sweeter. The outlook is brighter.

Oddly, or maybe in drastic contrast....God's form of winning doesn't always FEEL like a win.

There may not be an immediate smile.
The difficulties may still weigh heavily.
The load is pressing in.
The air seems stale and stagnant.
The outlook still bleak.

Almost two days have passed since posting my last blog.

Whew...it was a rough time.

(I so appreciate those of you who texted me with words of encouragement. Being my friend can be a rough undertaking. The brave few have lasted. Some of the most self-less people I know.)

Anyway, God has since shown me that I won that day.

Or actually...He won.

Dang! It didn't feel like it. There were no cheers. No victory speeches. No sudden change.

My form of winning didn't look like "a win" at all.

It looked more like standing. I just stood still. I refused to move although I badly wanted to. So I stood. I declared my trust. I declared my hope. Then I fell into bed. Exhausted but victorious still.

I didn't take the posture of former days.

That was the win.

Despite how I felt. Despite how things looked. Despite how dim the future seems in this area....I chose to trust. I did not cover up the real-ness of it. I didn't understate the weight of how things really felt.

I drew near to Him.

I chose to cling.

So the victory was mine.

Angels rejoiced over the progress in this girl's life. My friend, Jesus, lifted my head and held me in the refuge of His arms.

Matthew 10:39 "Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it."

Even here...

2011-08-29T17:17:00.003-04:00

(A brief disclaimer before I write...this blog is my place to vent, express, share, and be transparent on my faith walk. I DO NOT have all the answers and I DO NOT have everything together. So...there are times when I just share my heart...the good, the bad, and the super ugly. I realize you may disagree or find offense with what I write but if you choose to comment in an unkind and malicious way...I will delete your comment. My blog= my rules.)

So I wanted to come to this keyboard and pound out a blog entry that exuded fun, happiness, and joy.

Today has been pretty hassle free. I've been productive at Shep's office and at home. We have completed homework and dinner is in the oven. Zeke has napped and the girls have had their baths. I have even done 2 days of my Bible study homework in one sitting. My kids have showered me with hugs and God gently pushed me on my hammock swing outside with the gentle breezes this afternoon.

But, right now...this very moment. My heart aches.

This blog was intended for real-ness. The world (and other Christians) long to see real people dealing with real life in godly ways. Does that mean we won't hurt? Does that mean pain will somehow be slighted for us.

No!

It is holding fast to the anchor when your ache is so strong you can hardly breathe.

It is persevering through the battles that rage in your mind.

It is knowing He is very present in your midst while feeling all alone.

That is what I felt compelled to write about today. I wanted some uplifting encouragement but maybe this is it.

Today when I finished bathing my 9 year old girl. I put 2 things on her that I never thought I would do at the same time....a diaper and deodorant.

The diaper is nothing new. She has to wear them because she is unable to be consistently potty trained. So she has been wearing them every day of her life.

But now....as time passes...her body is changing and she now needs deodorant.

(On a different day I might have gotten tickled at this but today I can barely see the computer screen through my tears...)

Today it hurts...
Today I want to quit believing what He has told me...
Today all I feel are the bad things....
Today it seems like too much to bear....

but the encouragement is.....that HE is right here.

This swirling sea of emotions is raging and my faith wants to drown in my fears... but His voice whispers hope.

The pain is still very real.

The hopelessness wants to take over and send me running to bed with the covers over my head and the shades drawn.

But in order to fully experience the miracle of His hope, His voice, His peace, His power, and His sustaining Presence~ then I must fully experience hurt.

Without the hurt of this life....I wouldn't want Him.

So~I don't know what your "hurt" is? Today my hurt is "diapers and deodorant". Tomorrow it could be something totally different and unexpected.

But I rest in knowing that He will meet me there too.

Psalm 66:20 "Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me."

Way Over Due...

2011-08-26T22:31:00.008-04:00

He has never once tried to climb out of his crib.

It is like his little nest. He loves it. Do you see all the toys that he keeps in it?

Cars, footballs (several sizes), a basketball, fake snakes, toy alligators, bears, and match box cars all keep him company...not to mention his favorite blankets and his pillow pet.
This past week we finally set up his big boy bed.

He was not happy about it at first....but we built excitement around the house and he soon caught on.

He did great. Ava even coached him on how different it would feel and she assured him that should fear seep in...she was just a room away.

He seemed so big in his crib and now so small in his bed....

I know now why my mom used to look into my eyes and say, "Please don't grow up. Please don't get big."

I just want to stop Caroline, Ava, and Zeke at their exact ages of 9,6, and 3 and freeze time.

The phrases and words that they say are just priceless right now.

This past week Ava and I were riding in the car and talking about her day. She told me that her teacher was gonna be out and she would have a "stubtatute".

I absolutely did not correct her.

First of all~ it was precious.
Second of all~ she will correct it on her own soon enough.

Shep and I also get a kick out of Zeke's new-found reasoning skills.

He will do something he shouldn't do....like hit Ava.

I will say, "Zeke, do not hit your sister."

And Zeke will respond with, "but I did."

So what do you do with that?!?

Again...too cute.

Here's to no more cribs in the Helton house!!

Making the time or missing it...

2011-08-24T16:53:00.003-04:00

Today was a tough day.

There are more reasons than I want to go into but when I finally got home I felt numb.

Things seemed hard all over the place.

I had left things undone.

There were lots of things left to do.

Words I said seemed to get me nowhere and feelings I felt could not be trusted.

In my soul, the inner place where His voice speaks, I felt drawn.

"Go pray."

Ok~ so I need to vacuum and dust.

"Go into your closet and pray."

I need to call my mom and check on her.

"Go meet with Me in prayer."

I've got to help the girls with their homework, then do laundry, and check my e-mail.

"Go now. Pray."

I don't want to pray. I feel rotten and I don't want to rehash it all.

"My yoke is easy and My burden is light. You are more than a conqueror through Me. Run to Me now. Tell me all of it. Let me take it from you."

So I did.

I went into my closet.

Caroline watched as her mommy knelt face down and made the time to obey the Maker of her Soul. I almost missed it.

He met me there.

It was only a 4 minute detour to my day. The clothes, homework, vacuuming and dusting were delayed just briefly but it was better than any power nap I've taken. I left the burdens on the floor. I stood reminded of His grace, power and love pouring over me. My steps were lighter and a smile even hinted at my lips. Funny, though...nothing had really changed except me....my perspective.

Oh God help me to make the time. So many days I miss it. What you have available to Your children is right there but it has to be taken or it may be missed. Let it not be so!!! I need You Lord!

Got Me Thinking.....

2011-08-21T20:51:00.002-04:00

A quote from "Why Revival Tarries" by Leonard Ravenhill

"Poverty-stricken as the Church is today in many things, she is most stricken here, in the place of prayer. We have many organizers, but few agonizers; many players and payers, few pray-ers; many singers, few clingers; lots of pastors, few wrestlers; many fears, few tears; much fashion, little passion; many interferers, few intercessors; many writers, but few fighters. Failing here, we fail everywhere."

As someone who is desperate to see God bring revival to His Church, I can look at this quote and find myself in the not-so-desired category.

It has got me thinking......and praying.

Anyone else????

My Banana Break

2011-08-19T15:11:00.002-04:00

This morning I arrived at the hospital at 7:30 am to relieve my dad. My mom had surgery yesterday. It went really well but she is expected to be in the hospital for a few days. Dad needed to go home, shower, and tend to a few things... so it was my shift.

I was happy to do it. My mom is one of my best friends.

I want desperately to help in any way possible and sometimes that is done best by just being there.

She slept most of the morning (good sleep) and she roused a few times. I was glad to see her smile when she saw my face.

I relished the quiet time in the Word and in prayer. There was nothing stirring except the occasional snore.:)

One of my best friends came by to sit with me and pass the time (sweet friend, huh?). We enjoyed our time visiting a getting tickled at my mom who randomly said off-the-wall things. (At one point the nurse asked for her name....and she said that it was "Mildred". I thought I would die trying to hold in my laughter....her name is "Nancy". Oh, the power of pain killers!:)

At one point I asked my friend if I could slip out and eat my banana in the waiting room. I didn't want my mom to wake and see or smell my food. That would be torture because she is not allowed any food yet. My friend told me to go so I slipped out.

I ambled around in the waiting room eating my banana and drinking my water. There was no one else in the room except an older gentlemen getting a coke from the machine. As he passed by me, he deliberately stopped and said, "You got somebody sick in here?"

I said, "Yes sir, my mom had surgery."

He said, "I am so sorry. I have been here since the 13th of June with my wife but she is going to rehab today."

I could tell he was really happy about this so I said, "Well, praise the Lord!"

Then I went on and asked, "What was wrong with her."

He tuned up to cry and told me that she had come in with pneumonia and then had lots of other issues due to medication woes.

I asked for her name and told her I would pray for her.

With tears bright in his eyes, he thanked me and told me he would be praying for my mom too.

I was finished with my banana but God wasn't finished speaking to my heart.

I continued ambling around the room and thought about all the ways that God's house is like a hospital. It is a place for healing and rest. It is a place to remove what destroys and kills the body. It is a place where people should be able to stop one another deliberately and tell their personal stories of sadness, perseverance, and triumph. It should be a place where grace is offered so freely because we all have our own stuff to deal with. Tears should be welcomed and encouragement spoken. At hospitals everyone seems to walk around with their heart on their sleeve. At church most folks walk around with a chip on their shoulder. Lord, help us! Lord, heal us!

Thank you Lord for using that sweet man to talk to my heart. I pray for he and his wife and they begin their journey toward going home. Thank you for his kindness and interest in me. Bless them Father in Jesus name.

The other part of me...

2011-08-17T16:44:00.011-04:00

When I married my guy 13 years ago he became just that...the other part of me.

His birthday is today.....so I wanted to show a few pictures that show Shep in ways I see him everyday.

These pictures illustrate some of his awesome attributes...I figured since it was August in Georgia we could use some snow to cool us off.

He is bold and daring.

He is kind and gentle.

He's a thinker and a dare-devil.

He is super silly and loves to make people laugh.

He is strong....in stature and in spirit. Every day I have watched him throw our big girl up onto his shoulder to carry her.

He loves his Lord. I love that he gets teary eyed teaching Sunday school.

He adores his family.
He is crazy about his friends.

He always thinks the best of others.
He is wise.
He is an amazing story-teller.
He writes with ease and eloquence.
He has a hearty laugh.

He draws people (including me) to himself because he is simply a pleasure to know and enjoy.

Happy birthday good-looking man of mine. I pray for God's favor and blessing on your life in the upcoming year!!

How Things Change...

2011-08-14T08:03:00.013-04:00

Zeke used to be content just to look at Pop's cows from a distance...that was then and this is now.
Now he wants to get up close and touch them.

Last summer Ava was still sporting her floaties in the water....now she is jumping in the deep end and taking diving tips from her mom.

Look at her doing her back flips under the water! I love that we can do them together now!!

And Caroline...maybe it is just me...but her face is changing. She looks grown up all of a sudden.

I was encouraged in God's Word this morning that He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

I need to know that. I cling to that.

His same-ness brings me unmeasured security in a world that never stops changing.

God thank you for this season in our lives. Help me to not just live these days but to enjoy them. I love seeing how my kids have grown and matured but at the same time I see that as time that has flown by...too quickly. Thank You for Zeke's recovery from surgery. Thank you for special times together as a family. Thank you for Your continued provision. Help us to grow closer as a family but even closer as Your children.

4 Letter Words

2011-08-10T13:02:00.004-04:00

I can mention the idea of 4 letter words and you have already had some of them come to mind.

These are the words that we are taught NOT to say.
At my house growing up I would have received a punishment of soap on the tongue or a spanking on my rear end if I had uttered them.

I battle with a couple of 4 letter words every moment, every hour, of every single day.

These are a different kind of 4 letter word....but no less powerful or potent.

Standing on their on...no one seems to mind them. No one seems bothered or uncomfortable when they are used. No one gasps or blushes.

But what I am finding is that after 9 years of standing by what God has faithfully told me (and Shep) over and over.....others become increasingly bothered and uncomfortable with my 4 letter words.

These words define me.
They define my faith.
They define my God.

I say them constantly. I pray them even more.

Some days these words are the food I eat and the breath I breathe.

Other than a handful of people who staunchly support what God has told us.....our support comes from the word of God.

His Word stands on its own.

It is full of stories of ordinary people who were asked to HOPE and WAIT.

There they are......my 4 letter words.

I hope.

I wait.

I know it seems unbelievable, far-fetched, impossible, ridiculous, preposterous, and beyond comprehension to believe that my very disabled daughter will be healed....totally.

But, I have to pause.

Because my God is nothing if not unbelievable, far-fetched, impossible, ridiculous, preposterous, and beyond all comprehension.

I mean what was HE thinking when HE came to this Earth and conquered death?

Surely as His follower I wouldn't be asked to believe that HE might still want to raise the dead, open blind eyes, unlock deaf ears, make the lame walk, clear disturbed minds, and restore life to those who have given up hope?

All that is crazy, right?

John 14: 11-12 "Believe me when I say I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the works themselves. Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father."

No-----that is crazy. The Word of God says we who believe can and will be equipped to do what our Lord did and even greater things.

Will you wait? I am on day 3 thousand 3 hundred and 45.

Will you hope? Just like Abraham....Against all hope Abraham in hope believed...

Let's get crazy!!

Mastering life

2011-08-08T12:34:00.002-04:00

It is Monday and the beginning of a new week. We are beginning to fall into our new routine with the girls. They are both loving school, their new teachers, and seeing their friends.

Zeke is still recovering well from his surgery. This week the scabs will finish their healing and begin to come off. Yuck. That will be our next hurdle but so far....so good.

Yesterday morning my devotion was rich in substance. Not that they all aren't good but sometimes the devotion almost makes you catch your breath because you so desperately needed to hear the message. That was me. I wanted to share it....

"Understanding will never bring you Peace. That's why I have instructed you to trust in Me, not in your understanding. Human beings have a voracious appetite for trying to figure things out, in order to gain a sense of mastery over their lives. But the world presents you with an endless series of problems. As soon as you master one set, another pops up to challenge you. The relief you had anticipated is short-lived. Soon your mind is gearing up again: searching for understanding (mastery), instead of seeking Me (your Master).

From "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young

Everyone I know wants to understand their life.....including me. We want to know the whys, whats, and when of each bump in the road. But the understanding of those things will never bring us peace. That is a lie we buy into from our enemy. He gets our focus off of trusting our Master and onto mastering our lives. Then we become the most important thing and we begin down the road to idolatry and pride and who knows where else.

Isaiah 26:3-4 "You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in You. All whose thoughts are fixed on You. Trust in the Lord always for the Lord God is the eternal rock."

Rough Day; Rockin' God

2011-08-04T16:10:00.005-04:00

Our day started in the Helton house around 2:30 am to the sound of crashing thunder and lightening that lit up our entire house.
This storm lasted for quite some time. Caroline woke up and that woke Ava up and then we were up.

Our power went out shortly after that.

I tried to drift back off to sleep but my efforts were fruitless. Ava and Shep were able to doze a little bit but Caroline never really went back to sleep after that point.

Now this was the day that Shep and I had to get up early and be at the surgical center by 7:00 am for Zeke's tonsils and adenoid procedure. As I lay there (mad to not be asleep and mad that the power had not come back on) I began to think about how all of this was not going according to my plan.

Ms. Linda was supposed to come over early and let us leave with Zeke. Then she was going to get the girls dressed and take them to school.

There was still no power at 5 am. So~ we opted for Plan B. Shep stayed here to get the girls dressed and off to school and Linda rode with me to the surgical center.

I was exhausted. Zeke was irritable because he could not have anything to eat or drink. We made it through heavy Atlanta traffic to the hour long ride and when we finally arrived I spilled my coke inside my bag.

Well.........good.

As we made our way upstairs and began the process of checking in I finally felt myself begin to receive the mercies that God had waiting on me.

I began to choose thankfulness and tried to pray for others that I knew of that had hard things going on today.

The next 3 hours went really well. Other than trying to keep Ms. Linda from crying over poor Zeke in recovery, we held it together pretty well.

Once we got home I took some pictures to show how well Zeke was managing. The first pictures are of him playing in his holding room before surgery. The last two are shortly after coming home.

He is doing great! He is eating and drinking.....and crying and whining but that is to be expected!

Now....that is the ROUGH part of my day (oh yea, and I ripped a huge chunk out of my big toenail.)

But now for the ROCKIN GOD part.

Today we learned of a dear brother in Christ who was declared cancer-free!
Today we learned that we had already met our deductible and didn't have to come out of pocket thousands of dollars for Zeke's surgery.
Today we received awesome news on an issue that we have been praying about for over a year! It was an "against all odds" situation and God hugely blessed!!!!

Today (with its power outage; ripped toe-nail, sleep loss, spilled coke, and surgery) was a day that God had given us and we had to live it out. He knew that I would end this day with rejoicing even though I began the day with agitation. He is patient with us. He is so good.

My toe-nail hurts, my bag is sticky from coke, my eyes and body ache from lack of sleep, Caroline is ill from being up most of the night, and Zeke is kind of pitiful but I want to thank God for giving me this day. The ups and downs reveal who we really are....and He still surprises us just for the fun of it!

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

Happy Birthday To Me!

2011-07-31T20:52:00.006-04:00

I got home from St. Vincent just 2 days shy of my 34th birthday.

I mentioned in my last post that I came home and picked up the heavy load that I had left behind...and then some.

As soon as I walked into the house from my trip I found out three things: the remote control was lost, Ava had cut her hair, and Zeke was sick with a high fever.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

See what I mean?

That doesn't even include the tiny detail that my sweet mama (who had been helping keep my kids) had to be hospitalized for diverticulitis while I was gone. Thankfully, she is doing better but she is facing surgery soon.:(

Last of all, Shep sold his motorcycle on the day I came home. It was a good thing but it made me kind of sad all the same. We (like so many others) are in some financial squeezes so every little thing helps. He and I had so many good times riding together. The Lord and I had some great times riding together. However, I trust Shep and his discernment so I believe God will honor our obedience and hopefully there will be riding days again.

So you can see that life around here has been tumultuous at best.

On my actual birthday I woke up to an even sicker little boy and had to take him to the doctor. After another positive strep test and a visit to the ENT, we have decided to get his tonsils and adenoids out...this week.

I know I am rambling a bit but I just wanted to be very transparent about life....my life. Things are NOT at all the way I want. I have told you of a few minor things that have affected us but there are other things too. We have family members and friends who are hurting deeply and suffering consequences of past and present mistakes. We hurt with them. It hurts to watch them.

I look at my life right now and I didn't expect to have such a full plate of uncertainty at 34 years old. Somewhere I bought into the lie that all would be figured out and most everything would be rosy.

Not so.

I feel really burdened these days but at the same time really, really blessed.

God has given me some cool gifts this past year~

Joy~ even when I may have tears...
Peace~ even when I can't make the numbers work
Love~ even when I don't like
Patience~ even when the days are long
Goodness~ even when I want to react badly

Anyone who knows me can attest that I am not perfect. I can be rude, self-seeking, prideful, arrogant, vain, wimpy, critical, and mean. But...I am happy to say that the more time I spend in God's Word and on my face in prayer.....I see less and less of that girl. He gives me His traits. I become like him. He loves us so much. He gives us the gifts that can never spoil or rot. They are for building up and honoring Him.

Happy Birthday To Me!

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 "We are hard pressed on every side but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed,
16-18 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far out weighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

What Matters?

2011-07-28T17:58:00.002-04:00

We had weeks and weeks of preparations before we left to go to St. Vincent. We planned, prayed, positioned, prepared, plotted, and perfected all we knew beforehand so that our trip would be a success and God would be honored.

Then we went.

Now we're back.

I seriously feel like I needed some type of serious pre-planning so that I could re-emerge into what used to be my "normal" life.

This is my home.

I am a wife.
I am a mother.
I am a daughter, friend, mentor, teacher, etc...but I have struggled to just step back into those shoes again.

When I left to go I stepped away from the cares of my life...my burdens, my concerns, and my fears.

Then I went to minister without restraint. I wasn't focused on anything except loving people in the name of Jesus Christ. It was fulfilling, humbling, and exhilarating all at the same time.

When I came home I was so eager to see Shep and hug my children. But I must admit that the moment I walked into my door I immediately picked up every burden, every concern and every fear again. I felt a sudden heaviness. I hated it.

I really didn't know how to handle it. So this week I felt as though I have been living in slow motion. I am trying to re-adjust but I am not the Andrea I was before. My perspective has changed.

I sat in church last Sunday and really just enjoyed being in God's house with fellow believers and air conditioning. In the past I might have been critical of the music, the message, or any thing else that didn't suit me. But Sunday I was simply grateful.

I was grateful to have gained new eyes to see what matters most.

It is Jesus and Him alone.
He is our Truth. He is our Hope. He is our Anchor.

Lord please help me live what I learned while I was away. Sharing Jesus with others and ministering in Your name is the only legacy I will ever leave behind. I must start with this in my home. As a wife and mother I can share Your love and minister to my family. But it can't end there.....as I encounter people I can't be timid in talking about You. Fuel my faith and cage my cowardice. Give me opportunities to talk about You and be about Your work. It is so easy to get caught up in pettiness and man's good works but none of that matters. The enemy would love for me to place any other thing in front of You. Help me to recognize this and to not allow it. Teach me to pray and to listen. I desire Your wisdom and Your will for my life.

Smitten with St. Vincent

2011-07-25T12:43:00.008-04:00

My heart has been hijacked and held hostage by the wonderful people in St. Vincent.

I am slowly coming down off of my "mission trip high".

These faces you see in the photos will forever be etched into my mind...and I hope to hug their necks again very soon. Yes, I want to go back.

The stories I have to tell range in nature. Some are frightening, others will make you wet your pants with laughter but all of them are hemmed with purpose.

I will never be the same again.

I know God used me to touch others in His name on that island but I could have never been prepared for the makeover my mind would undergo in that wonderful place.

Many children gave their hearts and lives to Jesus Christ!

That alone was worth the trip! I praise God for their futures and the joys He has in store for them.

I hope to try to tell as many stories as I can in days to come.

I will end with thanksgiving that my family was cared for in my absence and that God blessed my obedience to go. He conquered my fears. He stretched my limits. He poured on His peace. He gave us provision. He showed up in unexpected ways.

(And I have never sweat so much in all my life.......but with a smile on my face!)

Strong Hands

2011-07-14T22:35:00.007-04:00

Dad's hands threw me high in the air as a little
girl. His hands caught me tight on the way down.

His hands protected me, shielded me, and showed me discipline. He shaped my security in Christ in so many ways...just by being my godly daddy.

Mom's hands wiped my tears away when I was little. Her hands held me tight and hugged me close. Her hands rubbed lotion on me and painted my finger nails. Her hands walked me through Scripture when I began asking question at a young age. Her hands hemmed me in when I was tempted to walk in the wrong paths. Her hands pointed the way to Jesus!

Shep's hands I know by heart. I couldn't wait for the first time that he reached over to hold my own. I still remember holding his hands at the altar when we said our vows....I've been holding them ever since. His hands represent what He is to me. He is steady and strong. He covers me, guides me, encourages me, and loves me.

Thursday night I knelt on the floor at my parent's house as mom, dad, and Shep laid their hands on me and prayed for my upcoming mission trip. It was an event I will always cherish. Their prayers were so intimate and personal. They commissioned me and blessed me in Jesus' name to go into another nation and spread the gospel message of Jesus Christ!

There were no tears of sadness but tears of joy and anticipation. I got to witness three people who love me so much entrust me completely into the hands of the One who holds my future. It was trust in action.

2 Timothy 1:6 "For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands."

I hear you, LORD

2011-07-13T12:20:00.006-04:00

We really enjoy watching Animal Planet. It is a welcome change for Shep and I who grow weary of Noggin and Disney Channel. My kids love to watch the Untamed and Uncut show. I don't know what this says about them....but they like to watch animals in real live situations. It can be unsettling to see such raw behavior but then again God made lions, tigers, snakes and the like to be just what they are.

Last night we were watching this show and they were highlighting the behavior of big cats. I think it was even titled, "Cat-astrophes"--appropriate I promise.

One particular scene gripped me not because of the graphic footage but because of what God said to me through watching it.

A visitor on safari was filming an attack of 8 lions on 1 cape buffalo. It was a sad and pitiful sight. This cape buffalo was not with a herd and he was easy prey for the 8 young lions. They came at him one by one and took him down. The cape buffalo laid helpless for a long time while these lions ate his flesh and overtook him.

It looked as if all hope was lost. Chalk this up to a win for the lions. Almost 20 minutes had past since the attack had begun.

The cape buffalo then surprised everyone. Lying there being devoured by lions he made a distress call. He groaned out several times.

A herd of cape buffalo herd this call from a long way off and came running.

It was amazing!!

This herd charged and ran until they reached the lions devouring their own. They charged ahead anyway and ran off all 8 of the lions.

We were cheering and clapping but the goodness didn't stop there.

The herd then surrounded the fallen and badly hurt cape buffalo and began to lick its wounds. They did this for a long time and then stepped away.

After a few moments this big ol' beast got to his own feet and walked away with the herd.

It was truly an awesome sight.

What was even better was watching the perplexed lions come back to the same spot where the buffalo had been.....only to find their dinner had gotten up and walked away!

Shep and I just sat there and both realized the parallels of how the body of Christ should treat those who are lost and those who have fallen.

-Parallel 1- The buffalo had left the herd. (How many do I know who have lost their way?)

-Parallel 2- The lions surrounded the lone buffalo and took it down. (How many do I know who are held in the grasp of strongholds of sin?)

-Parallel 3- The buffalo made a distress call for help. (I know so many who are hurting but they must ask and receive help or they will be devoured.)

-Parallel 4- The herd listened and responded. (Do I look for those who are asking for my help?)

-Parallel 5- The herd then fights off the lions. (Would I be willing to fight for another who can't?)

-Parallel 6- The herd surrounded the hurt buffalo and licked its wounds. (Would I help with the healing process to those who are willing to receive it?)

-Parallel 7- The herd then waited for the buffalo to stand on its own. (Would I stand close and support without enabling or standing in judgement?)

I hear you, LORD! Good word!

Already missing them

2011-07-11T09:52:00.002-04:00

How does the week seem to drag and then you blink and the weekend is over?!?

We had a pretty nice weekend. I am trying to soak up time with my precious family before I leave for my mission trip. I am such a nerd and a nostalgic one at that. This morning I was putting one of Shep's t-shirts in the laundry and I found myself hugging it to my face and catching the remaining whiffs of leftover cologne.

See?

I am ridiculous. I am already missing him before I am even gone.

I am already thinking about things that I can shove in my suitcase that smell like my children. Pictures serve a good purpose but there is just something about a scent that can take your heart away.

I remember when my grandparents passed away. I had not gotten to be there to tell them goodbye. So~ what I wanted was to be close to them any way possible. I remember climbing into their bed and just breathing into their pillow cases. My papaw always smelled like hair gel, tobacco, and soap. For a moment...it felt like I was lying on his chest.

So getting back to the weekend...

-Ava practiced diving into the deep end of a friend's pool
-Caroline practiced being baptized (we are working on her fear of going under...she did great!)
-We watched "Despicable Me" and Zeke never left my lap (cute movie)
-We learned that we have a family of Red Foxes that live in our back woods

Church was awesome on Sunday! The message series is all about being Free in Christ. This week the focus was freedom from fear. I felt like that was pretty appropriate for me considering I am trying to prepare myself for this mission trip and I feel completely ill-equipped and totally inadequate to do a good job!

Our church prayed over our group and commissioned us to go in the name of Jesus! It was humbling and surreal! I don't consider myself a missionary in any way but it made this all seem real. We have been preparing for weeks but having folks lay hands on us and commission us sealed the deal.

Making fun of myself...

2011-07-06T20:18:00.003-04:00

I tried a different version of the Bible but it pretty much read the same way...

The New Living Translation of James 1:1-4 says,
"Dear brothers and sisters,^[a] when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. ³ For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. ⁴ So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing."

Okay so I am trying....

Trying to see my HUGE opportunities for great joy as I wade through the troubles that have come my way.

They really aren't a big deal.
Troubles probably isn't really the right word. They just feel that way because they are a pain in my rear and maybe I equate pain with trouble.
It is actually just lots and lots of things that have required immediate attention while we have been short on time and funds.

We have had the opportunity to take Zeke to the doctor (count them) 5 times in the past 3 weeks.
(Yes, that is $25.00 a pop. Just saying....)
We have had the opportunity to take Ava to the doctor (yep, 25.00 again)
(Did I mention there were prescriptions that went along with these??? I won't give you those costs.)
We have had the opportunity to get all the necessary paperwork from doctors, school, and therapists in order to complete Caroline's Medicaid application.
(Can I tell you how nice and helpful people are when you call asking for paperwork? NOT VERY!)
I have had the opportunity to attend lots of meetings for my upcoming mission trip.
I have had the opportunity to be a mommy, wife,friend, and work all while trying NOT to strain my voice.
(Remember I have been hoarse since the first of May and the therapist says I should never raise my voice and on a scale of 1 to 10....speak at about a 3. Uh....huh. How do you think I am doing on that one?)
Today I had the opportunity to go to the travel doctor and get the necessary vaccines for my trip.
Ouch! My shoulders are killing me. Tetanus and Hepatitis A don't play!

I certainly hope you can see my tongue and cheek humor here.

Sometimes you just need to let it out and laugh at the sheer absurdity of it all.

God is good.

Even with the junk and necessities of life....He makes my world go around.

I will admit to you that I do believe this is a joy that only He can give.

Sitting here at my computer and making fun of myself feels pretty good.

Thank you Lord for a little perspective.

Maybe this is the part of the patience being birthed in me due to all my little inconveniences.

I want to end this post on something upbeat and I just can't help listing a few of my favorite things this summer.

-JIF natural crunchy peanut butter (there are no words)
-Starbucks Chai Tea Latte (non-fat with whip cream....my taste buds start doing the mamba with the first sip)
-Salsa (I just can't stop wanting it...I am not even brand specific I just want it)

When I enjoy these 3 things....I have a better day. No lie!

-

Stopping half-way

2011-07-03T22:47:00.003-04:00

I sit here on this eve of July 4th and I ponder freedom.

I am sure that I don't appreciate it appropriately because I have never known anything else. I have always lived in a country where I am free to speak, act, and believe what I want.

So then I reflect on spiritual freedom.
After all, freedom was God's idea in the first place.

I relished in a worship service today that focused on God's redemptive work to set us free.
He died so I could live.
He conquered death so I could live victoriously through His power.

Most of us enjoy our liberties of freedom.

We do what we want....when we want....with whom we want.
We buy want we want simply because we want it.
We spend our time and money freely because we can.
We are driven by desires.
If it makes us feel good~then it must be good?!? Right?

Are we free to do this....yes.

But I am pretty certain that this really isn't freedom.

Freedom is having the opportunity to do something and choosing NOT to because you know you shouldn't.

Now that is a form of freedom that isn't talked about very much!

Look at Galatians 5:1. "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

I think most of us stop half-way through that verse.

We celebrate the freedom that Christ has given us. But we don't adhere to His warning in the second half of the verse.

STAND FIRM AND DON'T BECOME A SLAVE AGAIN!!

He knows this will always be a battle for us. He knows we will "worship" things other than Him.

Think about it...before you scoff.

How many people do you know that revolve their lives around
-money
-their kids
-jobs
-possessions
-status
and these are just the ones that the world says are okay to idolize.

God says that we are NOT living in freedom if these things or anything else come before Him.

As I think about His great love for me and the price He paid, I want to stand firm and NOT be bound again to the things that compete with my love for Him.

Lord thank you for dying for my freedom. I will admit that I need to be freed mostly from myself. My thoughts, my feelings, and my wants need to change into Yours. Help me to do that. Please forgive me for taking on burdens and idols that compete with You. My focus should be You and You alone. You turn my darkness into light and my burdens ease in Your Presence. Your peace should radiate from me. These days I feel like I walk around in a frenzy of worry...I am so sorry. That is not doing Your name justice at all. Your freedom is the best kind. Your freedom enables me to forgive others and love my enemies. Your freedom offers grace and mercy instead of spite, bitterness, and resentment. I have tasted Your freedom and I know it is good. I love you Lord. Thank you for reminding me not to stop half-way but to stand firm and be on guard because my enemy seeks to distract me with anything other than You. I walk others to see Your freedom in me. Let me be a walking billboard ....a trophy of grace, compassion, love, kindness, strength, and FREEDOM!

A few faces I miss....

2011-06-29T07:41:00.012-04:00

I am truly a dork I know. But dang I miss these people.

It is truly remarkable for six adults and seven children to willingly spend a week together and come out on the other side STILL loving each other.

I made them sit still and pose for my camera timer to take this one....I told you...I am a complete dork. But aren't we glad we have this photo?!?

But we did it.

There were some tense moments. Our nerves got really raw...mainly over our precious children.

But man we made some great memories and had some fabulous laughs.

Most of these laughing spells came at the end of the day once the kids were down....and we were almost at delirium. We would gather in the quiet and discuss the day.

One of our most interesting talks (that still makes me laugh right now) dealt with figuring out the gender of the sharks that they caught.

That is all I will say about that...but this girl laughed my way through shark (sex) education.

Anyway, I am digressing.

God was truly gracious in our getaway!

The weather was unbelievable.!

We saw so much of His nature come alive through creation. We were able to openly talk to our children about His vastness, His detail, and His glory through creation. Who knew that hermit crabs, the changing of the tides, sharks and life at the beach would invite so many opportunities to speak of the One who makes it all happen.

I am so blessed to know and love these folks. They have stayed close and pressed in when so many others walked away. God shows me so many of His qualities through their constant love and friendship.

God knows that life will hurt and disappoint. He surrounded Himself with close friends for encouragement and support. I am so glad He does the same for us!

Crazy about Carrabelle

2011-06-25T20:56:00.010-04:00

I fell in love with a new place. I never knew it existed. It has no real appeal for most folks who can't live without a Target, Starbucks, or Chick-fil-A.
But it now holds a sweet spot in my heart. I can close my eyes right now and picture moments frozen in time that happened in Carrabelle.

Last summer we were knee deep in a campaign. So~our family did not get a vacation together. This year....we made up for it. We got away with two other families and soaked up time that we will never forget.

I took tons of pictures that I will post over the next few days. This vacation was such a gift from a gracious God. He knows we need times of a slower pace. He made us for work, worship, rest and play. We enjoyed His Presence and His creation this week in ways we probably don't notice so much at home. His fingerprints are everywhere if we will but stop and take notice. My mind was free from busyness and duty. My arms were full most of the time with the people I love most in the world. It never got old. It was my delight to just be a wife, mother, and friend.

A Nose Knows....

2011-06-17T21:36:00.006-04:00

After our hectic (but awesome) week of Vacation Bible School we needed a slower pace this week.

By slower pace...I just mean we weren't out the door early and rushing around. We were still pretty busy but it was just different. We were able to go at our own pace which made a huge difference.

I went to the Ear, Nose, and Throat Specialist this week. My voice has been hoarse for 6 weeks. I feel fine but can't quite seem to get my voice back. Talking is straining to me and singing.....oh how I miss singing....it is next to impossible. My doctor referred me to the ENT specialist to try to diagnose the problem. After a stimulating nose probe (yes, I said that right) the doctor said that I have singer's nodules. These nodules have formed on my vocal chords due to incorrect singing and speaking styles. The remedy for such behavior-----speech therapy.

So sign me up for some therapy! I am desperate to have my voice back so I will do whatever it takes. The doctor seems confident that some rest and speech therapy should fix the problem. However, I am going to have to re-learn how to speak and sing.

Dang it! I am not great at changing deep rooted behavior. But, the sounds emitting from my mouth as I try to sing cannot be tolerated much longer. I sound like a hyena trying to hit high notes.

(Details on the nose probe....they hold your nostrils open and spray a foul substance into your nose. As you swallow and inhale this unbelievably nasty stuff, it will numb your throat. This quick acting substance numbs your throat and the back part of your tongue. Each time you swallow you feel as though your tongue is the size of a giant grapefruit and you want to choke. As if this alone doesn't make you ill at ease....the doctor then comes at you with a long cable with a light and camera on the end. She inserts it into your nostril and down your throat all the while telling you not to swallow and to be still. Ready to sign up for this awesome experience?!?)

Needless to say I haven't been singing at church lately and probably won't be for a little while longer. I hate it. It makes my heart hurt. Singing is just what I do. It is such a natural expression for me. However, I trust that God is using this time to force me to rest and to learn a new and better way. So, I am gonna try to put my big girl panties on and deal with it.

Lord I praise You even when something I love has been temporarily taken away. You gave me that gift and I believe You will restore it as well. Please give me extra portion of patience with You and myself. Give me a teachable heart. Use this circumstance to make me more like You. Continue to draw me to You through Your Word and prayer. I desire to live out my faith not just talk about it. Forgive me for my anger and doubt as I have wrestled with what You are doing. Give me trust....more and more trust. Thank you for hardships and trials. I don't enjoy dealing with them but I know it is how You work. I want more of You Lord and less of me.

Our little sisters in Christ (and a dream)

2011-06-15T12:25:00.004-04:00

Last week was Vacation Bible School at our church.

I always help lead the music and this year was no exception. Our theme was Big Apple Adventure from Lifeway. The material was terrific and the music was so so good.

Jeff Slaughter writes the songs and he does such a great job of immersing the songs with actual scripture. So it makes it much easier to memorize that way.

My kids loved it but my girls are at the age that they are not only loving the fun of it but they are listening and absorbing the message as well.

This brings us to Jesus and salvation....

Ava has told us several times over the past 6-8 months that she has asked Jesus into her heart.

At the time, she was only five years old. But, I do NOT doubt the faith of my girl. We talk about Jesus often. We sing about Him. We read stories from His precious Word. We pray a lot. We talk about faith a lot. We are very active members of our church.

She is inundated with info about Him. But we want her to really understand that she was born a sinner and needs a Savior. We want her to realize that Jesus died to save her from her sins and she must admit her sin, believe in Jesus, and ask Him to be her Lord and live in her heart.

These conversations have been pretty frequent for a while. Ava is incredibly sensitive and mature for her age. She says that she has asked Jesus into her heart. So~we take her at her word. But, we have not moved forward with baptism.

That changed last week.

She wanted to talk about being baptized and what that means. As Shep discussed this with her, we noticed that Caroline became keenly interested in their conversation.

The more Shep and Ava talked about salvation the more Caroline tried to break into the conversation. She did this by kicking her legs, waving her arms, and making loud noises that she meant to be heard.

Knowing that she wanted to be included, Shep began to ask her the same questions.

"Caroline, do you want to talk about asking Jesus into your heart?"
"Do you know that you are a sinner?"
"Do you know that Jesus died to save you from your sins?"

She used her hand to sign "yes" to these questions.

Her excitement kept building as if she wanted to speak so badly....she began laughing and kicking.

Finally Shep said, "Caroline, are you trying to tell us that you have prayed and asked Jesus into your heart?"

She went crazy signing yes yes yes with her weak little left hand.

So there it was.

Both of our daughters were now our little sisters in Christ. Pretty cool. It was a surreal moment in our kitchen. Angels were rejoicing in glory. I was just in awe!

Can we just stop here and yell some hallelujahs??!!??

Ava thinks she is ready for baptism....Caroline isn't so sure she is ready to go under water just yet. Well see what the future holds. What I know for now is that my two little girls wanted to be sure of their salvation. They want to talk about it. They want to express their sureness of it. I pray this is a quality they always keep. I pray that they always desire to share their good news.

(A sweet friend at church heard about Caroline accepting Christ as her Lord. That night she dreamed about Caroline. She said that they were lying together on a gym mat. They were facing each other with their heads propped up on their hands. She said that Caroline was laughing and talking and telling her all about asking Jesus into her heart. A simple coincidence~I don't think so......)

3,285 to be exact....

2011-06-11T21:29:00.013-04:00

There is a relatively new song out called "Blessings". If you haven't heard it...I strongly recommend it. The singer is Laura Story.

I feel like the writer of this song has experienced pain, suffering, and longing to be able to express such perfectly fitted lyrics.

My favorite part of the song starts the chorus and says, "What if Your blessings come through raindrops? What if Your healing comes through tears? And what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know Your near. What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?"

Oh, I just belt it out...I sing it like I mean it..like I live it!

Tonight will mark the 3, 285th night that I have gone to sleep with a heaviness and longing that I didn't have before June 11, 2002.

But with that heaviness and longing comes a knowing. I KNOW HE IS NEAR.

Nine years ago today, the enemy sought to take my life and the life of my little girl.

Nine years ago today we were both in intensive care~

The pregnancy had been pretty normal. My water broke around 6:00 am. My contractions came strong and steady. We would have a baby girl soon. I was prepared to implement Baby wise and get her on a schedule as quickly as possible. The name was set. Her room was perfect. Grandparents were waiting to kiss fresh pink little checks and check fingers and toes.

But God Almighty allowed our lives to collide with an unspeakable tragedy. The delivery went very wrong. Shep slept on the floor of the waiting room that night wondering if he would leave as a widower and childless.

That day marked "a before and after" for us. We would never be the same. We could never be the same.

Today we celebrated Caroline's birthday....our mercy day. It was the day that God saw fit to extend mercy to us in the disguise of a little baby girl with severe needs. My greatest desire is to bring glory to God with my life. She is the tool He chose. Mercy, compassion, patience, faith, perseverance, courage, grace, kindness, self-control and love has grown and flourished from the depths of our pain. She is such a gift. She vaporizes every defense with a simple look. She captures you before you even know it....just ask those who are hooked.

Happy Birthday Sweet Caroline! We love you so very much!

Greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done......

Refreshing Rain

2011-06-06T21:29:00.010-04:00

I can almost hear the trees, grass, bushes, and shrubs sigh in relief.

God gave us the sweetest rain shower this evening.

It was a surprise rain.
It fell gently and steady.

Shep was busy cutting the grass with a trail of dust behind him when it began.

We couldn't stand it...we had to get out in it and play, twirl, run, dance, and smile for the brief respite from the blazing heat.

We have had record highs in the mid 90's for several straight weeks. There has been no relief at all. No rain in the forecast.

Then, out of nowhere, it blew in and changed our day.

Isn't that just like God?

I believe He loves to surprise us in all kinds of ways.

For us~ it was the simple delight of a summer (much needed) shower.

Creator God~we thank You for the rain. It was short and sweet but somehow...just enough. We love that You surprise us! Keep us grateful for simple pleasures. I have heard it said and written that You even smell like the scent of rain. Why would I be surprised at all that even Your fragrance brings with it refreshing and renewal. This evening the colors took on a different hue; they were brighter and deeper at the same time. It was as if they wanted to be more brilliant for the One who gives them life.

Deuteronomy 32:2
Let my teaching fall like rain and my words descend like dew, like showers on new grass, like abundant rain on tender plants.

Standing Guard

2011-06-04T20:49:00.002-04:00

It is hard to believe that two weeks of summer vacation are already gone.

We have had 4 visits from the tooth fairy, enjoyed swimming in pools and at a lake, watched a magic show, played with friends, worked on fun crafts, AND critiqued some new movies.

God has been graciously present in our home. I am so grateful that He tenderly cares for me and my fears that gripped me. He knows how I try to juggle and manage my life. He also knows that without His help I will fail miserably. He has made sure that I know each and every blessing I have comes directly from His hand. A lot of these blessings are people.....you know who you are! My heart overflows with thankfulness for you.

This year has been a marked change for me because I have been intentional about memorizing scripture. My friend, Tess (who lets me mentor her) suggested that we do the Beth Moore challenge of learning a new verse every two weeks. So far...so good.

Even though I am getting a fresh dose of God's Word burned into my heart and mind does not make me immune the enemy's schemes. I think he comes at us a little bit harder.

I have mentioned before that God has us in a place of living and waiting.

Life doesn't stop. Work doesn't stop. Church doesn't stop. Life is going right along....but we are in a pattern of waiting.

It is hard and I still hate it.

I am beyond ready for the waiting to be over and done.

We are waiting on several things. This requires and builds perseverance, patience, faith, and trust. These things are vital to living out our faith. But who seriously signs up to learn this traits?

The only way to learn.....wait it out.

Anyway, my daily devotions the past few days have centered around peace and trust. The author wrote some simple but powerful words that I wanted to share...

"Fears and worries will encircle you, seeking entrance, so you must stay alert. Let trust and thankfulness stand guard, turning back fear before it can gain a foothold."

This was such a great word for me personally. Sometimes I forget to stay alert. Other times I am tired of staying alert. Whatever the reason, I give my fears and worries a place to enter my mind and sabotage my trust.

This small passive act gives the enemy a huge advantage in my day.

Oh God help me be intentionally guarded with trust and thankfulness. I want to stand, fully armored and ready, for the day you place ahead of me. Let my mouth constantly speak of Your blessings in my life. I am deserving of none, but truly grateful for all. Lord, help me be courageous in the midst of my circumstances. The weak side of me wants to shrink back, fall away and give up. I want to live each day empowered by Your Holy Spirit. Help me to do this. Please forgive me for not trusting You enough. Forgive my selfishness and pride. Increase my faith and help me not to waver during this season of waiting. Your purpose will prevail. I love you Lord.

I would have been his stalker...

2011-05-30T21:36:00.006-04:00

We have been happily hitched for 13 years today!

But, if he had not asked me to marry him....then yes, I would have been his stalker.

I am seriously crazy about this man.

I can't help but get totally sappy about him. And this is MY blog so if sappy offends you then stop reading now.

Thankfully he met me at the altar 13 years ago and we sealed the deal.

We slipped off yesterday for a night and went to Chattanooga. We took the motorcycle, slept in, saw a movie, ate delicious food, and enjoyed carrying on a conversation without the many many interruptions that our 3 adorable kids often provide.

He still gives me the shivers.

When we were first dating and I knew I was going to go meet him...I would pull up to his drive and my arms would have chill bumps. I would smile like a goofball and butterflies were always floating in my tummy.

Yes, he seriously did that to me.

Thirteen years have changed some things. But not the way I feel about him.

My love and respect for him has only grown and intensified as I have watched him handle and deal with the life God has given us.

I love him immeasurably.
I trust him explicitly.

At his side is my favorite place.

I love that he sings all the time.
I love that he wears overalls to cut our grass.
I love that he is an amazing story-teller.
I love his loyalty to family and friends.
I love that he is a hard worker.
I love that he cries when he talks about Jesus.
I love that my kids light up when they see him.
I love his charm.
I love his wit.
I love his nature.
I love his smell.
I love his voice.

You don't have time for everything else.

Thank you Lord for the man of my dreams. He still is. I ask for Your favor and blessing on this next year of our marriage. We want so desperately to honor You. We want our marriage to please you and encourage others. We want to raise our children as a team and teach them how to love You with all of their hearts. Show us how to do that. Convict us of sin that we aren't award of or ignore. Mature our faith and give us grace and courage to obey You. Thank you for the joy of these past 13 years. Strengthen us and bind us together even more. Amen.

Super Sweet Special Girl

2011-05-25T08:31:00.008-04:00

I had to share a few pictures highlighting my oldest kiddo.

It has been a very busy past couple of weeks.

It seems like Easter, Mother's Day and the end of school all combined together.

Caroline has had a tough year but she has emerged like she always does~smiling and ready for the next thing!

Back in October her chair rolled down a few steps and she busted her head, in January she was in the hospital for a week with the flu, and then in March she fell in her chair again and had to have stitches right smack in the center of her forehead.

My big girl takes it all in stride.

She can't say a word but she always speaks volumes with her smile.

She had a wonderful year in school. I cannot brag enough on the sweet therapists, teachers, helpers, and friends who work tirelessly to benefit our girl.

Ms. Tara is her parapro and never leaves her side. She is with her day in and day out. She gives her grace when she needs it but she also pushes her hard because she knows how capable
Caroline really is. We are so blessed with our school!

She participated in Special Olympics and won three medals.
She won an accelerated reader award for reading comprehension. She is sooooo smart!

We are so proud of her!

We have recently been referred to a new specialist for Caroline. It is actually a group that saw her when she was 18 months old. This specialist deals with mitochondrial disorders. No one has diagnosed Caroline with a disorder but they are trying her on some medicine that will add folate to her body. It may help or it may not....time will tell.

Ultimately, we go back to what God has told us about our girl.

Regardless of what any doctor says...God will do as He pleases. We still strongly believe that He is going to heal her any day.

Lots of people disagree with me. That is ok. They haven't lived what I live and they aren't privy to God's direction in our lives. For almost 9 years He has spoken with one clear message over Caroline's life....KEEP BELIEVING ME TO HEAL HER!

I have no other choice.

Does God heal everyone? No
Does God heal some? Yes

I don't know His purposes and I have many questions myself.

For now we live each day and expect great things.

She has taught me to love more, hope more, and believe more.

God my heart is so full and I feel like I have so much to say about my Caroline. But honestly I can't adequately express it all. Every hope, fear, doubt, and concern I have seems huge to me. I know you are in control of this angel's life. You have a mighty plan for her. You are near to her. Help us to parent her as her needs require. Give us wisdom, understanding and insight to know into the heart of a child that cannot speak to us. We celebrate her life and all of the people that she has touched with her sweet hands, warm smiles, and haunting eyes. She is such a gift and I would not love You, seek You, and want You if it were not for her influence in my life. You knew what it would take~thank you! Protect her and bless her Lord. Do what only You can! Amen.

Zeke's PHREE (3)

2011-05-21T22:24:00.009-04:00

There he is then...

and here he is now.

This is what handsome looks like at 3 years old.

I am so glad that God blessed our family with this boy 3 years ago.

He has brought a different kind of joy and fun than we experienced with our girls. It isn't better in any way....just different and ALL BOY!

In this hot weather I am loving how his whole head gets sweaty and his checks are flaming red.

He wants anything Ava has and wants to do anything she does. He even calls her "his friend, Ava."

I will ask him a question and he will answer with~"No, I not."

He loves bread. Any kind of bread will do. He doesn't discriminate when it comes to carbs.

He loves cars.
Balls.
Bats.
Trains.
Dinosaurs.
Pirates.
Ships.

All of the things that little rotten boys are suppose to love.

He adores his daddy. He wants to be with him wherever he goes. It is party-time when dad comes through that door after work.

But nothing quite fixes him like me....and that suits me just fine.

I pray for him to be a man of strong character. I pray he is tender but firm...a quiet strength. I pray for him to have godly friend and a future wife that will love him second to Christ. I pray that he will be a fighter for what is right and give compassion to those who desperately need it. I pray that he will make wise choices and not give in to the whims of everyone around him. God give him Your dreams and help him to follow them. Guide us as we teach, discipline and direct his daily steps. He is truly a blessing and we thank you for every day of these last 3 years. I ask You for favor and blessing on his life. Help him to walk in truth.

My ugly side

2011-05-18T22:04:00.003-04:00

This is the exact quote I sent my husband this evening after I left to go to choir practice. ~ "Sorry you had to come home to that crazy woman who looks a lot like me."

This is why I need Jesus in my life.

Seriously.

I have lost my voice again.
I am incredibly tired...probably anemic.
Summer is just days away and I always feel much trepidation about being trapped at home.
Lingering circumstances beyond our control are causing serious stress.
And....
my children were mostly responsible for me about losing my mind today.

Nothing huge happened. Just lots and lots of little annoying things that (coupled with the things mentioned above) just pushed me over the edge.

Again, this is why Jesus must take over my life.

I am a terrible master.

I lose my temper.
I lose my cool.
I yell.
I pitch fits.

Don't worry. Jesus did reign me in BUT not before I had to ask my children to forgive me...TWICE.

Completely humbling.

Explaining your bad behavior to your own children. But it shows them that mommy is NOT perfect and THAT is something they need to learn young.

I came home from choir a new, refreshed, Jesus-filled mommy. Ava and I reviewed the day. We both decided we had things to work on.

I will leave you with something funny she said to me.

"Mommy, I think you need to work on not yelling all the way up to your lungs."

Oh, Lord help me. (Shep laughed out loud)

Galatians 5:22 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

And again....this is why I need Jesus.

The peacemaker

2011-05-17T14:52:00.007-04:00

She is the one in the beach hat! My sweet "middle" child stands with one arm securely placed around her little brother's neck and the other hand holding on to her older sister's chair.

She doesn't know any other way.

She has had to step up and take the role of big sister even though she isn't the oldest.

She takes it on the chin when her little brother gets loads of attention for being the baby of the family.

Yet today she was given one of the coolest awards a mom could watch her child receive.

Her teacher gave her the "peacemaker" award.

I love that she cares deeply about others but I pray against the thought that she will always be able to please everyone. Sometimes we mistake being peaceful people by being pleasing people.

Although I want her to walk in peace, offer peace, and live peaceably with the others....I solely desire for her to live a pleasing life to her Heavenly Father. Only then will others see a girl truly at peace with herself and able to offer it to others.

Thank you Father for my Ava. I am so scared that I will not do the job You have given me to do: raise my children to love and honor You. Her heart is so tender and her faith is so huge. Continue to build her character and make her into the young woman who will love You with all of her heart. I know pain will be involved. There will be petty arguments, hurt feelings, and misunderstandings. Help me be the mother that Ava needs. Give us both grace and patience to deal with each other. I am her biggest fan and I want her to grow up knowing that! Guard her heart, Lord! She is Your child.

James 3:18 "And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness."

MISSION: MADE POSSIBLE

2011-05-13T13:01:00.004-04:00

God has been arranging some summer plans for me these past couple of weeks and I finally want to share it....mainly to solicit your prayer support.

Our church has been focusing on several mission trips for this year.

One group has gone to the Ukraine.
One group is going to Brazil.
One group is going to St. Vincent.....and I will be part of that group!

Yikes!! Makes me smile and want to puke all at the same time.

I would never call myself "mission-minded". Shame on me. I do like to talk about some Jesus to people but I am just fine for those conversations to stay in my city and county.

This trip really didn't peak my interest at all.

The pastor announced it several times and I just nodded and went on to the next thing. I was obviously thinking to myself that God had all of that handled and I was happy that He didn't need or want my help.

The next trigger for me was that one of my best friends felt strongly led to go on the trip.

Immediately I thought, "Good for her. I can ask her for updates and pray. That will be me playing a part through her~all without having to leave any Georgia soil."

I still didn't feel conviction for not wanting to go or anything like that.

She would share her excitement about going and what she would learn from her training meetings. As she shared the details of her upcoming trip I would think to myself, "Whew~sounds exhausting! I'm tired from listening. Good thing my kids need me at home so I don't have to feel called to go."

The first time conviction starting kicking in was when I asked her if they had enough people to go. She said that in order to really minister to the people effectively that many more were needed.

As I stewed on it for several days I began to tell God that I couldn't go because I didn't have anyone to help with the kids.

I felt Him say to me. "Do you think I could provide someone to help with that?"

The truth was YES. I knew He could but I truthfully didn't want to deal with it. I didn't want to try to arrange it, plan it, worry over it, prepare for it, etc...

Finally I gave in and talked to family and friends. They were overwhelmingly supportive and wanted to step in and help in any way possible.

So.....there it was.....my excuse to NOT go was .........gone.

Shep was for it....
My family was for it....
My friends were for it....
and
The Bible commands it.

I decided. Go.

I had no money set aside and the cost is $1300.00 dollars but I stepped out on faith and felt that if God had provided childcare then money would be provided as well.

All of this happened less than 2 weeks ago and I am happy to report that I have gotten well over half of my money raised and the letters just went out this past Saturday. Praise God!!!!!

I won't lie and tell you that I am overjoyed and thrilled at the idea of being away from my family, on foreign soil, worn out and hot. But God can and will use my obedience in spite of my lack of enthusiasm. I believe that enthusisam will come later when I look into the faces of those people that I get to minister to and tell about Jesus.

I urge you to pray for me. Please pray against fear, doubt, and worry. God holds my life. He will be with me and my family as we are apart. He loves me and them more than I can fathom! I would also ask that you pray for my group and that we might be anointed with supernatural power and energy from the Holy Spirit. God already knows the faces and hearts of those we will meet and I pray even now that they would be open to hear our message of faith in Jesus. Pray against bad weather, sickness, injury, or travel hiccups. We know that our enemy will come against us.....but ONE stronger is with us and for us. We anticipate victory on every front in the mighty name of JESUS!!

The Mother Load

2011-05-08T21:14:00.003-04:00

I am crazy blessed with a mother load of women that God has placed in my life that mother me in some form or fashion. This is just my shout out to each one of them! Happy Mother's Day!

First of all, the buck stops with this one. She is my flesh and blood, my one and only....momma. I know her smell. I can tell almost instantly what her mood is simply by her walk from a distance. Hers is the face I want to see most when I am sick. Her words can encourage and inspire me when most others are like noise to my ears. She knows a trip to the mall (or Goodwill) can almost always cheer me up. We can talk for hours and still not cover everything. She is a God chaser. She cares deeply. She loves strong. She is the tie that binds our family. She is a force to be reckoned with. Her strength of character is striking. Her confidence in Christ is just the coolest thing to watch. She is my most favorite woman on this earth....my momma.

This second lady is currently dancing the streets of heaven but I would be so remiss to not mention her. I have thought of her several times today and I can still perfectly picture her wrinkled face. My mawmaw. That is what we southern girls call our grandmothers. Sarah Louise loved to smoke cigarettes. She loved her husband of over 50 years. She loved her small country church and everyone in it....and she loved me. I was her little pet. I came along after a long period of no grandchildren and they were mostly boys. I was spoiled rotten to say the least. My mom and dad would pick me up from her house and I would be dirty from top to bottom but smiling from ear to ear. She would scratch my back, fix my breakfast plate just how I liked it and have a yellow cake with chocolate icing waiting on me to arrive. My mawmaw. She spent many a day mothering me. Teaching me to be creative and imaginative under her big trees in her yard. I can't wait to see her again!

This third lady is mine by default. She didn't choose me, but praise God her son did. Patricia is my awesome mother-in-law. She is such a fine woman and I get to see her strength, grit, and optimism everyday in the man I married. She is the picture of a southern lady. She is proper and refined but truly a humble servant. She doesn't let the fact that she is over 70, suffering with rheumatoid arthritis, endured a kidney transplant, and has several other nagging ailments keep her from weekly volunteering at a local hospital, teaching her Sunday school class or reaching out to shut-ins. Her example wears me out (dang, the bar is set high) and makes me so proud to know her and have her as a mother in my life.

This fourth mother that God has graciously given me is my Linda. God sent Linda to us about 5 years ago and she has become a member of our family. She stepped up to help with Caroline when most others were too scared. She wanted to minister to us by giving us relief in caring for our special needs girl. As we have added to our clan...she has loved all of the others just the same. My kids think she is just part of the family and I wouldn't have it any other way. She is truly the most self-less person I know. She never, ever, ever thinks of herself first. God uses her example to speak to me in so many ways. She mothers me too. She likes to worry over sickness, call with CNN news and weather updates and make sure I know the latest happenings in our church. I tease her constantly but she is such a good sport. She adores my children and I adore her for that!

Lastly, I just want to mention a few friends. That may seem weird to you but I definitely have friends that mother me. Some are older and some are younger. These girls build a wall of grace, faith, and protection around me. I am who I am because of their direct influence on my life. I crave traits that they possess and they make me want to be better followers of Christ.

I am so glad that God gave me women who wouldn't always agree with me but those who love me enough to speak truth, live truth, and encourage always!

Deana, Brandi, Marje, Mandi, Jac, Tess, Liz, Caroline, and Cole.....Happy Mother's Day! Thank you for mothering me at times. You are all so individually awesome people. Your friendship is a portrait of God's goodness in my life. I love you!

National Day of Prayer

2011-05-06T10:14:00.002-04:00

I am exhausted. But in a good way.

I mentioned how busy things are as school is wrapping up for my three kiddos.

I sit here now in a pink dress that Ava picked out for me to wear to "A Mother's Day Tea" at her school today. It will be a lot of fun. She is so excited! All I have to do is show up and get loved on....what a treat for me!

Yesterday our city and surrounding county took part in the National Day of Prayer.

There was a rally on the courthouse steps at noon and then an evening service at a local high school.

I was privileged to get to sing at both of these events.

It was busy.
It was hectic.
My kids had to get shuffled around in order to make it work and I really missed seeing them yesterday.

But, the experience was humbling and exhilarating and one I won't soon forget.

It is always so moving to me to worship God. But to get to do it out in the open....on the steps of our courthouse.....in the center of a football field....meant so much more to me than being confined to the church building.

Lifting my voice and raising my hands for ALL to see and hear was a bit intimidating. Sometimes I wanted to hold back my praise a little bit so people wouldn't think I was weird or super fanatical.

But honestly I was glad my pride lost that battle.

I wish I could paint the picture of hundreds of citizens crying out to God on behalf of our nation, our city, our state, our well-fare, our sin, our schools, and everything else you can imagine. God's Presence was so heavy that I didn't want to even lift my head at times. I just felt led to bow in awe and reverence.

Oh He is so worthy!!

The Spirit of God is moving.....

These desperate days are driving desperate people back into the arms of a divine and gracious God!

I can just imagine His face intently staring at us last night as our prayers rose to Him as a fragrant offering.

We were broken.
We were crying.
We were begging.
We were interceding.
We were listening.
We were yielding.
We were trusting.
We were repenting.

All of these things tender His heart. Just as a father runs to a crying child. I believe our Father hovered close over His children in Bartow County yesterday.

Send Your Presence Lord and rain down on us. Drench us with compassion, kindness, repentance, integrity, courage, boldness, strength, and perseverance. We need revival. We need to be awakened from our sinful slumber of apathy and selfishness. Fill us so we can be emptied out and fill others. Thank you for a nation that honor's personal freedoms. Thank you for the opportunity to gather with so many other believers and simply agree to thank You for our blessings and to ask You for guidance. Now give us the mind of Christ and the willingness to obey You.

May Daze

2011-05-04T15:30:00.002-04:00

How did the month of May arrive before I was aware of it?

My calendar is full of standing appointments, ceremonies, parties, etc....mercy I am tired just thinking of all of it.

But....I am trying ever so hard to be mindful of ALL of the blessings that fill my life on a daily basis.

There are more than I can name or count.

I do want to mention one area where I have been encouraged to tighten up in my spiritual life.

Spiritual warfare.

This is a serious area of weakness for me personally and I am sure that countless other Christians deal with it as well.

I go about most of my days living.....or my days live me.....and I don't walk in the victory that is mine to have. I spend a lot of energy trying to keep my life orderly and manageable. At this very moment I can think of several things going on where God has completely detoured from my chosen path.

This is where being unprepared spiritually can really hurt me.

So~I defer to God's Word and make it personal to me. He tells me there is power in His Word. He tells me to use it and apply it every day. He says it will be food to sustain me, water to nourish me, strength to empower me, and wisdom for whatever I may encounter.

I have tried to wake up each day really prepared. With my battle plan ready and at the front of my mind...I go to Ephesians 6 and do something like this.

Oh God help me to be strong in You and with Your mighty power. Put Your armor on me so that I can take my stand against the enemy and his scheme's that he has planned for me. I know I don't struggle with people but with spiritual beings my eyes cannot see. I want to stand my ground and not give an inch....but really stand strong. Buckle Your truth around my waist and cover me with Your righteousness, fit my feet with Your peace that I may seek peace and be a peace maker for others. Help me to hold tight to my shield of faith so that I can extinguish all the the enemy throws my way. Cover my head with Your helmet of salvation and help me hold high the sword of the Spirit, which is Your Word. Keep me talking to You all day long and help me to pray for others as I ought.

Spared

2011-04-29T17:20:00.002-04:00

As I look back over that last post of mine....it seems almost weird to now to see such beauty and majesty in the thunderstorm.

I sit here now less than a mile away from devastation caused from tornadoes that ripped across the southern states.

Homes gone

Power out

Trees snapped like twigs

Businesses blown down

Some (like me) would wonder where God was when havoc was playing on the wind. Couldn't He just say, "Peace, be still?"

The answer to that is yes.

But He didn't.

He allowed lots of destruction. He allowed injury and loss.

To sit here and try to figure the mind and methods of an omnipotent God is pointless for me.

Instead I should thank Him over and over for His mercy in sparing my family.

I should pray for the thousands of displaced families who are living without homes, power, and loved ones who were lost.

Choosing to rest and trust is not easy when questions plague me. But it is best. So rest I will.

He was there.
In the midst of the raging storm, His presence was near to His children.
He answered those calling out to Him for the first time or maybe just in a long time.

He was there.
He hasn't left.

Only He can truly rebuild and repair the lives of those who will let him.

Rebuild the ruins Lord. Repair the broken hearts and lives. We trust You.

Out-running the Rain

2011-04-27T11:17:00.009-04:00

This past Monday turned out to be a pretty dramatic day.

It didn't really start out that way but God certainly gave us a dynamic ending.

I had to take Caroline down to a neurologist appointment in Atlanta and unfortunately Shep couldn't go. This wouldn't normally be a big deal but the doctor wants to refer us to a specialist that we have seen before. This was completely unexpected and left me trying to process and pray about what seemed to be a mysterious and frustrating blow to us....again completely out of left field. (there will be more on this but not ready to fully divulge just yet)

On top of being completely taken aback by the doctor's information, Caroline decided to yank her g-tube out as I was in the process of feeding her.

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wanted to scream but I had to maintain some semblance of control. I got a nurse to stay with her so I could go try to find a syringe or something to help remedy the situation.

(In case you are feeling sorry for my child and thinking maybe I should have been concerned with her safety or pain from pulling this g-tube out....she was laying on the floor laughing at the mayhem she had caused. So~sorry.....no pity here.)

Anyway, I found a syringe, got the g-tube back in, finished feeding Caroline, changed her diaper and got to the car just in time for 5:00 traffic on highways 285 and 75. My nerves were blood raw, my stomach was churning, my mind was whirling, and the prayers being lifted were not fluent at all. I am thankful that the Holy Spirit intercedes for us because I am pretty sure that there were no clear and lucid thoughts emerging from my over-done brain.

Our sweet Linda had not seen the kids in several days and had pre-arranged to come visit them so that Shep and I could go for a motorcycle ride. After my fiasco of a afternoon I was beyond ready to hop on that bike and let my brain freewheel while holding tight to my man.

There were reports of thundershowers (as always in spring and summer) but we were gonna brave it and try to ride toward clear blue skies.

God had other plans for us.

At first things were fine. But it seemed like the dark gray clouds just kept closing in.

The sprinkles came and then we were getting pummeled by full blown rain. We could see blue skies but we couldn't seem to get to them. This was pretty much the gist of our whole ride.

We spent the whole hour and a half in and out of spitting rain. It was so strange. The blue sky and sunshine was there in the short distance...it just took forever to get to it. Finally we emerged from the dark clouds and enjoyed the brilliant sunshine. The darkness was now to our backs and the sky ahead was completely clear.

There was just one little problem.

The way home was NOT straight ahead. It was to our left and yep, you guessed it...back into the clouds.

It was like we were destined to be right in the thick of it. We had no sooner dried our helmets in the sunshine's warmth when we felt the first hits of rain....again.

It was truly a spectacle of creation.

I have never witnessed or experienced anything like it.

God was about to speak loud and clear to me.....using the tools at His disposal. CREATION.

As we headed south on highway 41 the clouds got darker and heavier. To our right.....blue skies.....lots of sun.

To our left and above....darkness, shades of deep gray, and rain

As the rain began to pour down...our eyes were drawn to something in the darkness.

It was the most radiant full rainbow I have ever seen.

The colors were clear and separate. I would have sworn that they were neon and glowing. Poor Shep had to drive and couldn't really enjoy the view. But I couldn't take my eyes off of the magnificent rainbow. It seemed to be following us.

It was such a funny sensation. All of a sudden the pelting rain didn't bother me. I was wet, cold, and the forecast wasn't improving but my view was different.

All the darkness and rain were now suddenly in my peripheral view....the spotlight was the rainbow. Everything else paled in comparison. It was beautiful to behold and breathtaking! I didn't even want to look at the simple sunshine to my right. I wanted to gaze intently into the darkness and rain just to fully take in His glorious rainbow.

Out of that.....God Almighty spoke to my heart.

Child, I am God. I tell the sun to shine and the clouds to pour.
I am God in the light. I am God in the darkness.
You spend so much energy trying to outrun the storm.
I have placed you in the midst of it.
Run as you may.... but it is my plan for the rain to pour right now.
Look into the darkness....my promise is there.
Don't be afraid.
Behold My provision, My protection, My presence inside the dark clouds and pounding rain.
I AM just as BIG and present with you here in this darkness as I AM in the light.
Trust me.
Trust my ways when you don't understand my methods.
Look into the storm.
Don't run from it.
Receive the promise I have for you there.

Job 26 says:

God stretches the northern sky over empty space
and hangs the earth on nothing.
⁸ He wraps the rain in his thick clouds,
and the clouds don’t burst with the weight.
⁹ He covers the face of the moon,^[c]
shrouding it with his clouds.
¹⁰ He created the horizon when he separated the waters;
he set the boundary between day and night.
¹¹ The foundations of heaven tremble;
they shudder at his rebuke.
¹² By his power the sea grew calm.
By his skill he crushed the great sea monster.^[d]
¹³ His Spirit made the heavens beautiful,
and his power pierced the gliding serpent.
¹⁴ These are just the beginning of all that he does,
merely a whisper of his power.
Who, then, can comprehend the thunder of his power?”

hopelessly hopeful

2011-04-24T20:58:00.002-04:00

Hope-to expect with confidence (from Webster's online dictionary)

Because the God I serve came back to life after being beaten mercilessly, crucified on a cross, and laid in a tomb....all so I could live!

To NOT live life with Hope would be an insult to His amazing sacrifice!!!

He has nothing to offer us.....if not Hope!

Psalm 71:14 "As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more!"

Good indeed

2011-04-22T13:01:00.003-04:00

Today could almost slip by unnoticed.

There are jobs to do, errands to run, kids to tend to, and oh yea....isn't it Easter this weekend?

But not yet. Friday is here but Sunday is coming....

Today goes down as one of the most blessed days for those of us redeemed, bought, cleansed, and saved by the blood of Jesus.

Today represents the entire reason He came to this earth to clothe Himself with humanity, walk among us, and share in our sufferings.

Today represents His death.
Today represents my life.

Today represents the beatings that left him almost unrecognizable.
Today represents the healing that is mine through the stripes He took.

Today represents His sacrifice.
Today represents my salvation.

Faithful Lord~ thank you for doing what you came to do. Thank you for enduring the shame and scorn. Thank you for taking the beating, the cursing, and the spitting. Thank you for wearing the crown of thorns. Thank you for being nailed to a cross and never shrinking back from what it cost you. Your love is incomprehensible. I am overwhelmed. My sins are taken away...past, present, and future. You alone made the way. Help me to live for you. Help me not to squander Your sacrifice or to diminish it in any way. Compel me to pursue others on Your behalf, to tell them of Your great love and mercy that is theirs for the taking. One man came to die to save all of mankind. It is a Good Friday indeed!

Interruptions

2011-04-19T20:45:00.002-04:00

I honestly don't know what I would do without the constant accountability that hems me in through Bible study.

I wish I could tell you that I am" super spiritual" and that I dive into the Word every morning like clock work BUT that would be a BIG FAT LIE. I love God's Word and I thoroughly enjoy learning and applying it but sometimes I just don't know where to go.

The truth is....staying in Bible study helps me do that in a huge way. Our church has a Thursday morning group that I have made my home. These ladies are so vastly different yet so fiercely concerned with growing in the Lord. I started attending this group about 7 years ago and I have never stopped. One of the reasons that I continue to teach (or lead) these studies is because I have to stand up in front of these women and be ready to present what God is doing in my life. So that also means that I have to be prayed up, repentant, yield to the Holy Spirit, and PREPARED!

Well, this spring we have started a new study.....and I am not leading it. I get to sit back and soak it in!

I am getting to sit at someone else's feet. It happens to be someone that I trust completely and love as my own sister. "D" as I call her (short for Deana) hates to be the center of attention. However, the spiritual depth and insight that she possesses is inspiring and even a bit intimidating. So glad she is one of my best friends so that I can claim some of her spirituality by proximity:)

Anyway, she kicked us off last week with a new study by Priscilla Shirer. It is on "Jonah". The video was so incredibly good and it certainly wet my appetite for what's to come. The home work has done it's job......it has gotten this lazy girl into the Word on a more consistent basis.

The overall theme of this study is learning how deal with interruptions to our lives that are allowed and planned by Almighty God.

Jonah was a prophet who heard from God then reported the message.
This was his life.
This was the plan.
Then God threw him a curve ball.

Have you had any curve balls lately?

I feel like interruptions are becoming "the norm" for my life.

NOTHING in my life is how I thought it would be at this point....except that maybe my marriage is way better than I thought.

EVERYTHING else.....children, finances, friends, extended family, and just life in general is a constant state of change.

Take this week: Zeke got diagnosed with strep throat on Sunday at the Publix clinic. Oops...they didn't take our insurance. Nice expense we weren't planning on. On Monday Zeke starts getting a swollen lump on his jaw line that concerns the doctor. Meanwhile my throat is getting hoarse and very scratchy and oh yea.....I've got 2 solo songs to sing this Friday night.

INTERRUPTIONS!

sickness
meetings
unexpected expenses
troubling thoughts

Now I get it that these are smallish things (by the way...Zeke is fine) but still they are NOT what I would have planned. These things are getting in the way of my desired plans.

Well, that is exactly the problem.

I view my life as MY life. But that isn't true. My life belongs to God and my chief responsibility is to obey Him.

Priscilla explains our role as Christians by describing the occupation of someone who is a personal assistant. The parallel to the Christian walk is easy to identify and it clearly spoke to me.

"I recently met a young woman who works as a personal assistant to one of the most powerful people in the country. She was delighted when she was offered this coveted job working alongside this highly respected and busy individual. The moment she signed on to be an assistant, she was told that during her working hours she needed to be on call. This meant that at any moment her boss may call her to assist him and she would need to drop anything she was doing-even if she was working on another assignment at the time. While adjusting to fit this schedule was difficult at first, she quickly became used to it and organized her life appropriately.
Now she is constantly waiting on a call from her boss. She makes sure that all of her communication devices are powered up, activated, and just a hand's reach away so that she can be ready to receive instruction. While she does make personal plans during working hours, she holds them loosely. She is fully aware that her primary responsibility is to be ready to manage that which her boss assigns.
I asked her if she felt overwhelmed or disgusted having to change her personal plans. She shook her head and replied, 'No way. It's an honor to have this job. And,' he added, 'he's a nice guy. While everything he asks for is not always convenient, he's very considerate. I want to do a good job.'"

-from Jonah pg. 14 by Priscilla Shirer

This was spoken from someone who loved their job and their boss.

How much more should I love and joyfully serve the ONE who saved me, suffered for me, sustains me, sacrificed for me, and satisfies my soul???????

If I trust that He has my life in His hands then He is holding the interruptions too!

Galatians 2:20 "My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Take Notice....Not Pity

2011-04-15T09:50:00.005-04:00

Let me preface this entire post by saying: I AM NOT PROMOTING PITY; BUT ENCOURAGEMENT!

Shep and I received some sweet encouragement this week from two separate friends.

It was a different kind of encouragement.

You may not even see it as encouragement.

BUT let me just say....WE WERE SO BLESSED AND ENCOURAGED BY THE VULNERABILITY AND SINCERITY OF THESE FRIENDS.

They did something difficult.
They "took notice".
They called and relayed what God impressed to them.
They opened themselves to fully feel and experience what is often pushed away because it is uncomfortable and awkward.

Their boldness prompted me to look for ways to "take notice" of others and encourage them in their walks of life.

As parents of a severely disabled child, we have learned how to manage our lives. We do what we do in methodical fashion. We are so used to the way things are that we don't stop....it is kind of like we run on auto-pilot.

The emotional burden that we carry is so deeply personal and private that we only share the details of it with the closest friends, family, and our Lord Jesus. They are the only ones who have earned the right to be trusted with our heartaches, hurts, and fears.

I could talk endlessly about the physical strain that we deal with...
-constantly carrying a child who is almost 9 years old
-lifting her stroller/wheelchair in and out of every destination we come to
-looking for private places to change her diaper
-wiping her mouth from excessive drool and poor head control
-feeding her 4 times a day through a g-tube in her belly

I could also talk endlessly about the emotional strain that it takes on us...
-the stares from people everywhere we go
-looking at other children her age and what they are doing
-second-guessing how we discipline her
-having two other children who need our attention also

There are countless other things that we don't really discuss. It is just our lives. It is what we have been called to right now. I unapologetic-ally stand on the fact that we believe God has told us that He plans to heal her. Lots of people are uncomfortable with that. I don't know what to tell you. God is God and He does as He pleases. But until He does heal her.....
we must carry on. We must keep placing one foot in front of the other.

I would be lying if I told you that there isn't a bit of sadness that comes with each day. Anyone that has a loved one who is handicapped, disabled, or chronically ill would probably agree. This doesn't mean you don't passionately love that person. You do. You just wish things were different for them.

Anyway, I am getting far away from my point here..............................................................................

When one of our friends called he told Shep about an event that happened to him that in some small way helped him identify with how we must feel everyday and on a much larger scale. His son had his first t-ball game. After several weeks of practice it was game time. 10 of the 12 players took the field. But NOT his boy. His boy sat the bench. The friend and father became upset, angry and sad. Not for himself...but for his boy.

Why??

Because he knew that his boy wanted to be out there doing what the other kids were doing but he couldn't. He had been told to sit the bench.

He told us immediately that we came to his mind. Here he was sad that his son could not play during the game. But how would he feel if his son never got to do what the other kids did. What if he was always the one who was left out?

His tender heart and vulnerability led him to pick up the phone and call.

He relayed his story and just wanted to encourage us in our walk.

His message was simple..."I can't imagine what ya'll deal with everyday."

That was it.

Simple and sweet....to the point.

But oh so powerful!

Someone took notice. Not pity.....but notice.

They were able to appreciate the scope of their situation by looking at someone else's situation.

Couldn't we all do this?

Take a step back, kick judgment to the curb and truly encourage some folks we know.

I have so many people that I admire for various reasons.....their resolve, their passion, their determination, their kindness, their hospitality, their sense of style:-)

Why don't I tell them?

Is it pride?

Does praising the efforts of others make me feel like I lack in certain areas?

Can I not be ok enough with my own deficiencies that I would be willing to learn to imitate others who deal better than I?

I think that the body of Christ would be so much stronger if believers truly used the" iron sharpening iron" method instead of tearing others down to make ourselves feel better.

Proverbs 10:11 "The words of the godly are a life-giving fountain..."

Let's go be some living water to someone today!!!

Spring Break in Blakely

2011-04-11T14:06:00.015-04:00

This was our 2nd year to head to south GA for Spring Break.
We rode 4 wheelers, hunted for arrowheads (and found some), made smores, climbed towers, made cane poles and fished, ate way more than usual and had so much fun as a family.
Some of our best friends went with us. We made memories that are sealed in my mind.

These are just a few pictures of my crew having fun in the hot south GA sun!

I must say that seeing my man so happy wearing his camo every single day made me happy too!

Time

2011-04-05T09:49:00.002-04:00

I was doing my devotion this morning as I begged my brain to wake up.

We are on Spring Break this week and it seems like I am lagging behind without the deadlines of a clock and demands of a schedule holding me accountable.

Anyway, the devotional was about knowing God's will for your life. The example was David and the text was 2 Samuel 2:1-4. David has learned that Saul and Jonathon are dead and he has torn his clothes and lamented over his grief.

I was amused over something that I missed in reading this passage before.

"In the course of time, David inquired of the Lord." 2 Sam. 2:1

Does anybody else appreciate that God gives us the gift of time.

He knew that David was grieving the loss of his best friend. But He had a HUGE plan for David. David was to become King.

But David needed time.

I just love that.

I also love that God didn't mind him needing a little time to deal.

There are several situations in my life right now that I don't know exactly how to deal with....
-God giving me the desire to do something entirely new and unexpected (a major curve ball)
-A wayward extended family member openly walking away from God and his family
-Being frustrated with things that haven't happened
-Relationship issues
-Financial stress

This is real life and God expects us to live it with integrity and in accordance with His Word.

I just want to praise Him for His patience and loving kindness for us....because He created us and He knows us better than anyone.

We will inquire of Him...
We will come to Him...
...............................................................in the course of TIME!

In time...he can change our hearts
In time...he can help us forgive
In time...he can make us ready
In time...he can give us courage.

The words just came...

2011-04-01T09:02:00.004-04:00

I have had good reason lately to cry out to God and ask Him to speak directly to me with a specific word of encouragement.

The enemy of my soul has been beating down my door in a full-scale attack to distract, discourage, and destroy my faith.

Each day that passes and Caroline is not healed gets harder to believe the promise.

Feelings, time, and physical circumstances can all be liars to what God has declared; but tell that to my heart on days when I feel doubt ridden and overcome by fear.

Two days ago I was sitting at Shep's office (I work there part time) and a gentlemen brought in his weekly devotional. It is a photocopied sheet of paper with a devotional and several other encouraging passages of scripture. He does this every single week. I assume he feels led to do this for local businesses. I don't know his name but he never misses a week and always wears a smile.

As he handed me the paper I couldn't wait to peek at the verses. You see I am constantly looking for God to speak. Especially right now.....it is like water to a very thirsty soul.

There it was.

2 Tim. 3:14

The verse itself wasn't exactly what spoke to me but there was a word hidden in that verse that might as well have jumped off the page in neon green.

"But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it."

That was it....the word that jumped off the page

CONTINUE

Certainly not what I wanted it to be but nevertheless, a word from God Almighty.

As I sat here in my chair....words, or poetry, or maybe even lyrics formed in my head...

These words just came out of what I live each day and what I felt God had to say to me in return...

Lord, what do I do?
Each day is the same...there's nothing new.
These thoughts and doubts stealing joy from me today;
Can't I pray enough to drive them all away?

Your Word stands; Your Word is true.
It speaks and heals; restores and makes me new.
I run in need desperate to hear from you~
What You say is........CONTINUE.

Lord, how do I fight?
This hopelessness is eating me alive.
The enemy taunts and jeers for me to quit;
Taking all the ground I've gained-he won't relent.

Your Word stands; Your Word is true.
It speaks and heals; restores and make me new.
I run in need desperate to hear from you~
What You say is.......CONTINUE.

CONTINUE despite what you see
Keep your eyes fixed on only ME.
CONTINUE with every ache and tear
Bringing yourself so very near
to the only One who urges you to
CONTINUE.

Your Word stands; Your Word is true.
What You say is........CONTINUE!

Poop and a Pot of Coffee

2011-03-30T13:05:00.003-04:00

Zeke has really been doing well with his transition to potty training. I think we are in week 3 or 4 (I've lost count) and he only has the occasional accident.

I feel like I have posted several times about my girls so I wanted to include some recent funnies on my little man Zeke.

Some cute things he currently says at 2 and a half years old are:

"Where's my lanky?" that is "Where is my blanket?"
"See that pippopotimus!"
"I can't want that mommy."

Oh, I just love it! I don't even correct him because it will happen soon enough on its own.

Yesterday, we were at home most of the day and I could tell that his tummy was bothering him. I had asked him repeatedly if he needed to go potty but he promptly told me, "No. I can't want to go potty mommy."

I kept bothering him but finally I just accepted that he must not need to go.

My mistake.

Not even 20 minutes later he comes waddling into the kitchen and I knew from his weird walk that he had dropped a bomb (as Shep says) in his big boy underwear.

Ughhhhhhhh

I was so frustrated. I had just asked him repeatedly......but accidents do happen.

He was ready to get into clean pants but I still wanted to teach the lesson to him that this poop belonged in the potty. I carefully removed his underwear and we discarded the poop and then he flushed.

Well somehow in this whole ordeal I had to scratch my nose.

Yep, you guessed it.

Poop managed to make it into my nostril. I could see it in the mirror and I could smell it. But my hands were dirty and Zeke's rear end needed cleaning so my nose would have to wait.

Finally the drama is over.....Zeke is cleaned up...my hands get clean...my nose gets cleaned and Zeke goes down for a nap.

My next thought was something so unexpected.
"I wanted a cup of coffee."

Lord, I am becoming my mother.

She always wants a fresh pot of coffee. She swears it just makes her feel better.

So....that is exactly what I did.

I made me a little pot of coffee and thoroughly enjoyed it. Of course, I am not hard core. I still like my coffee to be blond with highlights.:0)

Oh the joys.........