Yearning....

I have heard it said that..."a mother is only as happy as her most sad child".

Do you think that is true?

-A mother with 4 kids and all are doing great except for one that is in jail. Where do you think her heart is?

-A mother with 2 grown children sees that one of her children is depressed, financially unstable, and a failing marriage. Where is her heart?

-A mother with 5 amazing kids and one is addicted to drugs and is without God. Where does her heart bleed?

I will tell you.

As a mother of three amazing, delightful, and precious children....your heart stays most with the one who needs you the most. Your heart breaks most for the one who isn't whole. Your mind floods with thoughts around the one who you wish you could help but the remedy is out of your hands.

Holidays are always hard.

This Thanksgiving was so good...and there is still good to come.

But (secretly) I was only as happy as my most needy child.

As we gathered to give thanks and partake of the much-anticipated meal....I ached for my child who couldn't taste or enjoy any of it.

As Christmas comes knocking at the door...I already feel my frustration for buying toys for my child who can't really play with them or even open them at this time.

I am not writing this for any one's pity. This is simply the truth.

The truth just isn't always pretty or fun...or easy to read.

This year I am thankful for my God who wants the truth. The truth that we hide away and think that He really doesn't want to hear. No----that isn't my God. He seeks out the truth. The ugly stuff that I don't want to admit.

The enemy tells me that I should not dare complain or voice my hurts here at Thanksgiving. He wants me to keep this in and become angry.

I won't do it.

Instead I will celebrate these holidays in truth.

I will come before Him open and honest. I won't hold back my hurts. I will shout out my praises and thanksgiving. I will love Him. I will honor Him. I will bring Him my treasured secrets and my most sacred thoughts. He is worthy.

I am having a hard time. But He is good. He hears me. He hurts with me. He has a plan.

Father strengthen me today. You know me well. You know how I can be. Keep my feet firm and my mind set on You. I have so much to be thankful for....remind me always. May my words be gracious and kind...my lips eager to praise You!