Victory to defeat in a day

We experienced a "first" yesterday.

I took Caroline and Ava to the movies to see "The Princess and the Frog".

Ava has been to the movies before. She loves it!!

Caroline has trouble mainly because of the volume. She is rattled and spooked so easily by loud things. I have found that this is common in the world of "special needs" children.

Anyway, if she gets spooked...it is all over. She goes into full-blown FIT mode and shrieks like there is no tomorrow. So, you can see why we have waited till now to take her.

I must tell you it was really great! Better than expected...I had to hold her the whole time and I am not sure that she watched a lot of the movie (due to poor head control) but we made it through the entire show. No one even had to get up for a potty break...thank you Jesus!

However, because I feel called to be completely honest about how I walk with God everyday, that is where is fun stopped.

Immediately I was hit from all sides with despair, discouragement, and even anger.

Here were the thoughts...

"These fairy tale movies are a bunch of bunk. They tell little children that all of your dreams come true if you just believe enough. I believe every single day as hard as I can and I don't see my dreams coming true."

"Do any fairy tale dreams come true anymore?"

"Why have I done this again? Set myself up to believe only to be let down again."

"I am crazy to act like she might be healed and soon."

"I am the worst mother in the world because I can't understand my own child."

O.k. so I tell you all of that to say that I know the enemy was and is behind this. But, honestly it was too much. I didn't have the energy to fight him. I didn't even want to. I just wanted to stay in that dark place of unbelief, doubt, and anger. At the time, it felt better to do that than to hope in God.

Today, I am still there a little bit.

I do plan to get in the Word and on my face in prayer a good bit today. I did take a proactive step by singing my heart out and dancing with my kids to Mandisa's song, "It's only the world."
It helped.

Maybe you need a dose of this song too...

Been a hard one
Been a bad one
Been a tough one
Been a sad one
It's been one of those days that keeps chipping away at my heart
Nothing new here
It's what I do here
It's a stereotypical day in the life
I'm surrounded by all of the pain and the strife
But I know it's all right

(go listen to the rest if you don't know it....)