A "flare" up

This past week has been physically taxing on me.

For those of you familiar with the terms of arthritis, I have had a "flare" up. Basically, all that really means is that I have been in some extreme acute pain.

I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis almost 8 years ago. Its effect was immediate. I went from normal daily activities to not being able to get out of bed in a matter of a week. The specialist put me on several medications known to help manage pain and prevent joint damage. Over the years this disease has become more manageable and I have been able to back off of all but 2 medications.

Well, that came to a screeching halt this week. Driving, dressing my children, and anything else that involved my hands became all but impossible. Tears would just roll down my face as I tried to push through the pain and force my hands to do things that they just wouldn't do.

I knew that this was coming. My body had not felt good in a few weeks. But you just think that it will get better. It has to.

But it didn't.

This pain just lingered and almost intensified every day.

I have shared before how Shep and I have been hit hard by the financial crisis. I often share my struggles in caring for a handicapped child and the toll it can take on you physically and emotionally. I have shared that we feel like God has opened wide the doors for Shep to step into the political world and run for state representative.

None of that has changed....but the constant PAIN was added in.

It was too much.

I realized that I had not only had a "flare" up with my arthritis, but I had developed a temper "flare" toward my God.

I was angry.

I felt betrayed.

"Wasn't this enough?"

"Aren't we due some easy days?"

"Can't things quit being so hard?"

These were my thoughts toward God...except I said them through clenched teeth and closed fists.

In the Lord's loving way He tended to me.

He worked my entire situation on Tuesday so that I got in to see the specialist on short notice. I had new medicine in my body in no time. He used friends and family to help with transportation, children and food so that I could rest. Then He lead me to His Word to speak truth to my soul.

My enemy has attacked me for so long with mental bombardment.
His tactic had changed but I had not caught on....now he was wearing me down physically.

The Lord showed me.

However, I had to repent of my anger and sin toward Him.

He lead me to Proverbs.

My daughter, if you accept my words
and store up my commands within you,
turning your ear to wisdom
and applying your heart to understanding,
and if you call out for insight
and cry aloud for understanding,
and if you look for it as for silver
and search for it as for hidden treasure,
then you will understand the fear of the LORD
and find the knowledge of God.
For the LORD gives wisdom,
and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.
He holds victory in store for those whose walk is blameless,
for he guards the course of the just
and protects the way of his faithful ones.

Prov. 2:1-8