Against sensible odds

a small group gathered last Wednesday to pray over some sweet friends.

We went before God and asked Him to do the impossible.

We needed Him to re-start the heart of an 8 week developing baby in it's mother's womb.

We asked in confidence.
We asked believing that He could do it.
We asked and demonstrated our faith.
We asked because He tells us to.
We asked because He creates life.
We asked because we need to see Him show up.


Today we got our answer and it wasn't what we wanted.

I won't lie and act like I am not slightly upset, discouraged, and sad.

The truth is that I wanted this desperately for my friends. But, I needed it for myself. I needed to see it with my own eyes.


As I went before God today and prayed I told Him exactly how I felt about the way things turned out. I found myself becoming cynical, distant, and even mad.


I sit here tonight and I still don't know all the answers.

I can't make sense of His ways and I know that I am not supposed to.

But I need a miracle. I need to know that He still does work miracles!!!

Everything in me wants to quit. I think....

"Why do this?"

"Why get your hopes up repeatedly?"

"Why do you think a miracle will still happen for your daughter?"


As I drove home tonight God met me in my disappointment.

He let me do what I love best. He let me sing out my frustration to him.

It was ugly.

My voice is all but gone. I had the volume up as loud as it would go and if it hadn't been so cold outside my hands (or at least the one not on the wheel) would have been up out of the sun roof and raised toward heaven.

I have written about it before but Martina McBride's song "Anyway" just answers a lot of questions for me....especially the one nagging at me today.

Would I have prayed last Wednesday if I had known this outcome???

Yes.

Would I have gotten my hopes up last week if I had known that I was going to experience this heartache today??

Yes.

Will I pray again and believe for God to do the impossible....???

Yes.

Why?

What is the alternative if I don't?

Life without hope.


That.......I won't do!