A Nose Knows....

After our hectic (but awesome) week of Vacation Bible School we needed a slower pace this week.

By slower pace...I just mean we weren't out the door early and rushing around. We were still pretty busy but it was just different. We were able to go at our own pace which made a huge difference.

I went to the Ear, Nose, and Throat Specialist this week. My voice has been hoarse for 6 weeks. I feel fine but can't quite seem to get my voice back. Talking is straining to me and singing.....oh how I miss singing....it is next to impossible. My doctor referred me to the ENT specialist to try to diagnose the problem. After a stimulating nose probe (yes, I said that right) the doctor said that I have singer's nodules. These nodules have formed on my vocal chords due to incorrect singing and speaking styles. The remedy for such behavior-----speech therapy.

So sign me up for some therapy! I am desperate to have my voice back so I will do whatever it takes. The doctor seems confident that some rest and speech therapy should fix the problem. However, I am going to have to re-learn how to speak and sing.

Dang it! I am not great at changing deep rooted behavior. But, the sounds emitting from my mouth as I try to sing cannot be tolerated much longer. I sound like a hyena trying to hit high notes.

(Details on the nose probe....they hold your nostrils open and spray a foul substance into your nose. As you swallow and inhale this unbelievably nasty stuff, it will numb your throat. This quick acting substance numbs your throat and the back part of your tongue. Each time you swallow you feel as though your tongue is the size of a giant grapefruit and you want to choke. As if this alone doesn't make you ill at ease....the doctor then comes at you with a long cable with a light and camera on the end. She inserts it into your nostril and down your throat all the while telling you not to swallow and to be still. Ready to sign up for this awesome experience?!?)

Needless to say I haven't been singing at church lately and probably won't be for a little while longer. I hate it. It makes my heart hurt. Singing is just what I do. It is such a natural expression for me. However, I trust that God is using this time to force me to rest and to learn a new and better way. So, I am gonna try to put my big girl panties on and deal with it.

Lord I praise You even when something I love has been temporarily taken away. You gave me that gift and I believe You will restore it as well. Please give me extra portion of patience with You and myself. Give me a teachable heart. Use this circumstance to make me more like You. Continue to draw me to You through Your Word and prayer. I desire to live out my faith not just talk about it. Forgive me for my anger and doubt as I have wrestled with what You are doing. Give me trust....more and more trust. Thank you for hardships and trials. I don't enjoy dealing with them but I know it is how You work. I want more of You Lord and less of me.