This is the third attempt at trying to write this post.
I have typed and deleted the past two segments. I didn't like what I had to say. It seemed as though I was going completely around the point to try to explain myself. The truth is...I am simply a bit depressed about summer.
There.
That wasn't so bad.
The reason I dread summer is because I can't do the things I want to do.
Well, that isn't exactly true either. But I can't do things the way I want to do them.
I have to live a life adjusted.
For anyone who lives day in and day out with a severely disabled person...I bet you understand. Or maybe you don't. But....I write to be real. Like it or not. This is me.
There is never ever ever a day when my family can do something on a whim.
We always have to plan and think about how our plans will include Caroline.
Summertime just intensifies this rule.
Getting out and doing things with 3 kids is difficult on a good day. But getting out and doing anything when one of those precious children can't talk, walk, sit, speak, or eat makes everything so hard I don't even want to try.
I am not going to ramble on and on like I want to about feeding tubes, diapers, wipes, wheelchairs, and carrying around a very long-legged almost 10 year old. But, without judgement, please pray for me.
God is so sweet and faithful. He has graciously surrounded me with help and fun for the past 9 summers and I know He will do the same again.
The enemy just wants to bait the hook and let me bite. He knows that if he can get me to dread then I will begin to doubt. When doubt enters the scene faith begins to falter.
I know better than to give into doubt and dread. My God has been too faithful. But, in the raw moments, a heart has to exhale.
I have learned that God is pleased to handle my heart when I am honest before Him and myself.
Hebrews 4: 13 "Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account."
1 comment:
Yes ma'am. I hear you loud and clear. Trying to make lemonade out of some of these lemons is a helluva job sometimes. I understand that sometimes its awfully hard to get all excited about activities that include everyone but that no one seems to enjoy very much. You got two kids that like to run and play and swim and be kids. Well you can't leave Caroline out- but she can't do those things, so you try to find something that everyone can tolerate and hopefully some will enjoy...not as easy as some folks might think (not that they have ever actually thought about it). You just press on, Sugar. Don't you give in for a second. Me and God and your three sweet babies are all pulling just hard as we can. Let's just see what God does this summer!
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