Ugly Honest Prayers

I am sure you have heard the term "ugly crying."

Maybe you haven't.

It is the opposite of normal crying where tears roll down your cheeks and you sniffle some.

Ugly crying involves your whole body.  Shoulders shaking, head bobbing, nose running, arms flailing, and mouth moaning.

Well last night we (Shep and I) did our version of "ugly praying."

There was nothing really dignified about it....except for the fact that we were praying to God Almighty.

Our eyes were closed.  But our bodies were more laid in the fetal position rather than bowed down.

We both had heavy hearts.  We are needing God's direction in some areas.  His provision in other areas.  And His encouragement in ALL areas.

Ever been there?

The best thing to do is pray.  But I will warn you....it is the last thing you will want to do.

As Shep begin praying I knew this prayer was a bit different than the ones he normally prays.  It wasn't that he was being ungrateful.  I doubt that man has an ungrateful bone in his body...unlike me.  But he wasn't hiding behind words he felt like he ought to say.  He just prayed.  Real raw words.  The fears and frustrations that you don't say....were spoken.  The feelings you feel when your faith feels completely absurd were uttered.

All the questions we have about Caroline and other issues were asked...with no answers falling back on our ears.

All the reasons for wanting to give up were spoken....but knowing we won't.  We can't because we have come too far to turn back.

I even interjected things in his prayer (yes, out loud) that I don't understand.

Like I said, it was ugly.  But honest.

Maybe this is what is meant by a "come-to-Jesus meeting."

We were exhausted, overwhelmed, doubtful, frustrated, and discouraged.

You can't just stay that way.  Although I would bet that many folks walking around are a big bundle of those things.

So...our fix was to talk it all out to our Heavenly Father.  He promises to be faithful.  He tells us to bring our burdens to him and not just the pretty ones or the easy ones.  He wants the ugly honest ones.

This morning I woke up to new mercies.  I also have strength available through the power of the Holy Spirit.  I don't necessarily feel it but, like the air I breathe without seeing, it is still there.

I am gonna walk in that truth today. I am gonna cling tight to the promises of God without possibly feeling that they are true.

But I wanted to write about last night.  It was ugly and real.  It is awkward to feel that desperate for God but I think it is a good thing.

I was honestly amazed by so much that we think and feel that we hold back from God.  It felt good to release it to Him.  He can handle it.

I didn't have to look very far to find a Psalm from Asaph writing prayers like Shep prayed last night...these verses are from the New Living Translation.  Psalm 77:1-3

"I cry out to God without holding back
Oh, that God would listen to me!
When I was in deep trouble ,
I searched for the Lord.
All night long I pray, with hands lifted toward heaven, pleading.
There can be no joy for me until he acts.
I think of God, and I moan,
overwhelmed with longing for his help."

Ugly and honest words written and prayed long ago to the same God who listened to us last night.

He never grows weary of listening to His kids.  And He remembers our weaknesses....