I am on the mend from sinus surgery. In just over 24 hours this stint will be removed from my nose and my breathing will return to a blessed sense of normal.
There is so much to write about...
We went on a fun vacation with some of the dearest of friends. I have gobs of pictures to share.
But my life has come to a screeching halt this past week. My normal has been replaced by abnormal and I am over it.
Surgery is not for the faint of heart.
I cannot imagine having something really serious done.
I have had 3 Cesarean sections, a gall bladder surgery and now....this sinus surgery.
None of these are particularly serious surgeries although no surgery is without risks. But this one has been different because it is very up close and personal.
As in my nose. My face space. Breathing. Tasting.
Surgery was last Wednesday. From the time I got home late Wednesday afternoon until Friday night I was pretty much out of it. The anesthesia made me sick. The pain medicine made me sick. The not eating made me sick. So...I just slept.
~Right through the 4th of July I might add~
By Saturday I felt some better. Weak and lethargic but better. We got different pain meds and I started using saline solution to open up my ever swelling nose.
Things were looking up.
I even began to get my appetite back.
For dinner I asked for take-out pizza.
I wanted Gondoliers. The cheese would be slightly browned and the pepperoni perfectly crispy....I couldn't wait to bite into a slice or five.
My family was excited to have me back in the land of the coherent. We got our pizzas and perched ourselves in front of the television for a Saturday night movie.
My plate was piled high with 3 pieces of pizza. The grease, the cheese, and the pepperoni looked perfect and I couldn't wait to eat it.
And then I did.
What happened next should never happen to anyone eating pizza anywhere ever...I could not taste any of it.
Zero. Zilch. Nothing.
I tried so hard to taste.
I willed my tongue to do its job. But nothing.
I ate anyway. I ate for spite.
It looked so incredibly good. I knew it was good.
But the taste eluded me.
(Maybe now you can see why this stint coming out tomorrow is such a sacred event?!?)
This morning I hurried around the house doing our morning thing. God stopped me in the middle of the kitchen and moved on my heart with words and application that sometimes only a heart can hear.
***God and I have been close for a long time. Desperation does that to His child. It usually brings you close. He has spoon fed faith to me for years. He has let me taste His goodness over and over again. Lately I can't sense Him. Not like before. I can't even pray sometimes. Not like before. He seems so intentionally quiet. Not like before. Believing Him feels like I am doing nothing....but it takes all I have to do it.
In the kitchen He spoke to my heart and said, "I am working. I am doing some things you can't see, or hear, or even feel at this time. But know that I am good. You have tasted my goodness time and again. When you can't taste it....KNOW it. Then I remembered the pizza and Saturday night. The pizza was good. How did I know? Because I had tasted it before. Many times. Saturday night I just couldn't taste what was there. But I would again."
Jesus spoke to me using something I am currently walking through. That is usually His way.
I miss the sense of taste.
I miss the closeness of Jesus.
Taste will come again.
He isn't finished.
Oh taste and see that the Lord is good. Psalm 34:8
And if for now....you can't taste it......know it. Remember how good He has been before and know His goodness doesn't end.
Taste will come again.
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