GOT JOY??

Talk about convicting?!? Given the past few days of my life...Shep and I have had some pretty intense discussions. We were primarily discussing how most Christians we know just go along trying to make it through life. Where is the joy? What ever happened to the "joy of the Lord is our strength"?
Shep said to me, "Sometimes I feel like joy is a million miles away". I agree. What is wrong here?

Anyway...I am going to march forward and continue to believe God for something that I can't see and don't feel at all. I feel like at least by marching forward...that is a step of obedience in the right direction. And obedience (whether felt or not) brings blessing, right??

I have had many people concerned about me these past few days. So many calls and e-mails of encouragement. I am truly rich....not with money...but with amazing people I get to call friends (and family:>)
I want you all to know I really am o.k.
I just selfishly want things to feel better...and soon.
Can anyone else relate? I just want some of the pain to stop...you know the emotional stuff.
God spoke to me strongly through the first Esther video when Mrs. B was teaching...she said, "Seek God and His will is going to find you". I like that.
It is simple and something that I can tackle right now.

I can't do much. I certainly can't look far ahead or else I start freaking out.
But I can just seek Him.
I want to mean it when I say, "He should be enough".

Father, give me strength through the Holy Spirit within me to get up tomorrow and live the day. Give me ears to only hear You speaking to me. I am fragile and I need your steady hand to guide and sustain me. Help me love and give kindness to Shep and my sweet children. I want joy Lord. True joy...the kind that doesn't wane in difficult times. Show me how to get it.
I admit I can do nothing apart from you and I am tired of trying. Help my unbelief...