Don't want to...

which probably means...I should.

The past week or so has been pretty victorious for me. I have been fed by God's word and nurtured by His presence.

Today should be no different.

But...it is.

Have I moved??

It is weird.

I don't feel like I have moved. But, because I know God hasn't inched away from me, I must have moved.

Shep and I have had several unexpected "bumps in the road" the past few days. You know what I mean...things you just could never see coming.

I am embarrassed to say that here I slide back down into some despair.

Is it really that easy?

After over a week of victory, can slipping back down seem this effortless??

YES!!!!

I just want easy.
I just want simple.
I just want fun.
I just want ....and want....and want....and want...

Anyway, these are the days that we wish we didn't have. For me...they come along too often. Putting it out there means I have to own it and call it what it is...pride...again.

I want my way....not His.

His way feels too hard, too heavy, too frustrating, too much to handle.

Is it??

I thought His yoke was easy and His burden was light. I am trying to learn how all of this works. How do I exchange my heaviness for His lightness and my difficulty for His ease.

Don't know...not sure.

Ps. 27:13-14
"I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.


2 Corinthians 4:15-18
"All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

Lord, I don't understand these really yet I cling to them. I am weary. Forgive my pride and doubt...again. Help me live what these verses tell me to do. I don't know how. I feel like I fail so much I just want to quit while I am ahead. Show me Your ways. Encourage me with Your presence.