weakness

If you know me...you know I love to sing. (God allows me to use it as therapy)

I get the wonderful opportunity to sing on my praise team at church. I am surrounded by amazing talent and worshipful hearts. It is a blessing to say the least.

Singing is my gift and, at times, my greatest source of insecurity.

I don't read music AT ALL. I learn my parts by either hearing it naturally or someone has to sing it or play it for me.

So, even though I love to sing....I don't always feel like I do well at the technical end. But, God uses whatever he needs to keep us humble and needful of Him.

Last weekend we had a cd recording at our church. It was great! Our choir and praise team did 11 songs and we offered them to our Lord with joyful (and tired) hearts.

I had a solo that I had perform for this recording as well as another big solo to do for this upcoming Easter morning.

Wouldn't you know I get sick right smack in the midst of it.

I was a ball of nerves.
I fretted.
I worried.
I wallowed.
I tried.
I prayed.
As of Friday of last week, I had absolutely NO voice. I couldn't speak....how was I going to pull of singing????

So, I rested. Took medicine. Gargled (warm salty water, mom:>) I prayed some more.

I felt so helpless. So weak.

I finally just resolved that if I was not supposed to sing these songs then it would be ok.

Well, Sunday morning I woke up and could talk. I could marginally sing.

However, God did a miracle.

2 Corinthians 12:9 says, "My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

Well, that was Sunday morning in a nutshell.

He spoke that verse to me.

I worred no more.
The anxiety was gone.
The need to sing perfectly went away.

I knew He would show up and do what needed to be done through that song. And He did....
I had to sing it 3 times not counting practices and my voice held the whole time.

That was miraculous. No one else may have known, but I sure did!! I praised Him with all of my being!

As this week started I could feel that I wasn't getting better....if anything, I felt worse.

So, I headed to the doctor.

As I thought....it was a sinus infection.

So, now I am using steroids and antibiotics to get better. However, it is Wednesday and my voice is nowhere near 100 percent.

I feel the anxiety brewing as I know I have to go practice and sing in front of my peers. The insecure thoughts toy at my mind but again I am reminded of 2 Corinthians 12:9.

If I must continue in physical weakness with my voice....I KNOW that Christ will reign in PERFECTION through all of it.

These are the kinds of field trips that He loves to take me on.

He comes through....not early (when I want Him to) but usually right at show time!

Embracing weakness is the hard part. Watching His power show up and take over.....PRICELESS!!