Opportunities to be overwhelmed

It is funny because I have had several opportunities in a very short amount of time (like 3 days) to be overwhelmed in very different ways.

Sometimes life rocks on in the mundane sort of way. Breakfast, work, school, laundry, homework, errands, bath, and bedtime seem to be the routine of every single day.

But then unexpected things happen and your reality shifts.

Tears fall.
Your breath is taken away.
Dinner doesn't make it to the oven.
Schedules have to be changed.
Changes to your budget have to be made.

We have all experienced this. This is life. We moan about the mundane until something happens to shake us up....and then we are longing for the mundane days once again.

I will confess that I have given in to the sin of worry and unbelief during a few of these overwhelming moments.

I didn't stay there though.

The Holy Spirit gently nudged me onward and upward.

Here they are...I am pretty sure that it is obvious to distinguish the times of sin, sadness, strength, and sheer delight.

Tuesday, January 3rd 2012 at 12:25 pm I received a phone call from a dear friend. Her voice is different. I immediately know something is wrong. She says, "Kim's mother is dead." I just sat there. If you follow this blog then you know that this same Kim is a girl that I sing with on a regular basis. We are a part of a trio. AND her mother-in-law just passed away in early November. Now this......
I know how close she is to her mom. I know how close her children are to their grandmother. How could this be? Her mother was only 59 years old? The shock of it nearly knocked my breath away. I immediately began to pray for God to intervene and hold them as only He could. But I felt so small and insignificant. My prayers felt useless. This overwhelming devastation began to creep over me. It was like I was becoming overwhelmed for my friend.

Well, nothing about that is good. I needed to be an advocate for her in prayer. Hope is ours to have no matter how hurt we may be. This situation was awful. The heartache was real. I could pray when my friend could not.

Wednesday, January 4th 2012 at 2:30 pm Ava runs to my car with a pained expression on her face. "Momma," she says, "_______'s brother said that Caroline is ugly in her wheelchair." Sensing her hurt I begin to explain that his words are wrong and very hurtful. Going on she says, "Momma, I see the ugly faces people make at Caroline when she drools. I don't like it."

Mind you~Ava has NEVER mentioned any of this before. Ever.

I got to tell you that my heart was bursting with pride and I was overwhelmed with pleasure over my 6 year old's fiercely insightful and protective heart. She has begun to notice the uncomfortable part of having a severely disabled sister that people stare at and talk about. I love that she doesn't like their responses. I love it that she keeps it that simple. She and I went on to have a very interesting conversation. One I hope to remember and cherish for a long time.

I struggled as a mother to help Ava navigate through these tough waters. I did the best I could to answer her questions but truthfully God has allowed her to live this life with these circumstances. She has been chosen to be Caroline's sister. A calling that has been both rewarding and really hard. The way she responds to Caroline and those who are mean will help shape her into the godly woman that she will one day be. So I offered insight but I really wanted her to feel and experience the weight of it because that is the best way we learn and remember.

Wednesday, January 4th 2012 late evening I sat talking with Shep over the many financial hurdles that we have jumped for the past couple of years. Unfortunately it seems that there are still many more ahead of us. This economy has crippled so many people and we are just like many others who have felt the pressure of "too much month at the end of the money." When we sit and look at it on paper I immediately start rubbing my temples and fill the uneasiness settle over me. The situation seems endless. The possibility to get ahead seems impossible. BUT God has provided miraculously so far and I believe He will continue to do the same. But at that moment the overwhelming "What if's" started making their way from my mind to my mouth and before I knew it I had us as paupers living on the street.

Silly I know. But I bet you can relate in some way. Our fears get the best of us sometimes and we give in to how we feel.

Fortunately Shep began to testify to God's goodness and grace. The fact that we have made it this far speaks to God's provision. He is to be praised. Instead of focusing on what-could-but-may-not come I should look to His Word and stand firm upon it. I stood corrected.

Thursday, January 5th, 2012 8:40 am I quietly entered a room in our church. I was about to kick off our brand new study of James by Beth Moore. The women would be arriving soon and I always sneak away to pray and make myself ready before the Lord. As I dropped to my knees in this familiar place I was immediately moved to tears. Suddenly I was overwhelmed at the journey that God and I have walked together for the past 10 years. It has been no secret that Caroline's birth catapulted me into a serious desperation for God and His Word. Bible study has been my lifeline. It has kept me sane....and thriving. It occurred to me that I had done Bible study in this very hallway for the past 7 years. Those rooms held my secrets. Those walls had seen my tears and my vulnerability. It seems that I learned to walk on steady spiritual legs in that hallway. With each study God had and was making into a woman of faith. I have so far to go but I can look over my shoulder and see the fruit.

It was an intimate and sacred moment with my Lord. It was as if He was saying, "Here we go again, girl. But let's reflect on all you have let me do in your life."

See I can remember fighting Him most of the way. I can remember when I wore bitterness like a garment. I can remember when my faith was just about salvation and not my way of life. I remember when I only picked up the bible for church on Sundays. I remember when the truth of God's Word began to really penetrate and break through my depression. I remember when I realized God really was trustworthy. I remember when He began to speak to my heart.

I was overwhelmed and undone before Him. It was marvelous.