Painfully Aware

I wish I could tell you that things have been hugely better since last Friday.

They aren't.

Just a hard time right now I guess.

God has and is using this time to show me something though.

As I grow in Him, I imagine myself somehow becoming stronger and stronger so that I can walk on my own.

Does that sound familiar to you?

Why do we believe that is so?

If that were true...we would grow ourselves spiritually right out of having any relationship with Jesus. His desire is relationship. So, of course, He will use difficulties to draw us back...over and over.

Do we think that true strength is proudly displaying our sure and steady walk both in and outside our house walls?

I think it is a lie that we have bought into.

I know I have....hook, line, and sinker.

I think such things as, "If I can just get stronger spiritually...then I will be able to get a better grip on things in my life."

Wrong.

I don't think God ever desires for us to get a better grip on our lives. He wants us to constantly be handing our lives over to Him...with no grip at all.

As hard days chip away at my strength...God is saying something here.

"Andrea, see that strength slipping away?"

-Yes

"Come running back to me and get more. You are powerless on your own."

-But I have been praying more, growing more, memorizing scripture and spending more time in Your Word. How am I not stronger than this? Why do I need so much of You so often? Why am I so pitifully weak?"

"Because the closer you get to Me the more aware you become of your weakness. In my economy weakness is strength. It pushes you to realize you need Me. Your awareness creates an ache that only I can soothe."

These are some of the conversations that God and I have been having lately as I have pleaded for Him to rescue me from some of these rough days.

This morning His still small (but resounding) voice spoke again.

"Andrea, you know that song you sing about Me called How Deep the Father's Love?"

-Yes

"There is a line that says, 'I will not boast in anything, no gifts, no power, no wisdom. But I will boast in Jesus Christ, His death and resurrection.' How can I keep you from boasting in your own strength instead of My strength?"

-I don't want to answer this Lord.

"Yes, I know. But learning to boast only in Me requires hardships. Sometimes even hardship upon hardship. You are getting stronger....but not on your own. You are getting stronger in Me. Running to me every moment is NOT weakness. It is strength."

So I end with this.

Right this moment I am boasting in Jesus Christ alone.

I was able to get out of bed because of Jesus.
I was able to get dressed and do my wife and mom duties because of Jesus.
I am sitting here typing this because of Jesus.

God willing the rest of this day will be lived out because of Jesus alone.

Any strength I have is because of Him.

Judges 7:2 "The Lord said to Gideon, 'You have too many men for me to deliver Midian into their hands. In order that Israel may not boast against me that her own strength has saved her,"

This story beautifully speaks of what I am trying, somewhat clumsily, to say.

If you read in Judges chapter 7 God had a plan for the Israelite army to take Midian into their hands. But He created hardship upon hardship so that the strength would come from Him alone. He continued to decrease the size of Israel's army until they seemed like an easy foe to beat. From thousands to only 300....and hopefully you know the end of the story. God won!