Heavy

I shy away from blog posts like this.

They are very relevant and needed. But who wants to reveal the truth about themselves?  I keep hoping that I can be quiet and let it pass and then blog about something more fun and less serious.  But, sometimes, that isn't real life.

Today (and yesterday) I was heavy.

Not heavy as in I just ate way too many potato chips or cupcakes.  But heavy...

like I just jumped in a pool with all of my clothes on.

THAT KIND OF HEAVY.

Normally you don't feel the weight of your clothes.  They just move with you.  They feel second nature to the skin you are in. 

But when all of your clothes get sopping wet.  You feel them.  They are heavy and cumbersome.  You want to get them off of you as soon as possible.  They are weighing you down.
(This happened to me on several youth and college trips growing up.  The guys always thought the definition of fun was to find us girls and push us in the pool.  Of course the fact that we were fully dressed, shoes on, make-up in tact, and jewelry jingling always made it even better.)

But THAT is how I feel today.

Of course I am miles away from the nearest pool.  But today I am feeling the weights of several burdens.  Of course I am doing what God tells us to do.

PRAYING
CRYING OUT TO GOD
STILLING MY HEART TO LISTEN
PRAISING
ENCOURAGING

But still the heaviness hangs around.  I desperately want to understand this truth of unloading on Christ.  He tells us to let Him carry our burdens.

Matthew 11: 28-30 says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my burden is easy and my yoke is light."

I look at those verses and think to myself.  "This sounds good, great even.  But how, Lord?"

Looking at them again I am struck fresh by the command of the first three words..."Come to me".

Maybe that's what I am doing. 

Praying.  Crying out.  Stilling my heart to listen.  Praising Him in spite of it.  Encouraging other to believe.

Could all of those things be involved in "Come to me"?

I am gonna believe that it is exactly that.

Lord I come to You.  You alone know the nagging thoughts that linger and never seem to leave.  You tell me to give these things to You.  I am struggling but trying to do just that.  I believe that sometimes you allow us to feel things deeply so that we can better understand and help others in need.  I hate this heaviness that hangs on me.  Take it Father.  Weary and burdened describe me perfectly.  I want Your rest.  I desire to learn from You...to be gentle and humble in heart.  Teach me the right way.  Trusting You seems to be a new battle every day.  I hate that about myself.  But I know that You are faithful and true.  My feelings change like the wind...but You remain.  I rejoice in that when there is nothing else...