Shut up.

This has been a fast week for some reason.

As I reflect on this Friday I wonder when the moments slipped past. But there were a few days that stand out.

Maybe it would be more accurate to say that there have been some STAND OUT God moments this week.

His Word tells us that He is always with us. But I do believe that there are certain times when He allows us to sense Him in more profound ways.

The phone conversation with my friend was certainly one of those times.

But He didn't stop there.

As Tuesday evening drew to a close I climbed into bed and thought about all that had happened that day.

My heart was still so tender toward His ways and his answered prayer in my life that day. First, with my friend. But an additional phone conversation had occurred as well.

With a different person and for a very different purpose.

It was a phone call I knew had to eventually happen but one I had been dreading. It was a confrontation, of sorts. But the person on the other end was someone I loved, admired, respected, and trusted.

God had specifically told me (and Shep) the position I was to have.
I was not to move or bend in the slightest.

But it was hard and even rethinking about it now makes my belly ache.

My instructions from God were to speak what He has told me. Nothing less. Nothing more.

BUT LET ME JUST SAY....God was so good and gracious in that phone call.

He exchanged my trembling knees for some steady ones and helped me speak with love, truth, and boldness.

Isn't that His way?

Sometimes He fights the battle for me. Other times He shows off Himself in a pitiful vessel like me.

So, anyway, I just sat in bed soaking in all that He had done. Emotionally drained. But not yet sleepy.

My thoughts began to once again chant inside my head.

"Why am I being so 'out there' with what I believe?"
"Who says I have to be so bold about His promise regarding Caroline?"
"Am I crazy?"
"I mean really....only a crazy person would believe and TELL people that their almost 10 year old daughter would be completely healed."
"I could just shut up about it."
"I could just shut up period."
"I could stop blogging."
"I wouldn't have to worry about all of these hard confrontations anymore."
"Shutting up would definitely be easier."
"God isn't gonna care if I just hold my faith inside."
"I can still believe it without declaring it to everyone, right?"


With those thoughts still lingering, I opened up my bible study.

The bible passage was familiar but spoken in a different way. It was straight from the book of Matthew but the version was from The Message.

As my thoughts screamed for me to shut up about this faith. God's message was very different.

^{Matthew 5: 14-16}"Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.

I don't think He could have spoken any more clear or direct. Do you?

But still.

Shutting up seemed easier.

Maybe I could come to a compromise....be open about my faith in God just shut up about Him healing Caroline.

So- I went to sleep having mentally struck a deal with God.

I would be like a city on a hill and openly proclaim faith in my Savior but keep the crazy, unbelievable, impossible faith stuff about her healing to myself.

Night night.

But then came the morning. He was waiting. He had something even more specific to say.

I opened up my morning devotional and almost gasped at the scripture staring back at me.

Matthew 10:27 "What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs."

Deal is off.

Shutting up is not an option.

What He has whispered over and over and over and over during the darkest times is for me (and Shep) to continue to believe this crazy thing.

Still secretly wishing for a muzzle; I will accept (with aching belly) the call of a megaphone.