While I was in St. Vincent a few weeks ago God had a very specific message for me in His Word. We had been working through Kelly Minter's study of Nehemiah with our Ladies Summer study. Not wanting to get behind, I took the study with me and worked on it during my spare time.
As I sat cross-legged on my twin, pitiful, smelly, unstable (albeit sufficient) bed God literally let a verse in Nehemiah chapter 9 yell at me from the page of His holy Word.
Verse 28 says, "But as soon as they were at rest, they again did what was evil in your sight."
BAM!
It might as well have slapped me cold.
This verse is just one of many in a sequence describing in detail Israel's fickle cycle toward God.
Walk with God...............Sin.........Reap Consequences..........Cry out to God.......repeat again and again....
Does this look familiar maybe even in your own life? Yes, mine too.
Anyway as I sat there over 2000 miles away from home, God was giving me a warning for when I returned home.
I mentioned in a previous post that I don't have a current plan for my life at the moment. All three of my children are in school. I am teaching bible study and volunteering. Other than that I want to be free to obey God's direction and minister to others even on a whim. I feel like He has something that is coming that hasn't been made known to me just yet.
Now in a perfect world that would not even be questioned.
However we don't live in a perfect world. We have financial worries and woes that all but suck the life out of us on most days.
These mountains seem enormous and looming. One after the other...as far as the eye can see.
So what I want to do is go into fix mode.
I say to myself. " I will go get a job. I need to help. I need to do...something."
Others have even joined in my chant. "Hey Andrea are you going start teaching again?"
The only problem with these options is the very thing that God warned me about in St. Vincent. "But as soon as they were at rest, they again did what was evil in your sight."
Ok I am sure you are wondering what these thoughts and this verse have to do with each other. Well, I will try my best to explain. My "rest" is falling back into patterns of fear, worry, and doubt. See when I am not actively resisting the enemy then I am allowing his thoughts to affect me way too much. And in my specific case this "rest" is the fear, worry, and doubt that will cause me to try to fix a situation instead of waiting on God like He has asked me to.
So I realize this wouldn't be what most would call evil. But it would be contradictory to what God has said to Shep and me. Evil is a bit harsh....but still disobedience is just that at its very root. Harsh.
Once again I find myself doing the opposite of what feels right. As I wait on God I ignore every single plea from the common sense part of my brain.
Instead I rely on God's Word and prayer.
Tough stuff.
This time, because of God's advance warning, I have been intentional about fighting back too. Sometimes (and a lot in the not-so-distant past) I would experience an onslaught in this way and immediately give in to the hopelessness of it. Don't get me wrong~ there is huge part of me (more than I like to admit) that wants to lay down and cease fighting. However, I know better. That may feel easier at the time but doing that just gives way to ultimate defeat. God and I have come way too far. So my game is on. Even with tears streaming down my face...the game is on.
I pray.
I say scripture.
I pray.
I say scripture.
I pray for others.
I enlist strong friends and family to intercede for me.
I pray.
I say scripture.
I jam out to praise music.
I pray.
I say scripture.
I dare to hope in my God.
(I know I have said this before but let me re-state it just for the record. Shep is so with me here. His opinion matters the most to me of anyone on this Earth. Other than God Almighty, Shep is my compass. He has encouraged me to sit tight and trust God. His leadership in our marriage is strong and kind. I love that He is intentional about being Spirit led. I am his biggest fan!)
Psalms 130:5-6 "I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning."
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