Finding my way

Shep was gone this past weekend and it was a busy one.  He enjoyed a 4 night getaway with his brother and best friend.  They went fishing and had a ball.  I used to be such a jerk about him leaving.  Thankfully God is and has helped me with an attitude adjustment.

We all need a break.  And Shep is always always so accommodating when I have a special trip planned.

But, like I said, it was a crazy busy weekend.

Zeke had his first two soccer games.  Ava had her first ever classroom project to present.  My trio got to sing for our Relay for Life event.  Ava had an eye exam and a fitting for new glasses...not to mention church, teaching Sunday school, singing in the choir, and running errands in between.

My mom and dad came and helped a good bit along with our sweet Linda.

Needless to say, I don't sleep well when Shep is gone....and this time was no exception.  My mind kept racing.  I heard every noise that our house makes.  Plus Caroline woke me up off and on every single night.

The time ended up flying by just because we were so busy.  I don't know that that is a good thing.  But it was still the case.

Saturday afternoon my mom and I had a chance to slip off for a few hours and spend some time together.  It  was good.  It always is.  My mom and I have always had a great relationship (especially if you skip over the 3 rough middle school years :).

I don't give very many people the right to speak into my life.  It has to be someone I trust and respect.  She has the right.  Even if I disagree with what she says, she is my mom.  I trust her.  I know her love for me.  She has proven herself for the past 35 years. Again I may not agree, but I listen and respect her voice and wisdom.

She began to express some concern over me.  Her words hit a soft spot. She had noticed my fatigue, irritability, heaviness, and inability to lighten up or unwind.

As she spoke I found myself feeling judged and offended.

If you don't know me then you don't know that usually what I feel comes across on my face.  It is very difficult for me to conceal my feelings.  So she knew that I was hurt.

It wasn't that I was angry for her pointing these things out.  It was that I knew she was right and I didn't know what to do about it.

Sometimes....things just are the way they are.

Well mom and I are absolutely fine.  I heard her heart for me.  There is no lingering aggravation toward her at all.  In fact I took her concern and brought it before God.

I told God that everything she observed and noticed about me was true.  But I didn't know how to change it.

This is what I felt like He spoke back to me...

I am giving you a season of rest.  
For 10 years you have worked and reared your children while they were little.
Now they are all in school.  
I am giving you these blocks of time for your soul to rest and refuel.
It is a rest from the past 10 years and a rest for the next season of your life.

It was incredibly freeing for me.
I have felt guilty about being at home, or volunteering, or not getting a job.
I have been overly concerned about what others think or say about me.


The truth is....this is hard for me.  When you have gone from always having a child in your hand or something you were doing, a lot free time can be scary and even intimidating.

So now I am trying to find my way in this season.  If rest is what God wants for me then I want to soak it up.

He certainly has not called me to a fruitless season just maybe a slowed-down pace.  My prayer is that I will cooperate.  I tend to want to takeover and not trust God.  Only God could take a season of rest and make it one of the most productive times of your life.  He is just good like that!

"He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters
He restores my soul."  Psalms 23