The Choice to Believe

This entire blog began because of a choice.

My husband and I believe God has told us that He is going to heal our daughter.

We choose to believe this.

Many people, even some of you, can choose to think we are nuts.

That is ok. 

The beauty of free will is that it truly is a choice.

This blog was born because I needed an outlet.  God nudged me that He thought others needed to see someone being real about the ugly parts of the Christian faith....you know the ugly parts.

The ones we mask and smile over. 

Discouragement.  Doubt.  Fear.  Anger.  Hopelessness.  Loneliness. 

The list isn't pretty.

But it is real.

Trying to live in this real world and believe God's promise to us seems like an oxymoron all the time.

So....this blog helps me do both:  live and believe.

I have written numerous times about the severity of my daughter's physical handicaps. 

She has Cerebral Palsy due to a birth injury.

She is completely dependent on others for her life.

She cannot speak.  She cannot walk.  She cannot talk.  She cannot sit.  She cannot eat. 

Did you see that?!?

For almost 10 and a half years this girl of mine hasn't been able to eat.

She is g-tube dependent for nourishment.

She has received speech therapy.  We have tried to force feed.  We have ruined many shirts watching the food we push in....fall right out again.

Nothing has ever resulted in success.

Until about two weeks ago.......

Caroline has gone through stages in the past of being a little bit interested in food.  She would want a little tiny bit of what we were eating but it would usually fall out of her mouth.  There has NEVER been sustained eating.  NEVER. 

Now there is.

She wants us to put food in her mouth all the time.

Pie, cake, pop tarts, maccaroni, pizza, yogurt, oatmeal, pork loin, cereal....you name it...she wants it.

She chews as best as she can and she swallows with beautiful ease.

This week we have even begun to give her milk and water through a medicine dropper for drinking.

This is a  MIRACLE.

God has told us that He is going to heal our girl.

I have no idea how that is going to look. 

But I feel like this is a piece of it.

Of course I want it to come all at once.  I want her to sit up, stand, run, dance, sing, talk and eat all at the same moment but that may not be God's plan.

So....will I praise Him for this little piece of a miracle?

Or will I deny the glory of what is happening?

Will I brush it off and make it seem small and insignificant?

What I can tell you with absolute confidence is this:  My girl DID NOT eat.....now she DOES.

I am going to choose to believe this is miraculous.

I also choose to believe that there is more to come.....

John 12:37  "Even after Jesus had performed so many signs in their presence, they still would not believe in him."

This verse haunts me.  I am tempted to do this same thing.

Although I am witnessing a wonder with my daughter...there is a part of me that denies the miraculous aspect of it. 

That is why the choice to believe in the midst of conflicting feelings is so important.

I choose faith.
I choose to see the wonder in this.
I choose to believe.