~Prayer~ I haven't a clue....

Some things I believe God has to produce within us.

In other words, even if we wanted to possess it on our own, we couldn't.

That is me when it comes to prayer.

I have followed Jesus since the tender age of nine.  Worship has come easy for me.  Service to God has been a work in progress.  Devotion to God has matured and deepened over time.  Desperation for God was birthed out of severe pain and depression.

But prayer...I seem to want to run in the opposite direction.

First~ it is very hard to get me to be still and focus for any length of time.

Second~I want instant results.

Finally~ it is the hardest discipline I have ever attempted.

Over the past 4 years I have watched God perform a cool miracle in my husband.

The Holy Spirit placed a deep yearning within him to pray one morning after National Day of Prayer.  I believe it was in 2009.

God moved in his heart to step up his prayer life.

Not just "before meal" prayers or "emergency" prayers or "routine" prayers....I believe the Holy Spirit wanted to literally change Shep into a man of prayer.

It did not happen over night.
It has (and is) taken years.

But I have witnessed this for myself.

My man prays.

He seeks God about everything.
He sets aside time each day.
He places it as a priority in our home.
He talks about the ways God gently speaks or nudges him throughout the day.

As a witness of this I want it too.

Since January I have asked God to make me into a woman who prays.

I really want my life to be marked by His power and anointing.  But, the truth is, I want it the easy way.

I don't want to discipline myself and develop a prayer life with God.

But God knows the desire of my heart is really deeper than the weakness of my flesh so He has graciously helped and given me the appropriate boosts.

Shep and I do a devotion and prayer every morning.

Honestly I wanted that to be enough.  I wanted to ride the coat tails of Shep's discipline and receive rewards.

But God put something inside of me that I can't explain.  It truly is a mystery.

I am really wanting to pray.

I haven't a clue what I am doing.

I know the "before meal" prayers and the "emergency" prayers and of course, the "bless this or that, protect us, please heal, and lead, guide, and direct us" prayers.

But what He is doing is something different.

He is teaching me.  Every day it looks a little different.

Some days I sit and sing before Him.
Some days I cry and pour my heart out for truly selfish desires.
Other days I intercede and cry out on behalf of others.
Still other times I do a mixture of all three.

But here is what I am finding:  I genuinely want to.

If I miss a day.  I really miss my time with Him.

Isn't that just so cool?!?

This morning I was reminded that being clueless in this area really is ok.

Thankfully "...the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." (Romans 8:26)

I will leave you with a final scripture that I have been devouring over the past week.

I believe it is taking root deep in my heart and I cannot wait to see what God does with it in the future...Psalm 25:14 says:

The secret of the Lord is with him (or her) that fear him, and he will show them his covenant.  -KJV

The Lord tells his secrets to those who respect him, he tells them about his agreement. -New Century Version

God-friendship is for God-worshipers; they are the ones he confides in.  -The Message

I want God to share secrets with me.  I want to be among those that he confides in.

Prayer seems to be the only way.

Lord, teach your clueless servant.  Show me how to pray.