God's Light~ My Encounter

Two nights ago I crawled into bed in a fowl temper.

Some nights I can work through it.
Other nights I don't even hear it.
Most nights I am numb to the annoyance.

But that night I was just plain mad.

For the past 7 or 8 (I have lost count) months Caroline has come to loathe bedtime.

She is 11 years old.  Bedtime is not new to her.  She is so tired at the end of the day and will even fall asleep on the floor.  But when we put her into bed she gets frustrated and angry.  What seems like simple childish irritability soon turns into full blown fits.

There are usually no tears at all.  Just lots and lots of screaming.

We have tried everything.  EVERYTHING.

I am not even going to list out all we have tried....it would take all day.  

Usually she gives in after about 2 hours of fit pitching....sometimes longer sometimes shorter.

Meanwhile we are trying to make sure our other 2 children get to bed okay and that we don't lose our own minds in the background noise of Caroline's shrill screams.

(For the record our other 2 kiddos sleep like logs through all of this....so Yay for that!)

Two nights ago the anger just won.  I threw my hands up in surrender to it.

As I yanked the covers almost over my head I screamed to God with my heart, "Why can't You help her stop this?  We have prayed every night.  Nothing seems to work.  We are exhausted with this routine.  Please show us what to do...how to help her.  Do these prayers work at all?  Do you hear this Lord?"

Sleep took over but as soon as the alarm clock went off the next morning the same thoughts jockeyed for  position in my mind.  "God why don't you help us?  You tell us to pray and you will answer.  Why aren't you answering our prayer?"  

I hated feeling this way...but it was the truth.  My attitude was a little mad still but mostly I wanted to know that God was in it somehow.

His Word says He never leaves us.  His Word says He turns His ear toward us. His Word says that our faith pleases Him. 

We were continually taking this issue to Him in prayer and the resounding answer seemed to be silence.

I am not good with silence.  I want answers.

Friday came and went with its things to get done but the questions from the night before kept me rattled.

As soon as I could get a few moments of quiet I decided to do what I knew to do.

Pray in spite of my doubts.
Get in the Word and let it speak Truth to the lies that kept pervading my thoughts.

The weather was completely nasty.  Rainy, overcast and gray.  The kids were situated and quiet. Now was my chance.

I didn't dare even turn on a lamp.

I just took the moments that were given and grabbed my bible.

I slid down the wall of my bedroom and sat with my knees up and back to the wall.

The devotion took me to Revelation chap 3.  Verse 11 spoke a strong directive to my heart, "hold on to what you have, so that no one will take your crown".

I have no idea what my crown even is.  But I sensed God saying to actively hold on to the faith that He has placed within me.  Hold on tight.  The enemy does his best to steal it away...we I must hold on tight.

Then I went to the book of Colossians.  Our ladies bible study has centered around the awesome book for the past 6 weeks.  As I began to read in chapter 1 the coolest thing happened....the dark room was invaded by 2 perfect rays of sunshine.

One ray fell directly upon my bible.  The other ray landed perfectly upon my face.

There in utter darkness...God put His light of love directly upon me...his child.  His angry and frustrated child.

I sat as still as possible.  If I moved at all I was no longer in the light.  So I just sat and soaked it up.

There in the quiet, God' presence settled upon me.

The answer to my question no longer mattered.  He was there.  With me.

I took these pictures with my phone to show others (and remind myself in the future) that His light is stronger than any darkness.

I hope you can see that all around me was dark and shadows.  His light landed upon my face and His word.

It was as if He was saying...."Stay in this Holy book daughter.  Do not deter to the left or the right.  Don't let questions and doubts shake the faith that I have built within you.  Stay.  Stand.  Persevere".

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness cannot can never extinguish it. John 1:5 NLT