I stand corrected...

First of all, I need to say "thank you" to those voices of my friends who have really encouraged me to be "real". I try to be a very transparent person anyway, but lately I have been a little less than truthful on this blog.
I have NOT lied in any way, but I also have not disclosed details of the feelings of hopelessness and doubt that have loomed over me in the last few weeks. I try to use this blog as a vehicle to voice my thoughts and show snapshots of my life. However, life is ever-changing. Some days we are dancing wild and free on the mountaintops...other days, we are clinging to His Word for breath and life to get us through the day. This may seem un-stable to some people and it is the very reason that I have NOT wanted to write about my struggles. But, as I think more about it, I believe I am doing anyone who reads this blog a grand injustice if I seem like every day I am doing great. Don't get me wrong....the goal for the Christian is to live victoriously. How that may look is different and can depend on the day. We never know what we will face in a day. Some times we get amazing news, some days are mundane and monotonous, other days may hold un-believable sorrow. Does God expect us to "act happy" in the face of all circumstances???
NO! NO! NO! How is that authentic? How does that speak to a lost world? He created us with an entire range of emotions...I can promise you from experience that we need to feel those different emotions. If we don't then we lose our ability to relate to others who are hurting.

This past week I have fallen prey to the enemy's lies that my LORD does NOT want to hear my pleas anymore. Because I have listened to his lies, I found myself becoming isolated and sad. (which is exactly what he wanted me to do) I felt like I couldn't go to God and ask Him again about Caroline and her healing. I felt like He was tired of hearing about it. I finally fell at His feet and asked Him to speak either directly to me for encouragement or to Shep. This morning He answered that prayer by speaking to Shep. Shep shared a devotion with me this morning about talking to God about what He has promised us....even if it is the 1 millionth time. HE NEVER TIRES OF US TALKING TO HIM...EVEN ABOUT THE SAME THINGS! He shared that with me no less than 10 minutes after me praying to God about it.

So, I am going to try to be more honest. If you (anyone who happens to read this blog) don't want to read my whining about the same old things...then by all means....don't. I need to say that every day is difficult. Believing that my little girl who cannot eat, walk, talk, play, sing, or sit is going to be miraculously made whole is a tall order. But, I am bound to believe by the One who has told me that He is going to do it. So...I do believe and wait for the impossible to happen. But, in the mean time, I have bad days----lots of them. Faithful and victorious living isn't about excluding the emotions....but in spite of the emotions...continuing to move forward. Taking each step forward that you can't even see.

Some things that you can pray for me (and Shep):

-perseverence and patience

-consistency in the Word and in prayer

-protection against the enemy and his lies (ex. he always tells us that Caroline won't be healed and that we really haven't heard from God for the last 6 1/2 years)

-increased awareness of God's voice and activity in and around our lives

-opportunities to touch other people for Christ through this struggle

-quiet submission and trust for His timing and His plan to unfold

Thank you for all of you who read this blog that I don't know about...it may just be your prayers that have gotten me through many days. I am so grateful for the family of God....to Him be praised!!