East to West

(I have changed the opening song on my playlist....turn up your speaker to hear...it is very appropriate)


It is the mid-point of Spring Break week. I don' t know if I am more excited that half of it is behind me or I only have half of it left.

I haven't written in a few days because nothing that I have had to say would merit being memorialized on this blog...it has been a rough few days.

Certain events make me come face-to-face with my reality.

Spring Break is one of those events as well as Christmas break and summer break. It isn't being at home with my children. They are the delight of my life and they are pretty easy kids. It is the stark realization that I am trapped here. I can't physically go out and DO things with my kids....Zeke and Caroline require major hands-on attention. There is no possible way I can (with sanity) do outings while carrying a 10 month old, watching a 4 year old, and steering the wheelchair of my almost 7 year old.

Now.....(before my friends start calling me) I can most definitely do this with help.

I have said before that my close friends are like no one I know. They tend to me and take care of me. If I called any one of them and said I want to go to Chik-fil-A...they would really try to make that happen. They help me all the time.

But....there is that stark reality again....I don't want to have to depend on someone else to do typical "mom" things.

So, I just stay in. I barricade myself behind closed doors. I cry out to God and usually end up in the fetal position crying.

These are those times when I think..."Am I in the right line, Lord?" "Is the healing really coming?" Will it always be this way?"


The answer is "of course not!" I know this! But our reality can smother us and press in so close that anything other than what we see and feel right now is just an oh-so-distant fairy tale.


See...this is why I haven't written in a few days. Don't think for a second that because my fingers haven't been typing that I haven't been praying and seeking....
I have done much of that. Some of it has been during various home projects or folding laundry or just pitching BIG FITS with God.

So, enough of all that.

This Sunday, Easter, I have been asked to sing back-up for one of our guys in the Casting Crown's song "East to West".(It will be the offertory song at our church) As I have practiced all week...my soul has been tended to by the words of this powerful song.

I just wanted to post a few of the lyrics that have tended to my soul:

"The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest

Jesus, can You show me just how far the east is from the west
'cause I can't bear to see the man I've been come rising up in me again

I start the day, the war begins, endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again Your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in

I can't live by what I feel, but by the truth your Word reveals
I'm not holding on to You, but You're holding on to me"


I am so grateful that there are songs available that so accurately say what we wish we could pray. This is mine for now...