My ideal me

Anyone else wish they were the ideal version of themselves??

It is too funny. I will be sitting in Sunday school, Bible study, or our Sunday worship service and I will begin planning grand plans for how godly I plan to be that day or that week. Can anyone say A.D.D.?

I will picture myself with my scripture memory cards...tattered from constant use.
I will picture myself elbow deep in intense Bible study with commentaries to boot.
I will picture myself on my face in the kind of prayer that would make any Christian proud.
I will picture myself as the sweet, strong, submissive, and silly wife.
I will picture myself as the perfect mom....never having an impatent tone or wishing I could ship my children off to the nearest set of grandparents.
I will picture myself full of wisdom for my friends.
I will picture myself being the ever-humble servant.

Then I leave that Sunday school class or Bible study and I am suddenly hit with too little time and too much Andrea.

Oh how I want to be THAT version of me.

Today in our Esther study, Beth told us that we were fired. Completely fired and free from taking on God's responsibility.

God has called each and every one of us to something. Being typical messed-up people we go the step further and begin worrying (which is a SIN...we just don't call it that) about how we are going to do that calling and we feel responsible for making sure it turns out just right.

What gall?!?

I am only called to obedience. The ending is left up to my Jesus.

I have been so encouraged in this study of Esther. It is all about TIMING. We (or I) tend to think that God isn't aware of the time crunch we are in. That somehow the God who created TIME doesn't get it.

We can rest assured HE does. His timing is amazing. I am counting on it.

I will speak from experience and tell you that there have been many times over these last 6 years that I have told God that He has missed out on the best opportunity to heal Caroline.
-at church during a song about healing
-at healing services
-at family functions
-at friends homes
-at school

I feel like God would have the perfect stage at any one of these places to perform His miracle. So many people would be astounded....so many would have to testify to God's miraculous power...so many would possibly be saved.

He evidently hasn't agreed with me so far.

But, what I took from today is that I am FIRED from worrying over it. I don't need to try to create the perfect atmosphere to somehow manipulate God to act.

He knows when He will act. He knows where. He knows who will see and be amazed. He knows what will happen as a result.

I am just called to daily, hourly, minute by minute obedience. Jesus-help me!!
Sometimes the worrying (although sinful) seems easier.