Doesn't take much

Just wanted to give you an example of how quickly I can go from being on a faith high to suddenly becoming faith dry......just trying to be real.

Yesterday we were in the car and I was eavesdropping on Ava as she talked to her sister. Now Caroline cannot talk back to her. (she babbles, laughs, and looks at you...those are the ways that she communicates and she does it quite well)

Anyway, Ava wasn't deterred in her conversation with Caroline even though she was the only one really talking. She was asking Caroline different questions about her day and then giving her the rundown of all that she had done at her pre-school. I watched her in the rear view mirror as she held Caroline's hand and just interacted with her as if she had no idea or concern that Caroline is so handicapped.

Then she said, "Caroline, do you want to play princess with me....after you get healed?"

That was it! That was the moment! I went from high to dry right there.

My heart broke for many different reasons. I miss what I don't even know. Is that even possible...
-her voice saying words
-pictures of her standing up
-watching her dance in a recital
-seeing her enjoy birthday cake or ice cream
-watching her play princess with Ava

So, basically I just kind of died inside for the rest of the night. Sad...but true. I felt empty and hollow....brusied by a wound that just won't go away.

Well-that was then and this is now....new day...new mercies...

I cried out to God this morning and He led me to Psalm 77....I read it and knew it was Him.

The Message version says it this way:

Ps. 77: 1-15
"I yell out to my God, I yell with all my might, I yell at the top of my lungs. He listens.
I found myself in trouble and went looking for my Lord;
my life was an open wound that wouldn't heal.
When friends said, "Everything will turn out alright,"
I didn't believe a word they said.
I remember God-and shake my head.
I bow my head-then wring my hands.
I'm awake all night-not a wink of sleep;
I can't even say what is bothering me.
I go over the days one by one,
I ponder the years gone by.
I strum my lute all through the night,
wondering how to get my life together.

Will the Lord walk off and leave us for good?
Will he never smile again?
Is his love worn threadbare?
Has his salvation promise burned out?
Has God forgotten his manners?
Has he angrily stalked off and left us?
"Just my luck," I said. "The High God goes out of business just the moment I need him."

Once again I'll go over what God has done,
lay out on the table the ancient wonders;
I'll ponder all the things you've accomplished,
and give a long, loving look at your acts.

O God! Your way is holy!
No god is great like God!
You're the God who makes things happen;
you showed everyone what you can do-
You pulled your people out of the worst kind of trouble,
rescued the children of Jacob and Joseph"

There is more but I am out of time.......He is good!