"Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert..."

the remainder of that verse says..."to be tempted by the devil." Matt.4:1

Do you want to see your head spin???

Check out the verse just before this one....

"And a voice from heaven said, 'This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased'." Matt. 3:17

Did you catch that??? God was pleased with Jesus....so pleased in fact, that the Spirit thought He was ready for the desert.

*****desert-any area in which few forms of life can exist because of lack of water, permanent frost, or absence of soil; unsettled area; any place lacking in something (dictionary.com)

*****wilderness-difficulty of finding one's way because of barrenness (dictionary.com)

I have always heard these words thrown around in church. From what I have found...they pretty much paint the same picture.

In the past 2 days, God has made it abundantly clear that I am in the wilderness. He has sent three different people on separate occasions to speak this to me. This season that just won't end.....this hollowness....this emptiness....this hunger....this thirst....this desperation....it is what is intended.

He himself has confirmed it to me in John chapter 12...."and he (Jesus) hid himself from them..."

The good news is that deliverance is coming. There is an end somewhere. However, right now...I am in the thick of it.

I am encouraged to think of the power that emerged from Jesus' ministry after his wilderness experience. That helps me to press on and pray through the day.

You know that feeling this way, experiencing these unsettling feelings is so unnerving. But thinking that as a believer I should never feel this way is even worse.

Jesus had to do it....Paul had to do it....Job had to do it....Abraham had to do it....Joseph had to do it....

We act like that these great men of the faith must not have felt the same emotions as we do. I don't buy it...making light of the pain and struggle they dealt with only cheapens their hardship.
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Yes, they felt it. Every single step....

Listen to Paul.....2 Corin. 1:8 "We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death."

Listen to Jeremiah...Lamentations 3:2-3 "He has driven me away and made me walk in darkness rather than light; indeed, he has turned his hand against me again and again, all day long."

There are so many more...but I am trying to get to my point.

I desperately want out! I want to be rescued right now. That isn't the plan. So, I must rest in knowing that this season will end and I will exit as a closer follower of Jesus than when I entered.

This blog is my wailing wall. I feel that God asked me to be willing to live out the good, the bad, and ugly in front of you. I don't know who "you" are but hopefully you are encouraged by this. This is real, raw, and incredibly challenging. Not only do I have to be real with you before my God but I have to type it out to myself.

I am asking that God would give me His power, presence, and comfort in exchange for the answers that I want. I pray that this season ends soon because selfishly I am exhausted from it. If you are in your "wilderness" and you think you can't hold on much longer....know you are not alone.

I believe every single believer that yields to God will have a wilderness....not every every believer will yield though. I used to judge them for that but I understand now that no one wants to experience this place.

God, please use this time in my life to encourage others. Please let this blog stand as not just my wailing wall but as a walking testimony of one of your kids trying to get it right. Let others see You in my life even when I can't. I choose to accept that this is my season. Thank you for showing me that I am exactly where you would have me to be. Despite my confusion, I trust Your wisdom. Please God end this soon. My soul is weary and I long for brighter days.