Hope is my island....I am ready to get off!

Abraham has always been my hero of the faith.



I feel like God asked him to believe some pretty unbelievable things. Not unlike me....



God told him to leave everything familiar and just follow wherever God lead...

God told him he would be the father of a mighty nation...

God told him that he would have a son although he and his wife were years and years beyond child bearing...



The bible says in Romans 4:18-21 that "against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, 'So shall your offspring be.' Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead-since he was about a hundred years old- and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised."



I just wonder about something.



Did Abraham have days that he hated hope?


I don't mean any disrespect to my God or my hero. However, let's be real. Many days passed when nothing happened. It seemed like nothing would ever happen. I am sure Abraham would have loved for God to appear to him every single day and reassure him of his original promise and plan. The flames of his faith would have remained high and hot. But we know the story....he tried to make God's plan happen on his own. So I guess this answers my question. I guess he did hate hope sometimes.

Here is where I am going with this.

The year anniversary of June 12th is coming up. It prompts many negative and disappointing emotions for me. I expected so much last year. I hoped BIG last year. I believed with everything I had.

It didn't happen.

In fact, this past year has been the hardest and most challenging year I have ever lived. I start re-asking all the questions. How did we miss you God? Did we do something wrong? Have the last 8 years been nothing but a sham based on our own selfish desires.

This morning I woke up already drowning in the despair of all of this.

It was no coincidence that I was to give my testimony today.....

So, I cried out to God and told him that I hated this hope that I so desperately cling to.

He gave me a word and a mental picture in my mind. He gave it with no condemnation or disappointment in me. Just understanding and kindness...

He said...."Hope is the island you live on. You shipwrecked there 8 years ago. You were so glad to find that island. You thrived on it. It fed you. It nourished you. It protected you. It gave you solid land to plant you feet on. Now, after 8 years you are tired of the very thing that gives you life. I understand. You want to leave this island....it isn't time yet. You are tempted to jump off of the rocks and see where the sea will take you...but you know you will die without hope. So you stay on the island. You are confused. You are lonely. You long for other things to look at. You feel like you have seen many rescue planes fly overhead only to NOT save you. You are still there. You wonder how long you will have to stay. I know you say you hate hope but you really don't. You really just hate the sameness of it. You really are grateful for it. But be cautioned....stay on the island until I provide way of rescue. It will be worth it."

That may mean nothing to you but He gave me a beautiful illustration that described exactly how I felt...and still feel.

Lord help my unbelief today.