Silencing my Inner Cynic

Anytime a topic surfaces more than one time in my life in one week usually means God has something He wants to say to me.

Code word: CONVICTION

Sunday night Shep spoke to our small prayer group about the dangers of cynicism in the life of a believer.

Then Thursday morning at bible study Beth brought the subject back around in her video.

So.....that has gotten me to thinking a little bit.

Am I a cynic?

I went to an online dictionary and looked up the word "cynical".

Cynical- bitterly or sneeringly distrustful, contemptuous, or pessimistic.

I wish I could tell you that nothing in me even remotely comes close to resembling that definition but then I would be lying.

Add sin on top of sin, right?!?

So yes I am a cynic. (sounds like there should be some type of support group)

I think this is proof that the Holy Spirit is prying open some long-closed doors in my heart. I know this is true because not too long ago I wouldn't have admitted this about myself.

But isn't that how our God works?

The closer we get to Him the more He takes away the things in us that don't mirror His Son.

So back to cynicism.

It is a sneaky sin. It sneaks up on us and before we know it we embrace it with full force because it masks some sense of control.

These are a few of my issues...not that I would ever say them out loud. But, still they are there occupying places in my heart and mind that God would like to have.

-Why pray? Does it really make a difference?
-Why memorize scripture?
-Why trust him/her?
-Why expect so and so to do the right thing?
-Why try? Will anything really ever change?
-Why do the right thing without anyone noticing?
-Why go out of my way for_________?
-Why should I think the best about __________ when they are ugly to me?

Am I alone here?

Does anyone else who calls herself a believer have such an inner struggle??


This isn't a dormant issue either. Just because we don't voice it doesn't mean it stays dead and buried.

This sin usually goes on display for all to see.

How?

Well let me ask you this?

Go back to the definition...is it hard to detect someone who is bitter, sneeringly distrustful, contemptuous, or pessimistic?

I didn't think so...these folks (including me) stand out like a sore thumb. I despise this in others so I can only imagine how pretty it looks on me.

If it isn't our sometimes loud body language then it is our mouths that get us into trouble. We spew negativity on everything and everyone around.

Now imagine how many of these folks (myself included) are filling up seats on Sunday morning in our local churches.

Does it make your head hurt like it does mine?

How can Jesus really change lives when we have already decided that He just doesn't do that anymore?

How can prayer affect anything if people won't pray?

We must fight this with everything in us if we are going to become the opposite of cynical.

And THAT is my goal.

I realize it won't be an instantaneous process but one that will require my attention and intentions many many times during the day.

If the opposite of cynical is my goal~what would that look like in my life?

instead of bitter~joyful
instead of sneeringly distrustful~overflowing with thanksgiving and looking for ways to bless
instead of contemptuous~ a respectful servant of others
instead of pessimistic~ full of faith

Kind of looks like beauty from ashes to me....

O Lord I ask you to forgive me for this bitter root of cynicism that I have allowed to live inside of me. Please remove it. I have gotten far too comfortable with its presence and I have found that I use it as a crutch in my life. I use it to protect myself against pain....from feeling things I'd rather not feel. Only You can remove this on a day by day basis. Help me to hate it. Help me to work with You as You remove it from me and conform me more to the image of Your Son, Jesus. I trust You God to replace these ashes with the true beauty that comes from a life surrendered to You. I admit I am a cynic but I want it no more...

James 1:6 "But when he (or she) asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a way of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind."