Game Changer

 Here she is...the blessed "game changer" in our home.  She is our first born child.  There was plenty of anticipation for her arrival.  The room was done.  The clothes hung.  The books had been read.  AND I had successfully added 70 pounds to my frame.  (I wanted to ensure that she had plenty of fat on her bones:)

 All babies change the dynamic in a home environment.  We were somewhat prepared for sleepless nights, endless fussing, and diaper accidents.  Little did we know God had a bigger change in mind.  Not only did His change include monitors, a feeding tube, an eye patch, a fundoplication, therapies, and a severe physical handicap...He gave us the gift of desperation.

 Before this big-eyed beauty entered our lives we were living the way most people do.  We were doing our thing.  We had few worries and, truthfully, depended on God for little to nothing.  Even though we called ourselves "strong Christians", our strength came from what we could muster up on our own.  God had something better, although harder, in mind.

 Remember I called this gift~desperation.  Indeed it was...and still is.  We had no clue how to parent a severely disabled child.  We still don't.  We take it one day at a time and still go to bed scratching our heads and hoping we did something right.  Frustrations run high and anxieties abound but let me be clear....I shamelessly depend on God for strength.  She has done that for me...for us.  We know we can't do this.  But He has told us that He can give us all we need to love and care for her.

 After 10 years I am still desperate.  I run to the throne of God and gratefully receive the measure of mercy waiting just for me.  Mercy to help me be her mother...and the mother of two others.  She has changed us for the better.  There is no classroom better the the classroom of pain and heartache.  I wish it weren't true.  But, it is during those painful times, that appreciation, grace, patience, compassion, faith, and hope are born and bred. 

 She is the big sister in this house but she is also our baby.  We all pitch in to take care of her.  She speaks to us without ever having said a single word.  But we hear her loudly.  In our minds, she is just Caroline.  Not Caroline with a handicap or Caroline who can't eat or walk or talk.  She is unique and utterly amazing with traits and nuances that are hers alone.

I end this post with a huge "Happy Birthday wish to my big girl, Caroline.  It would be wrong of me to not use this platform, as always, with God's word to us.  He has challenged us to believe Him to heal her....totally and completely.  We accepted that challenge 10 years ago and we still believe it today.  Time has not lessened our resolve, but weirdly, strengthened it.  He is faithful.  We have enough stories to fill books with His blessings and reminders of what is to come.  We wait until that day with hopes high.  And I bet, secretly, some of you do too.  I know it is crazy to so many for us to believe this but I love that my God is still into doing some crazy things for His glory alone.  We cherish these days and anticipate the memories we are yet to make!