The Nerve-Racking Exchange

Yesterday was a long-awaited treat for me!

Not really THAT long-awaited.  Only about a month and a half.  But I felt every day of it...

We kicked off our summer bible study.

(I have expressed numerous times that I am lost when I am not delving into bible study.  These past 6 weeks have been no exception.  God has had me plenty busy.  He has opened doors and provided opportunities that still leave me baffled.  BUT being in bible study ups my game spiritually.  I try to stay on a continual course through daily devotions, however , it just isn't the same.)  

We are doing NEHEMIAH by Kelly Minter.  I am totally new to Kelly.  But a lot of people I admire spiritually consider her a grounded and gifted teacher.  So that is good enough for me.

The over-arching theme of this study is "having a heart that is willing to break."

Kelly described Nehemiah in a refreshing, yet unfamiliar way to us.  Chapter one of the book of Nehemiah opened with our main character receiving some sad news about his beloved homeland.  It speaks of Nehemiah mourning, fasting, and praying for some time.

Seriously, who wants to open up with mourning, fasting, and prayer?!?  These topics can clear a church on a good day.

BUT~

Kelly camped out here.
It got uncomfortable....but entirely necessary.

She encouraged us to be women desperately in love with the Lord....AND women willing to have our hearts broken to serve God and others.

I sat in my chair watching the video as numerous chill bumps danced on my arms....and no, I was not cold.

But God was graciously affirming to me personally the craziness that has been going on in my life in the past month and a half.

I mentioned earlier that God has provided opportunities for ministry in my life recently that have been both blessings and burdens.

My neat little bubble of a life has been burst open and my heart has encountered people hurting. Some of them by their own doing....others by the effects of others' choices.

So~what is a girl to do?

Nod politely, say a prayer, walk away and be done.

No....but that is what I have wanted to do.  I haven't wanted to experience some of the hurt that people are experiencing.  But....that is the call of a disciple.  THAT is how we really make a difference.

We don't take ownership of the situation.  We just offer eyes to really see.  Ears to hear.  Hands to serve. Knees to bow. And hearts to break.


God showed me a cool picture in my mind's eye.  He showed me sitting in a chair in a room full of mirrors.  From every angle I could see myself, my hopes, my dreams, my family, and everything relating to me.  Truthfully I liked sitting there....and I hate admitting that about myself.  Selfish.  But God offered an exchange.  A nerve-racking exchange.  Same room, same chair, but windows instead of mirrors.  Windows to see out.  Windows to allow the pain of things I would rather not see in my bubble world. 

I want to do this.
I want to keep doing this.

But it is scary.
Thankfully I serve a healing, restoring, rebuilding God.  He didn't leave Nehemiah's heart broken.  He used that broken heart to rebuild some walls.

Let's do the same!