Draw Near. Right Here.

After acknowledging a distance between myself and God in my last blog post; my current bible study zeroed in on this distance even more.

Check out this quote..

"We can whine and pout and stomp over wanting to be made stronger.  We can quote a Bible verse and say nice things about the Almighty, but God does not give His strength from a distance.
Could it be that your life without strength is a reflection of where you are with God?  I have never seen God hurl His strength to someone with her back turned to Him. Or give strength to someone who lives far away from Him.  God gives strength to those close by~ to the one who has turned toward Him and has run back into His presence."  (Angela Thomas, Stronger)

The author then pointed us back to God's Word to affirm this in a very direct way. 

"Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you."

I knew this was the answer for me.

For whatever reason I was holding a piece of myself back from God. 

He intended to bring me back.

Less than 24 short hours after writing that last blog post I returned home from dropping the kids off from school.

I walked through the kitchen and past Caroline's wheelchair toward my room.

Then I sensed God pulling me toward Him.

Draw near.  Right here.

I stopped in the hallway because the Holy Spirit's prompting on my heart was heavy and strong.

"Lord, what are you saying to me?  What do you want me to do?"

Like strings leading a puppet I felt myself being pulled back into the kitchen to stand right in front of Caroline's wheelchair.

"Ok God.  This is weird.  What is it with Caroline's wheelchair?  What do you want me to do?"

This time the force of it hit me powerfully, "Andrea, draw near....right here."

 This was it.

I had pulled away and created distance between myself and God at the very place of my hurt and confusion with Caroline...and His silence.

I shook my head as if agreeing with Him and dropped to my knees. 

There, on our cold kitchen tile floor, I wrapped my arms awkwardly around a metal framed wheelchair and laid my head upon the seat of it. 

I sobbed and sobbed.

I drew near to God here.

It was the place that I had turned away and this was His way of turning me back.

It was right and it was good.  His ways always are in fact.

Somehow we draw lines around painful places in our lives.  We don't allow anyone to go there.  Not us.  Not friends and family...certainly not God.

How can the Comforter provide comfort in the very place He is not permitted to go?

We can't know Him as all He is or receive all He has to offer us by giving Him only the good places in our lives.

He wants to draw near....here.  Wherever your "here" is...is where He wants to meet you.

For me it was a wheelchair.

That metal frame became an altar of surrender.  Pride and anger flowed with each tear that rolled down my face.

God Almighty, my Comforter never left my side.  In fact, He wiped the tears away.

His presences helped me stand up with a strength that I had not previously possessed.

Surrender served as a means for strength.

Only our great God.

Draw near.  Right here.