Tonight marks the end of Fall break for my kids.
It has been a sweet couple of days for us at home. Slower. Intentionally so...
For whatever reason tonight I am a bundle of BLAH.
Nothing really good. Nothing really bad.
I type those words as if they are true. But, deep down, I know they aren't.
Yes I am tired.
Yes I don't feel so great.
But it cuts deeper than that.
Weakness worms its way into my thinking and somehow I just let it all go to heck.
Where is the strength available to me through Christ?
I'll tell you where it is.
Pushed away for the moment. Right where I left it.
Blah feels easier than burdened. Know what I mean?
Tonight I just want to stay blah.
I don't want to put forth the effort for bold, burdened, or even blessed.
But Peter's words haunt me. Yes. The apostle Peter in the New Testament.
Last Thursday the presence of God invaded my bedroom as I read 1 Peter chapter one and two. I was preparing for a speaking engagement and the Holy Spirit led me to these chapters and just kept me there. I read them out loud over and over again. Obviously God had something to say to me. Tears rolled down my face as the sacred written Word of God was spoken from my mouth.
Phrases that had been read repeatedly in my lifetime came alive in new ways.
One of them that jumped off of the page was this simple verse.
For he himself has said, You must be holy because I am holy. 1 Peter 1:16
Wouldn't a list of pending/conditional situations be nice here?
There aren't any.
Holiness isn't an option.
He is. So we must be.
At this moment my blah-ness is sinful. Why? Because at its root lies pride, arrogance, discontentment, and self-pity.
His words hit me with tenderness.
My blah mood must bow to His holiness. I must bow too. More than that...I must choose holiness.
Truthfully sitting here and typing this all out helps me think it through and call it what it really is. Sin.
Father~
I am such a feeler. I hate it about myself. Not on the mountain top of course. Those moments are elation and joy. Feeling is a gift and being a feeler seems fitting and right. But, here in the blah moments, my feelings take me down a dangerous path. I ignore Your goodness in this place and focus on my dislikes and relish in the discouragement. Please forgive me Lord. I choose to be holy just as You have called me to be. I don't have a magic wand. The feelings don't immediately go away. But surrendering to the truth immediately feels better too. Help me with holiness. I need the mind of Christ to distinguish what is helpful and what isn't. Give me self-control so I won't look for ways to just make myself feel better. The joy of holiness this night is that I am choosing You over me. It is that simple. God I may need to do it again tomorrow. Thank you for loving me and not letting me stay the same. I trust Your hand in my life. Don't let me be ok with sin in my life...especially self-pity sin. It may just be the worst kind. I love you Jesus. Amen
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