This mom turned to mush...

tonight as I held my 7 and a half year old girl in my arms and watched as she drank milk that was poured into her mouth.

The last time I witnessed success like this from Caroline was in the NICU. That was over 7 years ago. Back then she would actually take 70-80 cc's by mouth. (that wasn't much but it was something)

Then...it was like she just shut down. It was like food became her enemy. My heart was broken because I felt like a failure to not be able to feed my baby.

She wanted nothing and I mean NOTHING to do with food or liquid being put in her mouth.

She has remained mostly this way until lately.

She has seemed incredibly interested in food.

Because of her poor head control, it is difficult for Caroline to keep food in her mouth. It often comes out as easily as it goes in.

Her g-tube is and always has been an absolute necessity because she has never been able to sustain life by eating. Most days these last 7 plus years, she hasn't allowed anything in her mouth....nothing...zero...zip.

Shep and I always offer her bits of what we are eating and sometimes we may have marginal success. What I mean by that is she may keep 4-6 tiny bits down.

These past days she is wanting more and more. She still struggles with keeping it in but the "want to"is huge.

This morning she kept looking over at the "left-over" of Ava's chocolate milk. I asked her if she would like to taste it and she smiled and began jumping with her legs over to the sippy cup. I held her in my lap at an angle and poured the milk in her mouth. (the sippy cup is so old the milk literally runs out now)

She didn't protest. She swallowed. She smiled.

When I pulled the cup away she wanted more.

I guess she drank 2+ ounces in all.

Well, tonight she wanted it again.

So, of course, I scooped her up and fed her in my lap with that sippy. She drank again. She smiled. She was really enjoying it.

I made Shep take pics with his phone and call our parents.

This may not be BIG to you but to us it is HUGE!

I leaned down to her pretty face and thanked her for this experience. I told her how proud I was of her trying and wanting to drink and eat. I told her how much I had longed to feed her over these years and she just smiled with pride. I told her that I treasured each second with her. I told her that it was worth it. I told her that I pray God is teaching her how to eat. I melted because she and I both know how many times we have attempted to do this and it would usually end in tears for both of us.

Not today.

Psalm 126:5 "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy."

So many times I have cried myself to sleep praying for this. Thank you for the joy of this experience. I have longed for the day to watch her want to eat AND enjoy the process. Today, I witnessed both. I witnessed a miracle and only You Lord really know what it meant to me. I rejoice in You. I rejoice in what has been and what is to come.