I Need You Jesus

I need you Jesus
to come to my rescue.
Where else can I go?
There's no other name 
by which I am saved.
Capture me with grace
I will follow you.

I love the lyrics to this song.  If you don't know it...learn it.  The song is called "Rescue."

This was the cry of my heart from my bathroom floor just last week.

No I wasn't crying out from severe stomach pain although I can see why your brain would take you down that road.

I had actually gone into my bathroom and closed the door to either shut myself in or shut everyone else out.

Call it a personal time-out.

For me it was rock bottom that day.

It should not surprise you at all to learn that earlier in the day I had led the ladies bible study group.  It had been an awesome time of encouragement and refreshment in God's Word. 

Rock bottom didn't come until after I got the kids picked up from school.  Things were going along just fine.  The kids and I had done snack time, gotten caught up on the day and we were settling in to watch a movie together when it all went down hill....fast.

I have mentioned before that Caroline has a hard time of the day.  Well this is it.  Something will not suit her and she will take it out on everyone.  Because she can't talk to us she uses other methods to get our attention and let us know she is unhappy.

Usually she does this by kicking and screaming...yes, a FIT.

If these days were the rare occasion I think I could handle them better.  But sometimes (and a lot here lately) these days become the norm.  It almost seems like clockwork that the fits come and life is just kind of miserable for the rest of us.

Well this particular day I just couldn't deal.  Instead of responding to her....I reacted in anger and fired-up frustration.

I hated that Caroline, Zeke, and Ava all saw my angry reaction.  The self-control that I ask them to exert each day was found nowhere in me.  I hate even thinking about it now.

But...Caroline and I needed some time....and space....between us.

I took her to her room.

I took myself to the bathroom and laid face down on the floor.

Despite the situation, it turned into a pretty sweet time of communing with God.
 
Motherhood and the hope of being a good one made me desperate to go to the One who could step in and rescue.

After a good 10 minutes of sobbing and praying I knew I was ready to be the adult and handle the situation with somewhat of a better grip.  

This day in the bathroom is proof that God delights to come to our rescue. 

Our only problem with this is that we don't want to admit that we need rescuing.

So He allows us to see ourselves for what we really are.

For me it was an un-checked temper that was lacking self-control.

 Desperation that lands you face down on the bathroom floor rips any pride you have.  Rescuing demands that you surrender to your hopeless state.  Only then will you stop fighting.  Only then can you even be rescued.

When I left that bathroom I was pretty amazed at just how good God is. 

I walked in revved up.  I left rescued.  Captured by grace....