Courage 101

(Gulp) Still reeling from the fact that I posted that last one....

Last night Shep and I finally made it to the red chair together. It is one of our favorite spots. We end up there every night once the kids are tucked in. I huddled down into his arms and he knew. He knew the trepidation and anxiety that plagues me. It is plaguing him too.

I asked him, "Honey, is this what courage feels like?"

He just smiled and shrugged and said, "Yep, I think so."

For all of you who are dealing with butterflies in your tummies, restless nights, and shaky hands please know how much I appreciate you living this out with us. I stand constantly amazed at the friends and family who have hemmed us in. I know and sense how you are standing and believing with us.

I teased with one of my friends and said, "Is there any way to be expectant and still try to prepare my heart for disappointment.

She replied with a sigh, "I don't think so."

I just wanted to give you all some insight into my brain. Lest you think that I am sitting here every second with faith spilling out and pouring over, rest assured...I am not! I am, with the help of the Holy Spirit, giving my will, my mind, and my emotions over to Him.

I am running to the Word for constant encouragement. I need it to be life, peace, and power to me right now. He promises that His word can be our life and breath.

Faith is NOT the absence of fear...but standing, with knees knocking together, in the face of fear.

I don't want to fear disappointment so much that I miss out on the divine encounters with God Almighty.

I will tell you that I have asked Him repeatedly for me to be right. I don't want to be wrong anymore and I don't want to have to live out my disappointment and heartache in front of you. I say all of that.....still knowing that His plan may require that of me. But His plan could and hopefully is the mind-blowing, awe-inspiring, run-out-into-the-streets screaming miracle of healing Caroline.

I want to leave you with a few cool things God has let me stumble upon......

***John 13:19 (totally took this out of context....but still a cool thought that God could have given me regarding my situation...)
"I am telling you now before it happens, so that when it does happen you will believe that I am He."

***In a book that I love, "The God Chasers", Tommy Tenny writes:

"God chasers have a lot in common. Primarily, they are not interested in camping out on some dusty truth known to everyone. They are after the fresh presence of the Almighty. Sometimes their pursuit raises the eyebrows of the existing church, but usually they lead the church from a place of dryness back into the place of His presence. If you're a God chaser, you won't be happy to simply follow God's tracks. You will follow them until you apprehend His presence. The difference between the truth of God and revelation is very simple. Truth is where God's been. Revelation is where God is. Truth is God's tracks. It's His trail, His path, but it leads to what? It leads to Him. Perhaps the masses of people are happy to know where God's been, but true God chasers are not content just to study God's trail, His truths; they want to know Him. They want to know where He is and what He's doing right now."

Oh---how I long to be a part of what He is doing right now. I want to chase Him until He catches me....

Psalm 62:5-6
"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken."


(For all of you who leave comments....thank you. You have no idea how God uses those to flame my faith. Keep them coming....)