Man, mornings are hard for me.
I don't want to get up and do the things I must do. Every morning since June 13th has been particularly difficult. I don't feel like "fighting the fight".
The battle that rages in my mind is ravaging.
I won't begin to blog all of the lies the enemy tells me. All to strip me of any hope, joy, life, or encouragement. To blog them would only make the enemy far too happy. But, don't for one second believe that I am not in a spiritual battle every second of the day. Because I feel disappointed, sad, hurt, confused, and fearful.....I make a great prey.
So-----in spite of my lying feelings------I must feed my hungry soul with TRUTH!!
Please know that I am blogging all of this because I feel very led to walk in my disappointment in front of you. I wouldn't do it otherwise. I want to be transparent about my feelings while clinging to the TRUTH. I want you (and me) to see that God asks us to take risks and be courageous. I also want you (and me) to see how He tends to us when things don't make sense. I want to live out and prove that His Word heals, holds, protects, and provides power when I don't have an ounce of "want to" in me. May He be praised!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
John 15:13-17 talks of the great love God has for us to lay down His life for us....to call us friends...for us to do what He commands.....that He chose us to bear fruit....
He laid down His life for me. My devotion said that "laying down our lives" was the most difficult thing we could do. It would be easier in a lot of ways to just die and give our lives than to lay it down and to Him each day. It requires submission....completely. I want to be able to do that. I want Him to call me friend.
Phil. 3:14 Paul talks about "pressing on toward the goal to win the prize...."
Oh how I don't want to press on. If this were about "wants" I would live in a fairy tale. However, I MUST press on. God knows that through our pursuit of him....we find Him. We also find out the truth about ourselves.
Truthfully....
I am selfish.
I am prideful.
I live in fear.
I worry a lot.
I don't trust God.
He knows that by turning to His Word and prayer I will lay down my selfishness, pride, fear, worry, and doubt. Only then can He replace them with humility, meekness, courage, hope, and trust.
Keep me filled with Your Spirit today lest I fall a part.
4 comments:
Hey, Babe. Great post. Check this out- This'll be right up your alley- from the Heidelberg catechism:
Q & A 26
Q. What do you believe when you say,
"I believe in God, the Father almighty,
creator of heaven and earth"?
A. That the eternal Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
who out of nothing created heaven and earth
and everything in them,^1
who still upholds and rules them
by his eternal counsel and providence,^2
is my God and Father
because of Christ his Son.^3
I trust him so much that I do not doubt
he will provide
whatever I need
for body and soul,^4
and he will turn to my good
whatever adversity he sends me
in this sad world.^5
He is able to do this because he is almighty God;^6
he desires to do this because he is a faithful Father.^7
^1 Gen. 1 & 2; Ex. 20:11; Ps. 33:6; Isa. 44:24; Acts 4:24; 14:15
^2 Ps. 104; Matt. 6:30; 10:29; Eph. 1:11
^3 John 1:12-13; Rom. 8:15-16; Gal. 4:4-7; Eph. 1:5
^4 Ps. 55:22; Matt. 6:25-26; Luke 12:22-31
^5 Rom. 8:28
^6 Gen. 18:14; Rom. 8:31-39
^7 Matt. 7:9-11
Lord's Day 10
Q & A 27
Q. What do you understand
by the providence of God?
A. Providence is
the almighty and ever present power of God^1
by which he upholds, as with his hand,
heaven
and earth
and all creatures,^2
and so rules them that
leaf and blade,
rain and drought,
fruitful and lean years,
food and drink,
health and sickness,
prosperity and poverty—^3
all things, in fact, come to us
not by chance^4
but from his fatherly hand.^5
^1 Jer. 23:23-24; Acts 17:24-28
^2 Heb. 1:3
^3 Jer. 5:24; Acts 14:15-17; John 9:3; Prov. 22:2
^4 Prov. 16:33
^5 Matt. 10:29
Q & A 28
Q. How does the knowledge
of God's creation and providence
help us?
A. We can be patient when things go against us,^1
thankful when things go well,^2
and for the future we can have
good confidence in our faithful God and Father
that nothing will separate us from his love.^3
All creatures are so completely in his hand
that without his will
they can neither move nor be moved.^4
^1 Job 1:21-22; James 1:3
^2 Deut. 8:10; 1 Thess. 5:18
^3 Ps. 55:22; Rom. 5:3-5; 8:38-39
^4 Job 1:12; 2:6; Prov. 21:1; Acts 17:24-28
Just guessing but, hungry is probably where God wants us to stay!! You and Shep are constantly in our prayers.
C
If you remember one of the issues that Beth Moore and Angela Thomas touched on was the difference between being a Christian and being a born again Christian.
Isaiah 6:3-5 “3, Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord Almighty. 5, I am ruined.
This is the only scripture that uses Holy consecutively, 3 times. When we know that our Lord Almighty is Holy, Holy, Holy we realize our place. We know we are unworthy. It keeps me humble because the truth is God does not need us nor does he need to use us, he chooses too; that my friend is a priceless gift. Do you remember when God reached down and picked you? Do you remember when God called you by name asking you to trust him? Do you remember the moment your life was forever changed!
Going into our next Bible study, this Thursday, what excited me was the statement “hand-picked by God”
Hosea 7:8 Ephraim is a flat cake not turned over. Remember that? Not only have you allowed God to see all, you have allowed us to see all. No longer are you a flat cake not turned. Praise God! You are so gracious in sharing your awesome gift with others. That is courage. When we are hand-picked by God we must share that gift with others, my friend you are. I thank you.
John 10:16 my sheep hear my voice.
John 10:25-29 my sheep listen to my voice, I know them and they follow me.
I am so happy and excited that you keep listening, you keep seeking and you keep following the one who is Holy, Holy, and Holy.
You go girl!
Love your sister in Christ
Elaina
Andrea,
I wish there was more that I could to make this easier for you and Shep, but all I know to do is to continue to pray for you daily. Please know that you all are always in my prayers.
Love you,
Steph
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