There were a couple of things that my pastor said at our Saturday Easter service that quickened a longing that is deep within me.
As he welcomed the church he said something to this effect, "there is nothing in your life~ no difficulty, loss, depression, anger, heartbreak that a good Resurrection cannot fix."
I agreed with a hearty "Amen".
Later in his message he asked the congregation a rhetorical question, "who here needs an Easter miracle?"
I did not verbally "Amen" to that one. Instead I let the words fall on me. Sink in.
Every Sunday believers gather to worship and celebrate Jesus Christ. His death on the cross purchased our freedom- if we so choose Him.
The exchange of His righteousness for my filth is more staggering to me the longer I live.
When I met Jesus as a 9 year old I did not understand the sin battle that would plague me until heaven.
My sins are forgiven.
But I have a flesh that still wants to go its own way. My heart cannot be trusted. And many times I give into the lure of pride.
Easter IS miraculous.
The miracle of the resurrection changes everything.
For those of us that have a relationship with Jesus we know firsthand the difference that grace can make in a life.
But, on this past Saturday evening, my thoughts for resurrection and a miracle led me straight back to a longing that has not let up for almost 15 years....
Anyone else have one???
I bet I was not the only one in that sanctuary that has tasted the goodness of grace and salvation yet...we still long for a miracle~ a resurrection of sorts.
I mean~ HELLO. The pastor asked for crying out loud. "Does anyone need an Easter miracle?"
Who doesn't have something?
Even if you won't say it to anyone else or even out loud.....we can think of something we want or need that seems impossible for us to get.
I looked over at my 14 year old daughter strapped into her wheelchair and wondered like I have a million times before what it would be like for her brain to be healed and her body to work correctly.
I wanted to run down to the altar and sob loudly.
I wanted to lay flat out and just wail. For the many days and years of believing and not yet seeing...
But pride holds me back from making such a spectacle.
What would everyone think?
What would people say?
How would people react?
I wonder if their child was strapped into a wheelchair if they would care to be a fool and sob at the altar too?
Longing makes us care a little less.
I do care.
But sometimes my desperation gets the best of me and I want to be like the woman that pushed and shoved her way to Jesus...just to make contact with the hem of his garment. (Matthew 9:20-21)
She had hemorrhaged for 12 long years.
I wonder if she felt as hopeless on the day she was healed as I did in the Easter service?
I believe God Almighty still miraculously heals.
I believe He will heal my girl on this earth.
I believe He has grown my faith into something less flippant and flimsy because of years of persevering in faith....glory to His Name.
I sit here 3 days after the celebration of Jesus' resurrection filled with gratitude for a Savior that rescues.
But I also sit here in my longing.
Right smack in the middle of it. It hasn't waned one bit.
Whatever it was that urged the lady to find a way to Jesus after 12 years of bleeding still urges me today.
So often we gauge what we think God will do based on time.
She didn't allow 12 years of sameness to solidify her fate or to hold her back.
She shoved. She pushed. She took a leap of faith that something might just happen.
She took her longing (all 12 years of it) to the hem of Jesus' clothing.
I would say that is mustard seed faith.
May I not allow 14 years to taint my faith.
My God does not change.
He is the same yesterday. Today. And forever.
He delights in persistent tenacious stubborn faith....unbroken by the passage of time and passing doubts.
My bet is that others in that crowd would not have encouraged this lady to even think of a miracle after 12 years.
Aren't you glad she didn't ask their opinion?
She shoved her way to the One that knew her deepest longing and honored her faith.
So I ask.
Who among you needs a miracle?
Come push your way up to Jesus with me. Elbow your way into His Presence.
You may feel like your request might as well be dormant. Forgotten. Even forsaken.
You may think that time passing by somehow means that God has answered....
But what if it all changed because you asked again?
What if faith is continuing to be compelled to ask?
Don't we want to know that IT IS God who fuels the very faith that pride desires to extinguish?
I am NOT embarrassed because I long for my girl to be healed.
I AM embarrassed that somehow I lose the gumption to push my way up to Jesus...yet again...that I focus on the glares of others rather than a glory I cannot really fathom.
Faith is outlandish y'all.
We will look foolish and feel even more so....
But that woman walked away from Jesus without any regrets that day.
Let's ask again. And again.
Shove with me through doubt, glares, laughter, fear and a mob of others where you may feel unnoticed or unimportant.
Reach out in hope even if the gesture feels stupid and small....and we might just walk away with a miracle.