Last Sunday's Sorrow

The familiar tune hit me during worship this past Sunday. I listened to the opening notes with anticipation of the lyrics to come. 

My buddy, who is a lot like a brother to me, began to sing,  

 "Walking around these walls I thought by now they'd fall But you have never failed me yet Waiting for change to come Knowing the battle's won For you have never failed me yet." 

I felt myself moving toward the altar. I am not sure I could have stayed at my seat even if I had wanted to. The pull to worship was too strong. The pull to lay myself at the altar and unburden the weight of life's hardships, disappointments, and sadness was real. Needed. Necessary. As I prayed and cried out to God for things that break my heart, I could hear the congregation singing, like a background soundtrack to my prayers. THIS is CHURCH at its BEST. Unhindered sorrow met with the salve of surrender. My arms lifted in desperation, and praise. 

 The next thing I felt were supportive hands on my back. I could hear whispered prayers on my behalf. I had no idea who it was. Honestly, I didn't care. A desperate soul desires the prayers of anyone. The troops were rallying. Kind and compassionate souls saw a fellow sister on her knees and were moved to intercede, not just at their seat, but WITH her. 

In moments I felt someone else. She gripped my shoulders and began to pray out loud. Immediately tears started to fall. I knew who this was. We do not share the same genes, but she IS a sister no less. She has been with me in this journey for years. She knows the in's and out's of my present situation. Her own life is not absent of fears and worries. In fact, her life is full of them. YET... Here she was....at the altar crying out on MY behalf. Faith needs a family. Sorrow needs to be surrounded and shouldered. Her prayers were bold. She asked God to do things for me. She asked God to remind me, to hold me, to strengthen me, to sustain me. She did not shrink back from the reality of the situation and how hopeless it feels. Nor did she act as if God was distant or weak. She pressed in with her own faith to feed my own. It felt so good to have someone else asking God for answers that seem long forgotten. Her words bolstered me. Her faith made my burden feel lighter. Her love and support silencing the sting of lonlieness felt in recent days. As the song came to a close and her prayer ended we stood and embraced at that altar. 

What started out as an act of desperation on my part resulted in a meeting of hope. This is what God does. This is why we need our church body. One day we will no longer deal with sickness, pain, despair, injustice, lonliness, doubt, fear, and the sin that still wants to lead us astray from the One we love. Until then, we have an option. Go to the altar. Collapse there. Cry. Raise your hands to God. Let your guard down. Ask. Beieve. Allow others the joy and privilege of praying for you. Salvation requires the faith of one person. Living a life of faith requires help and support from others.  

 Psalm 13 "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death, lest my enemy say, 'I have prevailed over him.' lest my foes rejioce because I am shaken. But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, becasuse he has dealt bountifully with me."

Careful, Child of God

I wonder how many times I speak or have spoken the words to my children, "be careful."

These words seem to be the mantra of every parent every where.

So much so that these words lose the potentcy that they should instill.

The warning somehow becomes dull.

Overdone by repetition and overused at every turn.

How is one to "be careful?"

Breaking it down......BE: exist; live

CAREFUL: cautious in one's actions; avoiding danger or harm; showing thought and attention

These words have been rolling around in my mind for a few weeks.
I feel a bit like the nudge is coming from the Lord.

The culture in which we live is a constant roar of noise, opinions, and pointless banter.

I find myself admiring those that quietly make a difference by being distinctly different and refreshing in the face of what is the norm of the day.

The norm these days is hurried, busy, indifferent, undisciplined, sporadic, uncommitted and careless.

 Utterly frightening, isn't it?

Those adjectives describe me.  Not just on a bad day...but often times on a normal day.

Maybe these words describe you as well ...going throughout our day....fighting our respective battles...living our lives....and making decisions.

These words are what we have become...and even what we seem to be ok with.

As a follower of Christ I sense that He is saying to me,  "Be careful, child."

As I think and pray and relect on what He means I think I am coming to a conclusion.

In the culture of darkness that surrounds us we must take care to live and exist in a manner that is thoughtful and attentive to what matters most;  to be cautious in our actions and words to not cause harm or danger to the cause of Jesus Christ.

This requires care.

Intentionality.

A steadying of the soul that can only be the result of God Almighty doing it himself.

Being a careful follower of Christ does not mean that caution~ trumps~ faith.

It acutally means the opposite.

Faith~assurance in the One that holds all things together~IS the very essence of steady, hopeful, disciplined, thoughtful and careful choices.  There is nothing wishy-washy about faith.

As I look at the example of my Jesus I notice how he was indeed careful.

He did not hurry.
He was never too busy.
He could not tolerate indifference.
He was disciplined and measured....choosing sometimes to speak and other times to not speak...to act and other times not to act.
He did nothing sporadically but did all things with passion and purpose.
He was committed to the cause of setting things right again.  Above all else...he came knowing he had already commmitted to die.
He was never careless.

Isn't this a lovely picture of someone that could stand OUT in any culture?

He is our example.

Let's be careful wiith our words.
Our tone..our body language.

Let's be careful with what captivates our time and attention.

Let's be careful with our commitments.  Good and best are rarely the same and choosing between the two is tricky.  Prayer is required.

Let's be careful to live and exist in a way that would never cause harm or shame to the One we profess to love and worship.

Take care, child of God. Be careful.

The are many to win to Him....and so much to lose.

Philippians 4: 4-5 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again; Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all."

Colossians 3:12-14 "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved , clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grieveance against someone.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them together in perfect unity.

1 Thessalonians 4:11 "...and to make your ambition to lead a quiet life: you should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody."

James 1:19-20 "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires."

James 1:26 "Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.  Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

Day 1 of a New Decade

Last night I managed to stay awake to see the clock strike midnight.

We had family over to spend the night to celebrate the occasion in our low-key Helton style.  
Food on the grill filling the air with wonderful aromas and music in the background set our atmosphere as we piled around the table laughing and learning a new game that made our nerves both excited and raw.

It was such a fun night.

Noise-makers sounded off as we began to count backward from 10 down to 1 and we watched the ball drop.I would not have traded my comfy couch seat for a spot in NYC for anything.

My sweet man shared a kiss with me to welcome in 2020.  

It was worth the bags under my eyes this morning.

My soul has been rejuvenated from this 2 week break from school.

It has been a respite that was desperately needed.

Our Christmas was completely special even with the flu hitting my mama pretty hard and changing up some of our holiday traditions.  We rolled with the changes and made the best of things.

Early on in December I experienced something that shook me to the core.  

It was an unexpected encounter between the Lord and me as I sat surrounded in a large room full of people.

However those folks might as well have not been there.  

It was as if Jesus orchestrated a date for the two of us....just He and I.

He was speaking and I could hardly take it.

I cannot recall a time when I felt so exposed and vulnerable.
I was squirming in my seat and all I wanted to do was run out the nearest door and escape the smothering sense of all-knowing God meeting me right where I was.

It was too much.

The context hit too close to home.

A speaker was speaking but I cannot remember her name.

Instead a very LOUD conversation was taking place in my head.  

Prayers were silently spoiken to the Lord and the speaker would literally say back what I had just prayed.

Except how could she know?

My prayers were incredibly precise and specific.

Her words and biblical references felt like a hammer prying into a concrete wall that encased my heart.

Precise and specific as my own.

I left there undone.

The God of Heaven was pursuing me and I was terrified.

Scared to believe it was true and scared not to believe it.

Here I sit almost a month later.  

No answers.

No closer to why that happened.

I want to know.  I need to know.

That encounter allowed a crack of hope to light up my world.

Truthfully I have grown accustomed to the dim-lit days as of late.

It is my new normal.  

The weight of that event blew some wind into the embers of hope that I assumed were now dormant.

This longing in my heart has been awakened anew and I am not sure how to navigate it.

I have taken my requests to God.

After time in His Word and petitioning Him in prayer I come away with no answers to my questions.  Instead I am given reminders that He is my PEACE.

Instead of seeking my answers I am to rest in the PEACE of my JESUS.

My inner child wants to pitch a complete fit.

I want to rail against His authority and insist that anwers to my questions will make my life better.  

He knows better.

This pivotal moment is one that will reveal my character.

Will I trust His way to simply be my peace?
Will I wait and surrender to His timing?

Or will I demand my own way and be dissatisfied with nothing less?

Too many times I have done the latter....

But today, day 1 of 2020, I relinquish my will to Him.

I will cling to Jesus instead of insisting on my answers.

My life is supposed to be all about Him.

That saying usually ends up on a sign that gets placed in my home rather than the mantra that drives my heart.

My life is not my own.
I was bought with a price.
I will trust and obey....answers or not.

Psalm 115:1 
Not to us, Lord, not to us 
but to your name be the glory,
because of your love and faithfulness.

Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever;
wisdom and power are his.
He changes times and seasons;
he deposes kings and raises up others.
He gives wisdom to the wise 
and knowledge to the discerning.
He reveals deep and hidden things;
he knows what lies in darkness,
and light dwells with him.
Daniel 2:20-22