For over a year or more I have stepped away from what used to be like therapy to my soul.
Sitting at this keyboard and pounding words that spill out of a desperate heart used to be more natural. Now it is an all out fight.
Sometimes I have nothing to say.
Other times I
don't want to shouldn't say what I have to say.
And more often than not~ I let ease and apathy win. The couch (along with Netflix) beckons me and I lay this body down and give my brain a rest.
Not thinking is a form of escape that I will gladly take. #guilty
I have started this post about 4 times....
I almost spilled the beans about a meltdown I had two weeks ago in the car. For the life of me I felt life and pain closing in on me from all directions. All I could do was cry (literally) and cry out to God. My arthritis had decided to flare up and do a number on my joints. In addition to hot and inflamed hands and wrists, I went through some hostility toward the Lord. I soaked in my own pity for a few days...wondering why God would give me a severely disabled girl that needs so much hands-on support yet give me hands that hurt and throbbed with the slightest bend or touch of pressure.
It took four days of being quiet before God and simply clinging to His Word and His promises. Doing little else than just that.
It took my husband who was willing to pray like crazy for his wife and pick up the slack I simply couldn't do.
It took some pretty amazing friends that did not need me to explain anything~ they willingly took on some of my burdens and stormed the gates of Heaven on my behalf.
4 days later...the fog lifted.
The pain somewhat eased in my hands and wrists.
The window outward was less dim and light chased some of my shadows away.
His faithfulness was there.
He was there.
As was the pain.
His Presence and his promises held true even as pain had its way.
I was never alone...even if the enemy whispered to me that I was.
His love for me never failed...even if my love for him did.
Well I guess I spilled the beans after all. Maybe someone needed it.
Tonight as I read through the precious Word of God my eyes fell on the tail end of a nondescript verse.
One might just miss the value and importance of what doctor Luke penned in chapter 13 verse 22 of his gospel.
This verse is just more proof that hope so often tags along with the mundane things of life.
The verse simply says, "Jesus went through the towns and villages, teaching as he went, always pressing on toward Jerusalem."
Did you catch it?
This seemingly informational verse describes the activity of Jesus in his daily life.
He taught everywhere he went.
But it points to more.
It points to a man that is making his days count as he marches toward his mission.
Jerusalem was the end of the earthly road for him. Yet He pressed on always towards that very place.
His mission was our redemption.
But my redemption, and yours, cost Him dearly.
His mission was always to die for me. For you. For every wretch that has ever lived and questioned him. For every prodigal son and daughter. Even for those that never would choose Him.
He always pressed on.
As His follower....those are my instructions as well.
Getting back up is a rare trait these days.
Perseverance will serve us well.
Let's press on always.
"We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken. We are perplexed, but we don't give up and quit. 2 Corinthians 4:8