How Good It Is

My mind is having a bit of trouble grasping that we are nearing the end of February.

Christmas was just 2 weeks ago, right? 

Actually the past few months have been most difficult.

I am not sure how I can look back and time has seemed to drag AND fly by at the same time.

Just over 2 weeks ago we said goodbye to Shep's daddy.

His life here on this earth is over.  My heart ached to watch my sweetheart lose the man that taught him how to be one.

For months we watched his health decline.

Yet we hoped he would turn a corner and improve.

We wanted him here with us.

I was honored to have several days that were well spent at the hospital.  I would drive up and keep my mother in law company.

Her place was beside her man.

She took vows long ago that declared she would be by his side in sickness and in health.

That she was.

Their love and loyalty to each other would leave me breathless on most visits.

I even tried to capture some sweet moments with my phone without infringing on the tenderness of them.

These two photos were taken as she sang over him.

I just sat there and took it all in.

Her beloved husband was slipping away from her.

In faith and surrender she sang about her Savior.

It was extraordinary.

It was one of love's finest moments.

We celebrated his life and home-going on Sunday, February 7th.

All three of his sons and his son in law spoke about Pop.  Each one painting an accurate picture of the man we loved.

That evening I found myself hating to leave the farm.

I despised death and I despised that it left my sweet mother in law without her love of 60 years.

The farm even felt, different, like it was mourning the loss of its long time friend and caretaker.

We lingered as long as possible.  We laughed.  We cried.  We remembered and told stories.

I hugged her tight and long and promised to check in with her the next day.

Monday came and we exchanged encouraging texts.

My heart was still so heavy for her loneliness and grief.

By Wednesday evening I noticed she had not responded to my text message from that day.

I would soon learn that my sweet mother in law was in the hospital battling a twisted bowel.  She was very very sick.
Since then she has endured 2 surgeries to remove dead tissue and remains in  the ICU.  Her body is not recovering like we want.

I have no idea what God is doing and I certainly don't understand the timing and the pain of it.

But He has and is tending to our hearts.

Pain and grief can do a good work in us.

It softens my heart and strengthens my resolve.  At least that is what I have found.

Only God could pull that off.

Each day in the past week has brought with it uncertainty.

For that alone I have relished in the certainty of my God.

I run to Him.

I hide in His arms.

I cry and weep and groan there.

And I sense His peace and comfort.

How Good It Is!

If you knew my mother in law she would be tickled to know end that I would be bragging on her Jesus this way.

Even with my heart longing for the sound of her voice...she would chide me to search to hear His.
Even with grief overwhelming my senses....she would tell me to think upon His goodness and grace.

I am not sure what pain you are enduring this day.

His comfort trumps any other.
His peace is this mysterious gift that engulfs you.
His mercy reaches past your anger...even at Him.


"But as for me, how good it is to be near God!
I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter,
and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do." Psalm 73:28

Not How....But Who

Recently a new friend and I were exchanging texts.

She asked my opinion on a difficult subject.

In her zeal and hunger for the Lord, her mind wanted to somehow fathom how He can be who He is and how He can do what He does.

As I read her text I tried to think through a response that would prove WHO God is and HOW He holds all things together.

I am not sure that a response like that even exists.

No person can grasp the HOW of God.

How He creates something from nothing.
How death answers to Him.
How He can know every single person that has ever lived and those yet to live.
How He names the stars and still bends low to listen to my voice.
How suffering works a glorious purpose.
How a virgin can give birth.
How water can be turned to wine.
How sinners can be clothed with grace and made new.

These statements don't even begin to scratch the surface of our how questions.

The How's of God are endless.

We will wear ourselves out worrying over questions that are already handled.

The How of God isn't our concern.

He invites us, instead, to WHO He is.

This answer would seem to be simple and concise, yet it isn't.

The answer to the WHO of God is like a gift each morning...sitting there waiting to be unwrapped.

The recipient of that gift gets to be delighted and surprised by a God that dares to rock our worlds and meet us with the grace to ground our feet.

He is the answer to our deepest longing.
He is the mystery novel we cannot figure out AND we cannot put down.
He is the drink of water that seems to refill itself and quench our most parched places.
He can be seen in the written words of scriptures as well as the a sunset that won't let us look away.
He stands guard and never sleeps.
He will right every wrong.
He is light and no darkness dwells in Him at all.
He is intimate with our secrets and yet the vastness of the universe is under His feet.
He was faithful.
He is presently faithful.
He will always be faithful.

I have several obstacles staring me in the face that taunt me with their size and immovability.

Fear wonders how.
Faith believes who.

The choice is mine.

If you find yourself fretting....check your choice.

God invites us into His divine space.

The place where our yoke is easy and our burden is light.

Have you ever been under extreme anxiety, heartache or stress and wondered how our burden can be light?

Because our only responsibility is to know God.

And He desires to be known.

Win/Win

Knowing Jesus Christ gives us everything we need to face the unknown that lies ahead.

(Revelation 21:3 NIV) And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.

Jack Squat

The title of my post is exactly what I really know about love.

I love my people as much as a wife and mother can possibly love them.

However my love has limits.

Who knew?

We began our study of Hosea this past Thursday.

Worst fears confirmed.

Conviction has not left me.

As I have read the scriptures and done the homework in our study book I realized that I love so selfishly.

So....here is our awesome God's love:

Love is patient and kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast
and is not proud.
Love is not rude or self-seeking.
Love is not easily angered.
It keeps no records of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil.
Love rejoices with the truth.
Love protects.
Love trusts.
Love hopes.
Love perseveres.
(1 Cor. 1: 4-7)

And....this would be my lived out version of love:

Love is hurried and nice when nothing is wrong.
It tries not to envy others but fails a lot and doesn't really feel badly about it.
My love boasts when I do easy things or
when I want others to notice my achievements.
Love is only rude when it has to be...
especially if someone is needlessly rude to me.
Love seeks my way first and then worries what others will think.
My love remembers the reasons why I can't trust people.
My love doesn't really delight in evil...unless it contradicts with
things I like to watch or say or think about. 
Love rejoices when good things happen to other people...
and then I wonder when it is my turn.
Love protects only those I deem worthy.
Love trusts up to a point.
Love hopes as long as it doesn't feel stupid or embarrass me.
Love perseveres until I grow tired or bored.


I sit here mortified of the truth that is staring back at me from this screen.

God alone is capable of loving us with this crazy supernatural love described in the book of 1 Corinthians.

Because His Spirit lives inside of me I can choose to love that way also.

Not all the time.
Not perfectly.

But how about more often than now?

That would be a nice start.

Love is the basis of Christianity.

So why are we Christians so lousy at doing it?

It is the scandalous word that causes sinners to pause and wonder.

Are we really loved?

The answer is undeniably yes.

Jesus came to show us love.

A love we had never known.

A love so shocking that the enemy chooses to help us question it.

What is most difficult in your life at this moment?

Crippling fear?
Unending bills?
Depression?
A person?
A situation?
Betrayal?
Bitterness?
Unforgiveness?
Lonliness?


Whatever your thing is....love can only help it.

To know and believe that you are loved beyond your wildest dreams will free something bound within you.

What I love about our Lord Jesus is that He intends to teach us how to love by doing the hard work first.

Romans 5:8 states it beautifully, "but God demonstrates his own love for us in this:  While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Think about your sin.

Really think about it.

If many thoughts don't immediately come to you...then hear me: you are in serious denial.

Sadly we (and I) have become so familiar with our sin and our selves that we can scarcely separate the two.

Hate to break this to you but, just like me, you are a filthy wretch.

ANYTHING good about us is Jesus.

If you have a good clean thought.  It is because of Him.
If you forgive someone.  It is because of Him.
If you choose joy...
If you step forward in faith....
If you think kindly towards others....
If you obey something so difficult....
If you exert self-control....

Give credit where credit is due.  JESUS.

The Spirit of Almighty God equips you.  He works in you to do His will.

Now back to love.

It is this simple.

When your sinfulness is fresh on your mind.
His love washes over you like sunshine on your face.
You smile~ because how can you not?
Your sin should shake His love.

But it doesn't.
Not one little bit.


When you walk in a love you did not earn...
you are free to give that same love to others.

Admit it.

You don't know jack squat about selfless love either.

THAT is the love that changes the world.

Teach us Lord to trust a love we cannot fathom.
Help us to wallow in it.
It blows me away that You would place Your love within me and entrust the likes of me to spread it to others.
I mess up so much.
But Your love never shrinks back.
It never fails.  Even when we do.
I love you Lord.
As much as I can at this moment.
But I am made to love even more.
Teach me.
Amen

Blank Pages of Life

It has been difficult to think about writing this post.

I fear that any effort to describe what God spoke to my heart is going to be futile.

However...I press on....feeling strongly that others of you out there may need a bit of encouragement just as I did.

Leave it to the God of Heaven to speak it to me just days ago while I walked my big ol' puppy dog.

It was a rare morning free from the duties of children.

After savoring quiet time, coffee and a slow pace I set out to pray and walk our dog, Jasper.

I had made an entire lap around our neighborhood.  Jasper was enjoying the walk tremendously as if he knew there was really no hurry.  Prayers for friends and specific situations had lingered on my lips with each step.

As I neared my own house I offered up prayers for my own children.  I asked God to make them courageous and bold for His Name sake.  I asked that they would be individuals of faith and strong character.  I specifically asked the Lord to help them know the  HE is the author and finisher of the story of their lives.

Even as I spoke the words to the Lord he showed me a glimpse of myself.

(I know that is hard to understand.  Believe me...it is also frustrating to try to explain.)

What I saw was myself standing before the Lord God with my own life story in my hands and the pages were blank.  My expression sad and doubtful.

Here I was asking God to help my children know that He is authoring the journey of their lives.  And yet I have somehow stepped away from believing it myself.

What God wanted to do was help me.

The pages in my book feel empty these days.

Days stretch into weeks and weeks fly by into months and before I know it life is going by and it seems that my purpose is going with it.

My story has become mundane.

More than that my eyes have begun to wander and look at others. I even use the wicked measuring stick of comparison. Yuck.

Somehow I see life and joy and purpose happening for others.  Their stories seem vibrant with hope, adventure and possibility.

Then I look back at my story.

It seems void of those things.

My story seems to have stalled out.

Sadly I even start believing what I feel.  I begin to fall for the lie that God is no longer writing any words in my story.

The days that pass are simply blank pages.

I believe this overwhelming feeling that grips me is what happens when hope is deferred.  Proverbs chapter 13 verse 12 speaks of this.  This verse describes the heart of a person becoming sick because of hoping for something day after day.

Over thirteen years ago we believe God spoke to us.

When our daughter was born severely disabled from a birth injury we cried out to Him.  He answered us.

The answer He gave us was unbelievable on every level.

~I am going to heal your daughter. Simply believe what I say.~

It is more difficult to believe His words today than it was then.

Why?

Thirteen years is why.

I still change her diaper 6 or so times a day.
I still hook up a tube to her belly and give her milk to sustain her life and health.
I carry her in my arms just as I did when she was an infant.
I seek to understand and communicate with her because she can cry, yell, laugh, or babble.


My heart is sick because my hope is deferred.

God has chosen it to be so.

So it feels like the story I thought would be written by now is not only on hold...but fear says it will never be finished.  At least not finished with a miraculous healing.

I believe God allowed me see where I have drifted.  Unknowingly.

My pages are not blank.

God is always at work.

However when my eyes look at the circumstances of everyone else instead of being fixed upon Jesus Christ I cannot see correctly.

In other words comparison dulls spiritual vision.

As believers we have eyes that should be able to see and discern spiritual things.

The more I entertain doubt, jealousy of others, comparison, and envy my spiritual eyes lose sight of what He is writing in my story.
*****Thus giving the enemy a perfect opportunity to pounce on my feelings******

When my eyes are fixed and focused on the person of Jesus Christ my spiritual eyes are sharpened I begin to see words appear on those blank pages.

Carnal eyes cannot see the work of the Spirit.

John 14:17 are the words of Jesus Christ. He is talking to his followers about the Holy Spirit.  He says, "He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth. The world cannot receive him, because it isn't looking for him and doesn't recognize him. But you know him, because he lives with you now and later will be in you.

Wallowing in my pity and limiting the scope of my vision to the lives of others is a very quick way to disturb the work of the Holy Spirit in my own life AND to distort my spiritual vision.

Isaiah 26:3 says that a mind fixed on God will be kept in perfect peace.

There is no perfect life.

But His peace is perfect.  It can settle and satisfy me when nothing else will.

Maybe you are like me.

Maybe you are quick to look around and compare your life with those around you.

Maybe you feel as though He has forgotten you.

Maybe what you thought would be has not happened.

Maybe the pages of your story seem blank.

Empty of purpose.  Empty of peace. Empty of His Presence.

I will ask you the same thing that the Holy Spirit gently asked me.

Where is your gaze?

If your eyes stay focused on tv, social media, movies, gossip and the lives of others then trust me...you cannot see what God is writing.

Your spiritual eyes cannot help but be dull to His supernatural activity.

Know this....He is always writing our story.  

I needed to be reminded that I was looking in the dark.

My pages only seemed empty.  His words have always been there.  

My eyes have simply been looking everywhere else....

His presence and the light of who He is illuminates the story of my life.  Words appear on the pages that seemed blank.  

Words of purpose.  

Words of promise.

Words that are weaving the remarkable story of making you more like Jesus.

He is faithful and true.

Stay fixed on Jesus fellow warrior.

Come what may your story is meant to be miraculous.

~Ripped Saints~

These past few months have provided several opportunities to really notice the saints of God around me.

I am ashamed of my woeful oversight.  Missing the important things and focusing on the stupid things.

Observation and awareness get lost in our fast pace overly busy lifestyles.

I am thankful that God has awakened my eyes to see beyond the surface...

By awakening me...He has encouraged me through the struggle and stoic faith of others.

Before I brag on some of these precious people I want to explain why I refer to them as saints of God.

We usually classify someone a saint that lived an exceptional life here on earth and has now gone on to Heaven.

I hate that.

There are saints alive and well among us.

They live, breathe, work, struggle and tarry in this world just like we do.

They do not live perfect lives.
They are imperfect people serving a perfect God.

~However God has allowed something to be ripped from them.  And they remain faithful to Him.~

He has allowed their health to fail.
He has allowed their finances to dry up.
He has allowed a life-altering diagnosis.
He has allowed the death of a cherished loved one.
He has allowed the present circumstances of their lives to topple over and spill out into chaos bringing fear and helplessness.


These are real people.
I sit next to them.
I sing with them.
I live life walking beside them.
I question and ponder and pray with them.
I watch them with awe, wonder and tremendous respect.

Selfishly my own faith is strengthened because of them.

What makes each of these folks a saint of God in my book is that they have experienced a tearing away.  God has allowed something precious to be ripped from their hands.  The word ripped conjures a strong mental image. It is intended to.

When I think of something being ripped from my hands I immediately think of grasping the object so tightly.  Almost protectively.  Hanging on with every fiber of my being.  Feeling the sting when whatever I am holding is taken.  As if I feel the immediate weight of its absence.

**There is a woman I know that sings like an angel. Seriously...angelic.
She has faced numerous health battles.  Most days she can pull off  walking with only a slight limp. Other days she has to almost hobble.
Yet~ she doesn't stop hobbling.
She doesn't stop singing and worshiping Jesus.
As long as she has breath...she sings for her Lord. Loud and proud.
I am certain she hates the pain that never leaves.  I am certain she wishes she could walk and not wince with every single step.  But still she sings to the One that is worthy.
She sings to the One that allows the pain.


**There is a man that serves as a physician in our community.
The love of his life and the mother of his son died this past year.
I sat next to him not too long ago and just talked about her and the Lord.
His smile was genuine although I am not sure mine would be.
He did not deny his pain.  His utter loss.
He did not shy away from the difficulty of grief that greets him every single day.
Yet~ his love for Jesus was MORE.  More than the grief.
His resolve to serve and live for God was strong and purposeful.
He refuses to shut out the One that allowed his wife to be taken away.
More than that~ the man boasts in the One that sustains him daily.


**There is a family in our midst that astounds us all.
They are facing mountains of fear and uncertainty on every side. Each time they come through a battle,a new and bigger one, takes its place.
They are normal people.  With jobs. Pets. A life.
But for the past month they have literally lived in the ICU of a children's hospital.
They are watching one of their children fight cancer for the second time in her young life.
Each time I encounter them they manage to smile at me.
Seriously....they smile.
Could you do that?
Not without the grace of God.
They pray relentlessly.  They notice others around them that are battling sickness and pray on their behalf as well.
As angry as they may be...as frustrated and exhausted as they must be....they refuse to stop storming the throne of the One that has allowed this diagnosis.
The lives that they know have been ripped from them....YET they cling tightly to the One that can repair and restore anything.


**I know a family that has recently lost a beloved daughter.
An unexpected car accident tragically took her life.
She was a missionary~ giving her days to her the Lord Jesus, her husband and three young daughters.
Her mother and I have known each other for years.
Each time I get the privilege to sit down in her company she glorifies God in the wake of her loss.
She doesn't pretend the ache is not real.
She doesn't act like she is happy about the fact that her son-in-law and granddaughters are missing their wife and mother.
She wishes it was different.
She cries real tears.
She asks real honest questions.
But she refuses to stop loving her Lord and Savior.
She cannot physically touch the daughter she lost but she can AND DOES cling to the Almighty Hand of God that calms her in this devastating time.

My list goes on.

There are other real live people that I know that walk boldly forward when all of the rest of us want to shrink back.
Without the help of answers.
Without the promise of a better situation here on earth.

Don't you ever marvel at people?

Maybe I should say....don't you ever marvel at the Holy Spirit in people??

Hebrews chapter 11 is known as the Hall of Faith in God's Word.

It is one of my favorite pieces of scripture.

Miracles are listed repeatedly....but so are the real live people that lived them out.

These people missed the mark.
They got furious.
They were cheaters.
They were impatient.
They were liars.
They could not figure out God's plan at times....yet they are known as our heroes of the faith.

Because God came through on behalf of plain ol' people.

Yielded people.
Surrendered people.
Willing people.

Hebrews chapter 11 continues on today.

The people that I have described to you are in my personal Hall of Faith.

Their lives are not included in the written Word but their stories are written on my heart.

Their lives help me walk out my faith.  Day in. Day out.

They persevere.  In turn...I want to keep on going as well.

If our lives are a written story for the world to see...faith should be a bold refreshing main character. The unseen being seen in our lives.

By faith~ they press on.
By faith~ they refuse to quit.
By faith~ they wait on God.
By faith~ they trust in His Word.
By faith~ they sob in His Arms.
By faith~ they believe what they can neither see or feel.
By faith~ they live.

May I boldly do the same.

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation for everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, 'The righteous shall live by faith.'" Romans 1:16-17

When Faith feels like Failure

Sometimes our journey with God feels completely right.

I mean things can be difficult and falling out of place but still you know that your path is sure and chosen by God.

Other times we look around and wonder where in the world we took the trap door to nowhere.

We find ourselves in a place completely unfamiliar and strange.  No real entrance or exit.  We are just there.

Our first thought or reaction is to go back and trace every thought~ every decision that must have landed us here.

Welcome to our world of late.

Here we sit.

We couldn't have predicted our path.  In some ways we couldn't have even chosen it.  It seems very much that it was chosen for us.  Yet, humanly speaking, it feels as foreign as another country.

Learning to follow God is a humbling experience.

I am not so sure that our purpose here is to serve and love the Lord in the midst of many, many questions.

He has used the process of elimination in our lives to place us exactly where we are.

Closing doors until only one remains.

It has taken me almost a week to figure out that we would not have come to this place any other way.

I have thought about my heroes of the faith and how they must have felt when God used this exact method in their lives.

Moses stood in front of the Red Sea. 

He had just led millions of Israelites out of captivity.  Chosen by God to be the man. Now the Egyptian army was closing in fast.

Moses found himself out of options...save one.
(that whole process of elimination thing)

A sea. 

Can you just place yourself at the scene?

Women and children crying.  Men shouting. The stench of ocean air, animals, sweat and adrenaline hanging in the air.  A sea of water in front of you and a sea of desperate people behind you. Looking to you.  Waiting.

To make matters worse an angry army is closing in.  You can hear the chariots in the distance.  The Pharaoh has shaken off his grief temporarily and wants his slaves back. 

God says to Moses, "Use your shepherd's staff- hold it out over the water, and a path will open up before you through the sea.  Then all the people of Israel will walk through on dry ground." (Ex. 14:16)

For a brief moment...I wonder if Moses felt like a failure?

Each endeavor required faith.

Hearing the voice of God in a burning bush~
Answering the call to go to Egypt~
Making demands before the Pharaoh~
Enduring 10 heartbreaking plagues~

He had been obedient to the Lord.
He had led the Israelites out of slavery.

Whew.  He could breathe easy now.

Surely the rest of this would be a piece of cake, right?!?

God would lead them to safety and comfort.

No more BIG faith leaps...

I wonder if his thoughts wavered like my own.

He had led these people out of slavery and now they faced certain death.  Unless.....

Unless he raised his staff.

Unless God came though.

Unless God performed some miracle and created a dry path through water....can that even happen??

Moses (a man...flesh and blood) probably stood there thinking I am about to raise this staff. 

And look stupid.

But he did it anyway.

There was no other choice.

Foolish or not he either trusted God or he didn't.

I could take time and discuss other heroes of mine.  Daniel.  Esther.  Elijah.  Paul. Abraham. Joseph.

They found themselves in curious situations.  Chosen for them.

God eliminated easy outcomes and left them all with one scary one.

Each one had to demonstrate a faith that felt like utter failure.  Beyond feeling like failure it even looked like failure.

And yet...God had placed them there.

I have been following Jesus for quite some time. My husband and I know better than to make any decision without praying about it first.

Even with prayerful decisions and leaps of faith...it can still feel like failure.

On purpose.

The only option left is trust.

God's way or no way.

Raise the staff in faith (just as Moses did) and wait. 

With heart pounding and shortness of breath...your eyes dart across the water looking for something you have never seen.

And just when you think that is impossible....a path opens.

FURIOUS faith

(Because this post concerns another family...their permission was given.)

The word furious has a couple of definitions that seem to fit me at this particular time.

The first definition means exactly what you think it does, "full of or characterized by extreme anger; raging."

The second definition we know but we use it less often, "full of intensity, energetic or fierce."

I am both.

I have promised to be real before God and anyone that takes the time to read my words.

Two nights ago we, like so many others, received word that a precious 11 year old in our church was very very sick. Again.

This child has battled one form of cancer for the past year.  

After numerous rounds of chemo, lots of sickness, sleepless nights, and countless doctor visits... a clear scan showed that she was cancer free.

Our entire church breathed a sigh of huge relief and glorious praise to God.

In the past few weeks I have grinned as I have seen her hair begin to grow back and the color of life return to her gorgeous cheeks.

Only 2 nights ago this family was hit again.

Hard.

A different form of cancer.  Potentially one caused by the treatment that was used for the other has now attacked her body.

What was hoped to be an initial check for strep throat at the doctor showed much more.

White blood cell count was up.  Way up.

There was swelling.  

Something was very wrong.

Tests were run.  Prayers were prayed.  

Wednesday morning came with gloomy gray skies and a sickening report.  

Acute Myeloid Leukemia

All I can say is that I, like so many others, are furious.

Raging anger.  The helpless kind.

This family has been through the hell of one cancer.  Now they must walk through another...more aggressive more complex cancer.

I am angry.

These parents are angry.

Her sister is angry.

Our church is angry.

Is that even ok?

By the authority of God's Word I say yes it is.

Think of the 4 friends that carried their brother on a mat and lowered him through the roof to get to Jesus. (Mark ch.2)

Think of the woman with the issue of bleeding for 12 years that pushed her way through just to somehow grab the hem of clothing worn by Jesus. (Luke ch.8)

Think about Jarius as he came to get Jesus and bring him back to heal his dying daughter. Mark chapter five says that he fell at Jesus feet and begged him.

These were real live people.  Full of emotion and weaknesses just like me. They had doubts.  They questioned.  They were exhausted and weary.

No one can tell me that there was not an inherent anger toward the direness of their circumstances.  To say that there wasn't would be less than human.

Appropriate anger dispels apathy.

Fury can birth a fervent heart of faith.

It moves us to action.  

The blessing that I see in my anger is the immediate effect is has had on my prayer life and my faith.

I am engaged and active.

As the second definition describes, I am "full of intensity and energy."  There is suddenly a fierceness to my faith in this situation.

To our great detriment we believers have fallen for the lie that we cannot be angry AND be in the presence of God.

Being furious doesn't mean I lack faith.

Where else do we go??

Let me argue that anger, sorrow, indignation, and fierce passion are usually the only emotions that WILL push us to the brink of desperation.

 Desperate people need a place to go. 

 They need a place to speak the unspeakable.  They need a place to wail and cry and smash something. They need to ask questions even if silence is the only answer. They need permission to lay aside polite etiquette and be the mess that they are. 

God in heaven tells us of  such a place made for us. And a Person that yearns to meet us there.

 He made provision for us through Jesus Christ to come just as we are.

Doubtful. 

Fearful. 

Discouraged. 

Defeated. 

Hopeless. 

Furious.

To this place I run.  I won't ever stop....

He meets me there.  He wipes my tears.  He groans with me.  He holds me up and lifts my head.

"...we have a great High Priest who has gone to heaven, Jesus the Son of God. Let us cling to him and  never stop trusting him.  This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same temptations we do, yet he did not sin.  So let us come BOLDLY to the throne of our gracious God. There we WILL receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when  we need it most." Hebrews 4:14-16

Quit worrying about your anger.  That is only a distraction from the enemy to keep you from running to God.

Is it ok?

Is it too much?

Is it appropriate?

Instead run to the throne.  Help is found.  Burdens are taken. Grace is given.

This throne of grace can be any place that you can breathe the name of Jesus.  

On Wednesday the parents of this dear child and myself found ourselves approaching the throne together in a conference room on the floor in the AFLAC wing of the children's hospital. 

A fresh diagnosis brought forth a very fresh desperation.  

We had few words.  A lot of anger.  A lot of fear.  More questions than we wanted to admit.  Restlessness.  Frustration.  Weariness.  Anxiety.

.........And the tiniest mustard seed of faith..............

We bowed our heads.  Bent our knees.  Breathed His name.  The only name.  We cried out to Jesus.

 Just a couple of pics so you and visualize the angel we are praying for....this was taken last year when she spent the night at our house.

Oh God we are furious.  We don't understand.  We desperately need you to intervene.  Would you heal this sweet child for the glory of Your Name.  Be nearer to them than you ever have been. Strengthen their bodies.  Give rest to their minds.  In the name of Jesus flood them with boundless hope and fresh faith.  Surround them with Your Presence and protect them from  the enemy that wishes to steal and destroy their faith.  We stand with them begging You for a miracle.  Knowing You hear us.  We wait in expectation Lord.  Amen.