Because I was in a cleaning mood I decided that this particular morning would be the perfect time to clean out the big pile of ashes.
I used the metal shovel-thing and meticulously scooped the ashes into a grocery bag. It took longer than I expected and it was messier than I had planned. Particles of gray ash and soot were flying around the room. However my diligence paid off. Before long the ashes were tied up in a bag and placed outside on our deck.
Then I began to sweep out the remaining little bits that were left.
It wasn't until a couple of days later that I realized my little cleaning project had left a permanent mark.
Shep had found a hole that appeared to be burnt into our back deck.
He was puzzled and came to me.
Truthfully I was a bit puzzled myself.
Then I remembered cleaning out the pile of ashes from the fireplace and placing the bag out on the back deck.
~But it was just a bunch of ashes.~
Obviously I had been wrong.
Shep freaked out a little bit and gave me a solid lecture on cleaning out the fireplace protocol.
Now I know to always use a metal bucket. (oops)
Thankfully nothing of value had been burned. We replaced two boards on our back deck and thanked our sweet Lord above for His mercy upon my ignorance.
But my thoughts turned back to those ashes.
Seriously....it was ashes. A big pile of ashes.
But somewhere there had to have been more. Warm embers lingered from the previous night's blaze.
These memories flooded my mind yesterday. I felt God tugging my heart to write about the days where hope is less.
Honestly the days of less can be courageously lived because we have enjoyed days of more.
God tells us to recall and recount and remember His faithfulness.
I believe this practice is essential to our lives.
My days, weeks, and months of late have been very sad.
I have found myself questioning more than ever before.
I have sensed a spiritual laziness and apathy that comes from cynicism and doubt.
I simply don't want to believe what God has told me anymore....
The hurt and ache have turned into a numbness of sorts.
In this time God has shown me that HOPE is still there. Just like those ashes piled high in my fireplace~ embers of hope burn still.
The fire isn't blazing right now.
But there have been days before that the fire of my faith was strong and fierce and brought a warmth to others.
There have been days when God's Word shook me to my core and spoke louder than any person on earth.
There have been days when the Holy Spirit spoke with clarity and power.
There have been days of dreams and visions.
There have been days of prophetic words and encouragement.
There have been days of exuberant praise and worship.
There have been days of powerful testimony.
There have been days of fellowship with God that were sweeter than anything I have ever known.
But not right now.
Right now the fire that once burned is but a pile of ashes....with embers I can't see or feel.
But I believe God that they are there.
I am not hopeless.
But today hope seems less to me.
These are days we trust anyway.
We believe without any other reason than God says so.
I don't understand why God hasn't intervened yet.
But, the truth is, my understanding is not what matters.
My obedience is crucial.
Obedience without anything else to fall back on.....
Obedience with no net....
Obedience when all looks dim....
Obedience when others mock and silently whisper....
Obedience is the pleasing sacrifice.
Today my hope is a pile of ashes. The leftovers of countless blazes that have burned. I sit and wait for the breeze of the Holy One to blow upon me once again.
Embers stirred by fresh air can't help but ignite.
And out of nowhere~ a flame will come forth again.
I miss it. The fire. The zeal. The passion.
But the absence of it requires more.
Isaiah 48:10
See, I have refined you, though not as silver;
I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.
I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.
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