Disappointment. Devotion. Living.

We are a fickle bunch.

If we are disappointed with service at a restaurant~ we usually don't go back.
If we are disappointed with a person~ we lose trust.
If we are disappointed with a song~ we change the music selection.
If we are disappointed with circumstances~ we look for a way out.

Disappointment is a tough thing.

All of us, in some way or another, are dealing with disappointment.

Or are we?

Maybe you just don't admit that you are disappointed.

Maybe you just don't deal with it.

Disappointment in our culture calls for a quick fix....a change.

People refuse to live disappointed.

Marriages end, relationships fall apart, rules don't seem to matter when disappointment is on the line.

We look for anything and everything to help us NOT BE disappointed.

But what about when nothing helps?
When a quick fix won't fix anything at all?

When the disappointments settles and you are left to feel and absorb and DEAL with every bit of it.

I will be completely honest.

Right now I am in the midst of disappointment.

It would be easier to lie and act like I am not dealing with unmet expectations and deferred hope.  The fake smile would make you feel better and it might make me feel better too.

But I can't muster it up.

A week or so ago I told the Lord that all I had to bring to Him was my disappointment.

How is that for a devoted follower of Christ???

I felt such guilt and shame for even admitting it.

How could I not muster up some measure, however meager, of gratitude and thanksgiving?!?

I had none.  And today~  I still don't have much.

God's Word has been some solace for me.

My man and a few very close friends have spoken truth to these ears.

I have taken days to process and meditate....and there are more to come.

God has remained so true to His nature.

I don't sense any anger.

He is loving me through this.
He is letting me rest where I am.
He is tenderly leading me at a slower and more gentle pace.
He is not leaving or forsaking his disappointed child.

He is simply loving her back to wholeness.

I am broken and tired and weary and sad and disappointed.

And He knows it.

But I am also abiding.

I am devoted to my Savior and my God.

Disappointment and devotion can coexist.

They can walk together and hold hands and wait for God to illuminate the next step.

My pastor preached a sermon this past Sunday entitled, "Grace to do the Hard Things Well".  Tears streamed down my face as I drank in each word and prayed for continued grace.

I do not feel like I am doing anything well these days.

But He can.

He is faithful when I am completely faithless.

He is strength when I am sapped.

He is water when I am dry.

He is full when I am empty.

He is hope when I have none.

He simply IS everything I need.

He is devoted to me when I am disappointed.

Today He nudged me toward a passage of scripture that He knew would speak to me.


John chapter 11 tells the account but I will give you the high points.

Mary was a follower of Jesus.

She had a brother that she dearly loved name Lazarus.

She and her sister, Martha, sent for Jesus when Lazarus became sick unto death.

They knew of His ministry.  They knew he could heal and restore.

Jesus did not come.

Here was a devoted follower of Jesus dealing with disappointment.

A couple of days later Jesus did come to their home.

Martha rushed out to meet Jesus.

Mary did not.

I have always thought that Mary was angry with Jesus.

Maybe she was.  But maybe she was just empty...and tired....and sad...and disappointed.

Maybe she didn't want to bring her disappointment before the Messiah.

In verse 28 of John chapter 11 we read that Martha goes and gets Mary.  We read that Jesus wanted to see her.

That is Him.

He wants us. He calls us by name.  He wants us close.  Even in our disappointment.

He knew her sadness and He knew He was her solution.

Devotion met disappointment.

He doesn't shrink back from us.  He isn't angered by us.  And (I have to remind myself of this one) He doesn't tolerate us.

He loves us.

Period.

Just as he called Mary that day in the midst of her disappointment I sense Him calling to me in mine.

Mary had a choice.

She could get up and go to him or choose not to.

Verse 29 gives us her choice.  It says, "so Mary immediately went to him."

These 6 seemingly inconsequential words describe me and probably so many others as well.

In our disappointment~ we still go to Him.

I choose Jesus.

The disappointment lingers and the wonderful truth is that He never leaves.

In times of grief and pain you see friends who cannot sit through it with you.

But then there are those who refuse to leave your side.

There are the friends that stay even when they cannot say anything or do anything to make it better.

They simply cannot leave.

Because they love.

He is that and so much more.

There is character to be built. There is perseverance and faith that must be proven genuine....

Somehow disappointment is part of this teaching process.

So I am choosing to trust my Teacher.

He is my God.
He clothed His glory in skin and came to this earth to live and die for me.
He rose again and claimed victory over death.
He sends His Holy Spirit to encourage and equip me.
He spoke the world into existence.
He knows the end from the beginning.

My disappointment does not make Him anything less than He is.

But it teaches me more about the depth of His grace, mercy and love for me.

Come ye sinner poor and needy
weak and wounded, sick and sore
Jesus ready stands to save you
full of pity, love and pow'r.