Yearning....

I have heard it said that..."a mother is only as happy as her most sad child".

Do you think that is true?

-A mother with 4 kids and all are doing great except for one that is in jail. Where do you think her heart is?

-A mother with 2 grown children sees that one of her children is depressed, financially unstable, and a failing marriage. Where is her heart?

-A mother with 5 amazing kids and one is addicted to drugs and is without God. Where does her heart bleed?

I will tell you.

As a mother of three amazing, delightful, and precious children....your heart stays most with the one who needs you the most. Your heart breaks most for the one who isn't whole. Your mind floods with thoughts around the one who you wish you could help but the remedy is out of your hands.

Holidays are always hard.

This Thanksgiving was so good...and there is still good to come.

But (secretly) I was only as happy as my most needy child.

As we gathered to give thanks and partake of the much-anticipated meal....I ached for my child who couldn't taste or enjoy any of it.

As Christmas comes knocking at the door...I already feel my frustration for buying toys for my child who can't really play with them or even open them at this time.

I am not writing this for any one's pity. This is simply the truth.

The truth just isn't always pretty or fun...or easy to read.

This year I am thankful for my God who wants the truth. The truth that we hide away and think that He really doesn't want to hear. No----that isn't my God. He seeks out the truth. The ugly stuff that I don't want to admit.

The enemy tells me that I should not dare complain or voice my hurts here at Thanksgiving. He wants me to keep this in and become angry.

I won't do it.

Instead I will celebrate these holidays in truth.

I will come before Him open and honest. I won't hold back my hurts. I will shout out my praises and thanksgiving. I will love Him. I will honor Him. I will bring Him my treasured secrets and my most sacred thoughts. He is worthy.

I am having a hard time. But He is good. He hears me. He hurts with me. He has a plan.

Father strengthen me today. You know me well. You know how I can be. Keep my feet firm and my mind set on You. I have so much to be thankful for....remind me always. May my words be gracious and kind...my lips eager to praise You!

Gone is the gall bladder

Yes, it is true! I am now missing an organ. It seems so strange. You go to the hospital...stay a few hours...get it out....recover...and then go home.

Pretty amazing.

Thank you to all of my pals for praying peace and protection over me. Almighty God heard and answered those prayers.

It couldn't have gone better.

As for how I feel now??? Good, except that my stomach feels like I was punched or kicked about a million times.

Oh yeah, I am also not going to have to cook for the next 5 nights. Can you believe that? Our class at church is providing food. The Guytons are bringing food tonight and if you know them....then you know we will be eating good!!

Catch up later.....off to lay down and rest a while (wink wink)

Throw me high daddy!!

I just had to post these pictures.

Don't you remember being thrown into the air and loving it??

My kids are no exception. They want their daddy to throw them up and catch them over and over and over...

Notice my strong man lifting Caroline (wheelchair and all) into the air. I especially love the look on Zeke's face as he watches.

This was the fun in our kitchen tonight. I just wanted to share the joy!

Mercy Seat

There really aren't words to describe the worship experience at our church Saturday night. The air was thick with the sweet Presence of God. He was there doing what He does best....healing hearts, blessing lives, answering prayers, and relishing the praises of His people.

The highlight of the night for me was singing "Mercy Seat".

If you know the song....just singing it was enough to be blessed. But watching people I love and even those I didn't know making their way to the altar to lay down their burdens and receive mercy was humbling and joyous.

You could physically see people unloading their burdens on the very One who is able to heal and carry them...because we were never meant to.

It was awesome!

I will say that I kept my eyes on my daddy who sat at the back of the sanctuary holding Caroline. I had already told the Lord that I thought it would be another awesome opportunity to heal her.

He chose not to....but the day is coming.

I could almost imagine it though. As we (the choir) belted out praises about the lame being able to walk...I envisioned her jumping out of my daddy's arms and and giving us a tangible example of the very thing we were singing about.

Thank you sweet Jesus for your mercy on me. There is more than enough...always. I couldn't make it through a day without you. Keep me running to Your mercy seat..

I WILL...

bless the Lord forever.

I WILL trust Him at all times.

HE HAS delivered me from all fear.

HE HAS set my feet upon a rock.

I WILL not be moved.

I'LL SAY of the Lord.

You are my Shield, my Strength, my Fortress, Deliverer, my Shelter, Strong Tower, my very present HELP in time of need.

(these are lyrics from one of my very favorite Travis Cottrell songs...by the way he will be at our church this Saturday night!!!)

I just had to take a moment and declare praise to my great God for His many unexpected blessings in the past 2 weeks. I have laughed, gasped, cried, and laid out face-down in my floor because of some of the ways God has chosen to bless my family.

I would have never suspected His ways or the people that He uses. Again...He is weird....wonderfully weird...

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you God for going outside of my box to bless me and my family. You amaze me. I am so unworthy of even a second thought from You, yet You lavish me with your love, grace, and provision.

Even in this desert place....this barren land where You have led us....You have provided streams to refresh us. These streams in our desert have given us joy, hope, peace of mind, and confirmation that You are unchanging....always pursuing....always working....never forsaking.

Does it always have to be weird??

Some things I really hesitate to share on this blog.

Many people already think I am strange because I am believing God to completely heal my very disabled little girl.

I also get odd responses from people when I tell them of the many strange and weird ways in which God has chosen to tell us that He plans to heal Caroline.

This really gets old sometimes.

I don't want to be weird. I just want to be normal....but I think God loves weird.

Curve balls, surprise endings, sudden twists in the plots of our lives....I think it pleases Him to catch us off guard with something totally unexpected.

Thursday night was a tough night. Ava and Caroline were awake several times during the night. Shep was sleeping really soundly so I got up several times to console them and after the fourth time...I was over it!!

As I laid back in my bed (Shep snoring peacefully) I struggled to find sleep. Actually I felt quite awake. I asked the Lord if he wanted to talk to me or if there was a passage of scripture I should get up and read. I thought the book of Zechariah came to my mind but I blew it off and eventually went back to sleep.

Two hours later I woke up and realized I had dreamed about Caroline. I have only dreamed of her maybe 3 times in her life so this was pretty special. I felt prompted to get up and write down the dream so that I would not forget it.

I am not going to tell you the whole dream because it is weird. But a few details I will share.

-I got to see Caroline walking
-I saw 2 men who I believe may be guardian angels of our family
-I watched Shep eat some disgusting stuff
-I asked some questions
-I was answered in cool ways

Some of you may think I am crazy but as I wrote down my whole dream I asked God to help me understand this dream if it was of him.

(I can tell you that looking back 3 days later....I have gotten some translations that I believe are from Him.)

When I finished writing my dream I prayed for God's direction. I told Him that I have trouble trusting what I think I hear from Him. I told Him that I want Him to talk to me but I also doubt what I think I hear because I have been wrong before.

I finished praying and opened my devotional.....can you guess what the title of my devotion was?? "Do you believe this?" that was the title. It came from the verse John 11:26 where Jesus is talking to Lazarus sister. The whole devotion boiled down to what we really believe about Jesus. We say a lot. But we believe little.

It struck me that after my dream he was giving me further confirmation...literally. He asked me the question through my devotion, "Andrea, do you believe this?"

I still didn't know what to think. I remembered that I had thought God had told me to go to Zechariah earlier when I was in bed. I turned there in my bible but didn't know what to read. So I started from the beginning and just kept going.

What I realized was something I already knew. I just think God wanted to show me weird to make me feel about about believing my dream.

If you don't know what I am talking about...go to the book of Zechariah in your bible and read the first 4 chapters or so. It is FULL of dreams and visions.....WEIRD dreams and visions that God used to speak to His man. I think this was God's way of showing me that I am in good company.

Oh yeah, I will close with another great little nugget that He gave me to finish off my WEIRD morning....

Zechariah 4:6 "...not by might nor by power but by my Spirit, says the Lord God Almighty."

NEW

Just a few "new" things to tell...

This past Sunday was a very encouraging day for 2 reasons. First, Randall (our pastor) preached out of my favorite passage. Romans chapter 4 encompasses so much of how I feel about believing for Caroline's healing. These verses touched my heart 7 years ago and still affect me greatly today.

Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to hi, "So shall your offspring be." Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead---since he was about a hundred years old---and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.
Romans 4:18-21

Just hearing these words read in church brought tears to my eyes. There is such power and hope in them.

Then right after church a friend approached me. She was smiling like she had a big secret. The deal was she had dreamed of Caroline. In her dream, Caroline looked just as she does not and she was walking and talking. Praise you Lord!!

The final thing I want to tell you is a "maybe so or maybe not" scenario. This morning I woke up to Caroline screaming at about 5 til six in the morning. When I got to her room (she and Ava share) she had fallen out of her bed and was lodged between the bed and the dresser. This had happened maybe one other time because she does have a bed rail. She had evidently kicked the bed rail out and down...the girl has got some powerful legs.

Anyway, I laid in her bed with her and consoled her until she settled down. Then out of nowhere Ava said, "Mama I saw Caroline try to stand up beside her bed. She was kicking and bucking at the rail and trying to stand up. Then she fell down."

I couldn't believe it...I made her re-tell me a few more times. Then Ava even went so far as to show me what Caroline looked like when she tried to stand beside her bed. It was more like leaning on her bed with her feet touching the floor...in any event...it looked like she was trying to stand up to Ava's little eyes.

So, was she? Maybe.....maybe not.

I will just leave that with God. I will say I am encouraged though.

Too Sweet to be Spooky

Halloween was a rainy day here in Georgia. It was cold, nasty, and steady rain all day long. It did not stop us from getting into the festive mood though.

My little man was a sheriff. Ava was a "fifties girl." Caroline followed in her mother's shoes and looked adorable as a cheerleader.
Our church moved our activities indoors because of the rain. Although the space was cramped...we had a wonderful time! I saw so many guests in addition to our regular attenders and that is what it is all about.

I just wanted to show you how adorable my little clan looked.

We got a boat load of candy and I will not admit to where the missing Reese's cups have gone...or the Snickers...or the Milky Ways. Not guilty!!:>)