weakness

If you know me...you know I love to sing. (God allows me to use it as therapy)

I get the wonderful opportunity to sing on my praise team at church. I am surrounded by amazing talent and worshipful hearts. It is a blessing to say the least.

Singing is my gift and, at times, my greatest source of insecurity.

I don't read music AT ALL. I learn my parts by either hearing it naturally or someone has to sing it or play it for me.

So, even though I love to sing....I don't always feel like I do well at the technical end. But, God uses whatever he needs to keep us humble and needful of Him.

Last weekend we had a cd recording at our church. It was great! Our choir and praise team did 11 songs and we offered them to our Lord with joyful (and tired) hearts.

I had a solo that I had perform for this recording as well as another big solo to do for this upcoming Easter morning.

Wouldn't you know I get sick right smack in the midst of it.

I was a ball of nerves.
I fretted.
I worried.
I wallowed.
I tried.
I prayed.
As of Friday of last week, I had absolutely NO voice. I couldn't speak....how was I going to pull of singing????

So, I rested. Took medicine. Gargled (warm salty water, mom:>) I prayed some more.

I felt so helpless. So weak.

I finally just resolved that if I was not supposed to sing these songs then it would be ok.

Well, Sunday morning I woke up and could talk. I could marginally sing.

However, God did a miracle.

2 Corinthians 12:9 says, "My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

Well, that was Sunday morning in a nutshell.

He spoke that verse to me.

I worred no more.
The anxiety was gone.
The need to sing perfectly went away.

I knew He would show up and do what needed to be done through that song. And He did....
I had to sing it 3 times not counting practices and my voice held the whole time.

That was miraculous. No one else may have known, but I sure did!! I praised Him with all of my being!

As this week started I could feel that I wasn't getting better....if anything, I felt worse.

So, I headed to the doctor.

As I thought....it was a sinus infection.

So, now I am using steroids and antibiotics to get better. However, it is Wednesday and my voice is nowhere near 100 percent.

I feel the anxiety brewing as I know I have to go practice and sing in front of my peers. The insecure thoughts toy at my mind but again I am reminded of 2 Corinthians 12:9.

If I must continue in physical weakness with my voice....I KNOW that Christ will reign in PERFECTION through all of it.

These are the kinds of field trips that He loves to take me on.

He comes through....not early (when I want Him to) but usually right at show time!

Embracing weakness is the hard part. Watching His power show up and take over.....PRICELESS!!

A flower, some tape, and a ride

I had the opportunity to go to a women's conference at our church today from 9:30 til 12:30. It was great! I am so blessed to have a wonderful church family and the women's events are always so meaningful.

Today was no different...I was challenged and I enjoyed some "girl" time in the Lord.

Anyway, Shep had the kids for the first part of the day.

When I got home I couldn't help but get tickled at two of the sights I saw.

I captured them on film.

First, the little yellow flower behind Shep's ear.

Most of you don't know Shep but he is the ideal man's man. He hunts, fishes, shoots his bow, likes to see things explode, watch boxing and physical combat yet here he was cleaning his motorcyle with this sweet little flower peeking out from behind his ear.

No doubt, the workings of our 5 year old, Ava.

The next sight really made me laugh.

Our oldest daughter Caroline had blue painter's tape wrapped completely around her shoe and sock.

I knew immediately what had happened.

You see she likes to kick her shoes off and kick her ankles and shins against things. It tears up her skin but she doesn't seem to mind.

Well, the tape told me that Shep had had enough.

Sure enough, I was right.

He told her that if she didn't stop kicking off her shoe then he would fix it so she couldn't get it off....and that he did. I think the picture showed his handiwork quite well.

Shep also decided to give the girls another treat on this awesome springy day.



They got to go for a motorcycle ride on our neighborhood street.

Yes, that is the snuggie and it still works to hold in these big girls on their short rides.

I hope I captured the sweetness and fun that Shep and his girls had together.

I loved watching it!

Lord, help us to be ever thankful for little moments like these. I treasure our times together as a family and I feel so blessed to take it all in sometimes.

I don't deserve any of this goodness yet You have lavished it on me. I love you but not enough, Lord. I put too many things ahead of You. For that, I am so sorry. Thank you for the little yellow flower, the blue painter's tape, and the motorcycle rides....and for the rotten little boy sleeping in this house who missed it all. :>)

Pooper Scooper

My life as a mother is dealing with poop.

If you are a mother, grandmother, etc...you know the deal.

We start off changing diapers and then eventually we potty train.

Right now, Caroline and Zeke are still in diapers.

Ava is potty trained but she still likes for me to be around during "number 2" sessions.

Anyway, now we have this cat. She is cute, perky, and perfect for our family. But, she has some serious issues. She won't do like normal cats and poop in her litter. We are having to train her. She basically stays in her room unless we are holding her or we can watch her like a hawk.

So.....just another way I get to deal with.....(you guessed it) poop.

I am telling you all of this to build the foundation so that you can laugh when I get to the disgusting nasty part.

Yesterday, I took Zeke to the doctor. Despite tubes in his ears in January, he has a double ear infection. He has a slight cold and his poop hasn't been right in a couple of weeks. Due to this, the doctor wanted me to take samples of his stool and bring them back to be tested.

More poop!!!

So...literally diapers aren't enough. Now I am having to save and store it for the doctor.

(funny part coming)

Today I am in the kitchen making dinner and working on a great dessert for a family in our church. I decided on peanut butter cookies topped with chocolate icing. As I am squeezing out chocolate icing I notice that Zeke has come into the kitchen and placed something down on my counter.

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Yes, you guessed it! POOP. Dang cat poop! I have a clean house. Where was it???!!!??? I am afraid to know...

It didn't help that I was working with chocolate icing at the time. Don't worry...everything was disinfected immediately. But, seriously, this is just too much.

Alright, I am off to give baths.

I swear if I look down and see something brown floating in the water.....I am done!

Loving the change

I am loving some changes in my life these days...

First off, the TIME change is awesome! I absolutely love it! I hate the first part of springing forward and losing that hour but then life just takes on a new look. Longer days...birds singing...blue skies....warmer air...and it feels as if spring is just going to burst through the door at any given moment.

Being outside is like medicine for me and my household. We have been taking walks, swinging in swings, hanging out with neighbors outside and daring to bare our ashy white legs in shorts.

Secondly, and more importantly, the change in me is just mind-blowing! I have truly been enjoying some victorious living. Since being prayed over....I can tell that some shackles fell off of me. I feel free. I respond as someone who is free. I even think free thoughts.

Praise You Lord for wanting freedom for your children!

Thank you for allowing me to see and respond correctly to these latest attacks on my mind from the enemy!

I haven't written in a while because we are really busy!

God is good though! He has blessed us double and then some this month!! Can't stop grinning today!!

Ava's PURR-fect weekend

This was a weekend to remember!

Ava's birthday is not until the 17th but we had a joint b'day party with one of her best pals, Joseph.

Their birthdays are 2 days apart and we have done their parties together every year since birth.

Obviously, you see Ava's birthday gift from us was an 8 month old kitty. We rescued her from the pound and so far we couldn't be more pleased.

She loves people. She wants to be anywhere you are and she is terrific with my kids. Ava carries her around and mothers her to death. She is too cute and her name is Belle.

There have been a few mishaps.....Zeke has eaten some cat food, he has played in the liter, Ava has been scratched (the cat got spooked), the cat hasn't exactly found her liter box to be the preferred place to poop, and Caroline gets tummy visits frequently (literally, the cat jumps on Caroline's belly and lies on her purring loudly).

Here are a few pictures from the party. Ava and Joseph hugging when they arrived at their party.

Ava getting the standard birthday shot with mom and dad.

Random pictures from playing on the awesome playground.

I have forgotten how rough see-saws are the thighs!?!

Thank you Lord for keeping the rain at bay. Ava had a ball making crafts, playing with friends, eating cupcakes, cookies, and cheese puffs. She loved all of her presents and relished the fun in her BIG day!

Ava is my mini-me. She looks, acts, and even thinks like her mommy. I pray that I can help guide her in the paths that God has appointed for her to take....even if they are not what I would choose for her. She wants so desperately to please us. I am asking God to take that gentle heart and draw it to Himself.

My biggest prayer is that Ava would fall in love with Jesus and be secure in His love for her.

Happy Birthday to my 5 year old princess.....

Settled

The prayer time last night was like nothing I have experienced before.

God is God and therefore he knows how to make us into His likeness. He has to train His warriors by placing them in the only place that will produce warriors.....the heat of battle.

That is where I have found myself for quite some time....He just let me choose how long I would stay there. I had to get sick enough of dealing with it in a passive way. He has placed within me the desire to fight the enemy. I just have to learn how.

There is no better way than to be around other warriors. That is where I was last night.

I was smack dab in the center of intercessors....people made strong through many battles and still fighting to help others like me be delivered. I watched, observed, and joined in with these people fighting through prayer.

They were demonstrative in every way. They spoke with such authority and took seriously the call to which they serve their God. It is serious business to them.

I hope to be in their shoes one day. I want to help someone else the way they helped me.

I have been saved by faith since the tender age of 9.

This wasn't a war for my soul. The Lord has that.

This was a war for my mind. The enemy wants it.

PRAISE GOD! HE CAN"T HAVE IT!

It is settled.

God came.
God spoke.
God directed.
God affirmed.
God brought laughter.

I actually clapped and laughed out loud during the prayer time (don't tell my Baptist church family)...feeling the release and accepting the joy from the Lord.

I heard what You told me Lord. I am excited about what is to come. Prepare me. Prepare them. Keep me close to You and tuned in to Your voice. I am ready to obey what You have for me to do. I don't want to miss You. I can't believe You would use me. I am utterly lost for words. I know anew that there is nothing good about me. Anything useful is only because of you. I offer what I have....make me strong. Help me fight. Thank you for letting me see and experience Your victory last night. Thank you for James, those 3 precious ladies, my at-home intercessors, momma, and Shep. I want to walk the path You have set out before me...even with my messed-up toe. There are rumblings in the heavens.....I feel it. We want to see You as never before....get us ready. Keep us on our face...our sin confessed before You.

Tonight

I have the heard the cliche "the best way to fight is on your knees" my entire life.

I know it is something we church folks say to make us feel better about praying. Sometimes praying doesn't FEEL like enough....but it is.....it is way past enough.

I haven't really known the full meaning of this cliche until recently.

I mean, seriously...how do you fight on your knees?

Isn't that awfully vulnerable?
Doesn't that leave you exposed and open?
The posture of being on our knees makes us feel like beggars more than warriors, right?

Tonight I am entering this fight....literally on my knees.

I have been battling serious heaviness, despair, depression, and hopelessness. As I got real with some people who knew how to help me, their plan was simple: we must hit our knees.

I am fairly experienced with depression and the like. What I am dealing with now seems deeper and more intense than I have felt before. This pastor friend of mine has explained to me that the enemy purposely attacks those he feels threatened by.

Honestly, I can't imagine it.
Why would the enemy care about me?
I am not a mighty warrior.....yet.

I get the feeling I am in training and this is part of it.

Tonight, I will be on my knees. I will be surrounded by some amazing people laying hands on me and interceding in ways I have probably never experienced. I am nervous but truly excited and ready to be set free. I am not crazy and sometimes we can't fight alone. Although the enemy wants us to stay that way...alone. He does his best work then...when we are alone.

God has called Shep and I to believe him for a supernatural healing of our little girl.
God has called us to tell everyone we know that God still does the impossible.
God has called us to pray and lead others in praying for revival for our church.
God has called us to not be satisfied with the status quo of Christian living.
God has called us to think out of the box.
God has called us to encourage others in their faith.
God has called us to teach others His Word.
God has called us to eat His Word and take Him up on it.
God has called us to live our faith as well as claim it.
God has called us to record our journey for others to see the miracle in it all.
God has called us to champion others in their walk with Him.
God has called us to ask others to stand with us.

Should I be surprised the enemy wants me depressed, despairing, hopeless, and heavy of heart?

There is too much at stake.

Colossians 2: 13-15
When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us, he took it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.

Ephesians 2:13-17
But now in Christ Jesus you who were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by abolishing in his flesh the law with its commandments and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. He came and preached peace to you who were far away and to those who were near. For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.

Even me...

Colossians 1:17 "He is before all things, and in him all things hold together."

Even me...

He held me together today.

I have not kept secret the battles that I am currently facing.

Have you ever felt it?

Coming unglued...
Being ripped apart...
Caving in....
Melting down...
Burning up....

I love Christ. I want to please Christ. I have faith that He will do the impossible and I tell others.

The enemy hates me. His target is on me. He wants me to fall to pieces. He hates the stand I take. He hates the hope I have in Christ.

But today God showed me in His Word that HE (God) WAS BEFORE EVERYTHING (the enemy) and HE HOLDS ME TOGETHER.

That is good enough for today.

I am going to be feasting for a while in the book of Colossians thanks to the encouragement of a godly friend. If you sense the powers of darkness at work around you...go there. God is waiting to rescue you and speak in chapter one.

He met me there today. He rescued me there today.