Hard Ground

Today is Friday...day four of summer break.

It has been a good week. I am thankful that this was a short week...thanks to Memorial Day. It helped to gently break me into the new routine.

This past Monday evening, Shep decided to plant us girls a flower garden. Ava loves flowers...and more than that, she loves picking flowers. My mother-in-law gave me some ideas of a few fast growing flowers and we gave it a try.

I say "we". Shep did ALL of the work part...we watched, cheered him on, and threw in the seeds.

As I watched him till the ground. I was amazed at the difficulty of the job. He worked for a long time on a very small piece of ground. It had to be plowed up and worked through to make the soil fit for planting.

As you might imagine....God spoke to me through this.

He diligently works, digs, tills, and turns the hard ground in my life...

Pride, unbelief, resentment, jealousy, bitterness, deceit, doubt, arrogance, etc....

It is hard for Him and for me. It requires work on His part, and it requires me allowing Him to work.

(I hope you enjoyed the pictures of my man and his little girls working on their flower garden...hopefully we can show you the results of all that work soon!)

Tomorrow is my anniversary. Shep and I have been marred 11 years....

I still know that he is "the one" for me. God chose him....and I am still thrilled with God's choice for me. I respect him immensely and I look forward to every adventure we have ahead of us...it also doesn't hurt that my hearts still skips a beat when I get a glance of him. He is my eye candy!!!


Continue to pray for me and Shep. God is speaking some pretty cool things to us. I want to share, but don't feel exactly free to do it just yet...but maybe soon. Waiting on God and expecting to hear Him is NOT for the faint of heart....


Oh, how He is building our faith muscles......

Day 1

Here we go...we are off to the races.

Day 1 of summer break.

If you know me, then you know that I have dreaded this day every year. It is not the typical parent's dread....you know...having the kids all summer. It is the kind of dread that involves the thought of being locked inside for the next 10 weeks.

There are many adjustments that have to be made when God gives you a handicapped child. Caroline happens to be severe. She is the size of an almost 7 year old...but she has to be cared for like Zeke. Feedings, diaper changes, and transportation issues are never ending.

Please don't take this as complaining....it is all I know. Shep and I have done it every day of her life. But when you throw Ava (4 year old) and Zeke (1 year old) into the mix....it gets interesting....and hard to manage....especially when you want to get out of the house with them.

Three children under the age of 7 is already hard...but the disability throws a giant sized weight with it that usually makes me want to crumble under the pressure.

However, I sit here this morning....and I am o.k.

For some of you, you don't realize how big of a deal this really is. Some of you....do.

God has taken away my dread. That is NOT to say that I don't have moments of apprehension. But the dread.....the pity......the hidden anger......GONE!

This is a miracle. I have lived through 7 summers and not had this peace that has so filled me. Let me clarify that I believe it was always available to me....I just was not at a place to receive it.

Anyway, pray for me.

Pray for my children. (Ava has already been in here 5 times asking me if she can wear a skirt today.....can I scream??)

I just want to boast in my GOD. He has lifted my head. He has set my feet on a rock...and for once I don't want to jump off of it. He has offered a peace to me that for once I don't want to trade in for self-pity.

I am resolved. I am determined. This is going to be a great summer. I'm actually excited!!

God is doing some cool things that I hope He allows me to share with you soon. Please pray specifically for discernment, clarity, and understanding. Shep and I are expecting to hear God speak to us about a specific matter and we want to recognize His voice and be ready to act.

One Year Ago

One year ago...I was lying in a hospital bed at Northside Hospital. It was a great day! My little Zeke man was born.

He has been a delight to our family. This little man has stolen all of our hearts. He is laid back, into everything, and loves to laugh.

I also must tell you that I am his favorite person in the whole world....I love it!!

Today, on his birthday, he clapped for the first time. I mostly captured it on film. He is taking some steps on his own...and if it looks dangerous to do....he is game.

These two pictures were taken today. The fake little four-wheeler is self-propelled but it makes all of the cool sounds.(this was his b'day gift from us) The other picture is of him clapping...he was so proud of himself.

View from my zoo

Here is the crew in my zoo. I love this picture of Caroline and her daddy...she loves being in his arms....just like me! I also could not resist adding this picture of Zeke in a fit. He was mad because he couldn't reach Ava's sippie cup....oh if only our problems could stay that ridiculous.

Ava loves being a "little mama" to Zeke. He likes it too until she gets too bossy and prohibits him from getting into whatever is around him that is off limits...probably the nearest electrical outlet in the wall.

Doesn't Ava look beautiful in blue? My first ballet outfit was blue...it was such fun to see her dance her little heart out. She was good too!! The recital was fun for me...I know now how my mom used to feel when she would watch me.

Caroline and her peers had special Olympics last week. Wouldn't you know it rained??? But, we made the best of it. I am saying something that has her pretty tickled...which I love...she has a great laugh.

A time for everything...

A dear friend gave me a quote that she had found and I find it comforting during this time when I can't make things make sense.

The quotes says..."If God were small enough to understand...He would not be BIG enough to worship".

You may not like that quote or even think that it doesn't make sense, but on this day, I need to hear that He is so BIG and He is holding all things together. I need to know that He is not missing any thing going on down here. I need to know that HE is in our midst....comforting, encouraging, strengthening, empowering, pruning, and working...His will and His way.

The prayer requests I entered on my last blog have mostly been answered.

Melissa, praise Jesus, is doing good.

My brother, praise Jesus, is being sustained.

My sister in Christ, Rhetta, has gone on to be with Jesus. It was NOT what I wanted.

Here is where I remind God that I am dust (formed by His hands) and I just don't get it. This was a vibrant woman. A servant of her God and devoted wife and mother. I taught her precious daughter in Sunday school her 10-11th grade years. I hurt for Hannah.

She is a special young lady. God has BIG things for her. I know from experience that when BIG things await you....God has to get you ready. I also know (from experience) that there is no better training ground than pain.

I hate even saying that....but it is true.

Pain takes us to places of surrender, compassion, and desperation that we would never go on our own.

He knows it too.

Anyway, I feel like I am sounding really gloomy, I want to rejoice in My GREAT GOD!!

I told Him I would praise Him no matter what...and I will!!

Please continue to pray for Hannah and her sister and dad. They are grieving terribly. God will grant the grace that is needed for healing....

I want to agree with King Solomon and praise the Lord...

Ecc. 3: 1-8

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to rebuild,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

vs. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere Him. "

We don't have to understand to still stand in awe, even with our hearts broken, and revere a mighty and gracious God.

Need to Intercede

My Almighty God...

You alone are worthy of praise. You are patient and long-suffering for us. You are kind, you are gracious, and you give strength to the weak.
My heart is joyful to know with assurance that I have a God who hears me and thinks that what is on my heart is important to Him.
I come before you, Lord with a heart that is heavy. In just the last hour I have heard of several prayer requests that have broken me up.

For Paul, (my brother) oh God I cry out and ask for strength during this time. Protect him from the evil one. As he sits on that jury, give him clarity, peace, and a sense of Your purpose. Where he should be merciful...help him to be. When he should stand for what is just and right...help him to do so. As he has to listen to brutal testimonies and see gruesome pictures...keep his mind guarded from what the enemy would tell him. Surround my brother with your protective angels. Help him to sleep peacefully. God, do BIG things in Paul's life...use this time for Your preparation. Give him assurance of Your power and presence during this time.

For Melissa, I just pray for peace for her and her family. As the questions surround them, I pray for clarity and healing. God, I pray that they would cling to You during this time and find strength in Your Word. Hem them in...before and after...let them sense you so strongly. If there is anything to this issue I ask you to please heal her.

For Hannah, Tiffany, and Rhetta...
Father, I sit here so stunned at this news. Tears brim over as I imagine how they must be processing this news. It seems there is such sadness. We KNOW You are on Your throne. You give and You take away. But Lord, in our human-ness we don't know any other emotion than sorrow. WE BOLDLY ASK FOR HEALING. Every scar you bear on your back was done for our emotional and physical healing. We also know that Heaven is our final destination and if we really knew how amazing it was....we would want to go now. But Father, we can't imagine that. We trust it, but we can't imagine it. We just know that we don't want to lose our loved ones. This momma wants to see her daughters marry and have children. These girls desperately want their mother to live and stand as a mighty testimony of Your healing and power. I know no other way than to plead with you. Lord, there are instances in Your Word where You changed Your mind....if You are planning to take Rhetta...could we be so bold as to ask You to change Your mind.

Give us all strength, wisdom, and discernment in these difficult days. Draw us to prayer and time in Your Word for rest and restoration. Help us love how You love, give how You give, and fight hard because in You we already have VICTORY.

We trust You when it hurts. We say it even when it doesn't seem possible. We choose to believe You. You are good. You are right.

I long to see You show-off. I see Your hand at work all around me. I sense Your presence in the midst of these struggles.

BE BIG GOD. BE BIG.
Show Your Power!!

No matter what....we WILL praise You...the One who suffered for us.

Who is Betty Baxter??

My last two days have been a whirlwind. We have had a dress rehearsal for ballet, rehearsal for the school recital, doctor's visit, actual school recital and we rounded out today with Caroline in the Bartow Special Olympics.

Hopefully I can get some pictures posted soon. I have some cute ones to show.

Anyway, I got to spend some time with my mom today. She was gone all last week and we had a lot to catch up on. God is doing some wild things in her life right now...most of which were prophesied to her five years ago...they are just coming to fruition right now before our eyes and it is amazing to see. Hopefully I can share more of that later....but let's just say that I actually got to hold a Bible study written by my mom in my hands. I have watched her labor and write this study; I have also watched her live through this study.

I cannot wait to see where God takes her....speaking engagements and more studies are sure to follow. (Do you see the shoes I have to fill and walk in...she is leaving me a mighty strong legacy.)

The title of this blog was supposed to get your attention. A friend of mine gave me an encouraging note that directed me to read Betty Baxter's story. I had never heard of her...I didn't know where to look.

So..............I googled it.

WHO KNEW!!!

There is was. An amazing faith-filled story of a woman who was miraculously healed as a child. Not only was she healed....God told her the day and hour she would be healed. I was blown away....and encouraged beyond belief.

I am so grateful to my friend for suggesting that I read about her. I wonder about the timing of all of this....

I ask God all the time if He will tell me when He plans to heal Caroline...so far I haven't gotten anything that specific. The number 7 comes to me often, but who knows.....

This story just blew air into my sails and allowed me to experience a grand healing....one I hope that is much like the healing He has planned for my little girl.

If you want to be thrilled and encouraged...if you need a jolt and just want to see that God is the same today, yesterday, and forever.....

then....go to your home page.....go to the google section.....and type in: Betty Baxter story.

Then sit, read, be awestruck, and praise Jesus for what He did and what HE is going to do!!!

Hebrews 13:8 "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."