As I knelt down in my closet....heart pounding....head splitting....nerves completely raw.....I wonder if I am really safe in His arms?
And then I remember a verse that has been familiar since childhood. "Cast all your cares upon Him because He cares for you."
I couldn't have told you at that moment that the verse was found in 1 Peter. I just knew it was in the Book.
My thoughts and momentary feelings of inadequacy had to be covered under the huge heading of ALL, right?
It had been a day.
As a mother I had lost it.
Dealing with a disabled child that cannot speak or do anything independently but has the strong will of any other 10 and a half year old had left me reeling....again.
Her fit for the day had made both of us borderline crazy.
For her sake....
For Ava and Zeke....
For Shep who would be coming home from work soon.....
For myself.....
I had to go to the only One who could handle my fragile and frenzied mind.
Kneeling low and rocking myself in the Arms that I knew were there...I unloaded it ALL.
Anger and frustration ebbed slowly away.
"Jesus how can I be so crazy about You one minute and feel so crazy and out-of-control the next?"
(Isn't this the question that most mother's ask when pushed to the limit?)
Or is that just it?
We won't ask it.
We let embarrassment or pride conceal our real concerns.
Somehow we don't feel like we are supposed to.
But don't we have to?
Maybe I am just crazy enough to take God up on His Word. If He says I can cast my crazy cares on Him, all of them, why wouldn't I do it?
Don't miss this....I would not have wanted any other listening ears to have heard those pleading words in my closet.
Why? Because I don't trust that any person could have heard my words, or my heart, and looked at me the same way again.
But, thankfully, He isn't a person.
He is God.
Love.
Grace.
Good.
The only One qualified to listen and never cast a stone.
Casting is our job.....casting our cares.....ALL of them.....even the humiliating ones....on Him.
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